(Closed) Frustrated by my cheapskate DH

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ellebeerob:  I hear you. The few things I have mentioned I would like for baby my dh is like can we get them 2nd hand on ebay? And generally freaking out about everything. It will be our first and we plan on having more kids so if I want to buy a crib new I don’t see what the problem is…. Gahhhh…. 

Post # 4
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh boy, babies are like weddings, it makes everyone crazy.  Congratulations by the way! 

I think this can all be resolved with a change in perspective and a little communication.  Your MIL is SUPER excited and wants to help anyway she can, if DH is a pennywise man, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, so it’s pretty reasonable that she’d be looking for second hand things, simply because the cost new for some of the larger ticket items is absurd when you consider how long you actually use it.

That being said, I understand your concerns about the crib and the desire to purchase some things new for your baby because you CAN.

In the middle is your poor DH who is stuck between is mom and pregnant wife, not fun by the way, trying to spare everyone’s feelings and his wallet, which is not a bad idea in this economy.

If it were me, I would make a list of the things that I wanted to get new, and a list of things that could be second hand and use that crazy soon-to-be grandmother MIL of yours and send her out into the world to find them at rock bottom prices.  That way, you still get to have the things you want, and she gets to help out HER way, and your DH isn’t stuck in the middle.

Post # 6
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow I think those cribs being illegal to sell is evidence enough that you shouldn’t accept it! If you really only care about those three things, tell him that those three items aren’t up for discussion, but his MIL can feel free to give you other items. That is a very reasonable compromise.

Post # 8
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Drop down crib’s are illegal in almost every single state in the US.  As for carseats you don’t know if has been in accident or not if used and if it has it voids the warrinity. I would start educating both your MIL and DH on the saftey of now days for having a baby.

Post # 9
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.

I worry about this a bit too… My MIL is a hard core thrifter. But (so far) she has not gotten anything big. I think you should stick to your guns and if you have to print out reports on why new is better in the cases you listed. Plus, if you are not going to splurg on a baby, when will you?

Post # 10
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Not pregnant yet, but I’m glad I’ve already educated DH on why you don’t buy certain baby items used.  Hell, I don’t want anything used, except for maybe clothes from people I know well who already have children and if I’m sure they didn’t use fabric softener.

Post # 11
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ellebeerob:  ill give you my DHs number!! 

Post # 12
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@strawbabies:  You probably will change your tune on everything new once you have a baby. Seriously stuff is expensive and lot of times you can get a lot of stuff that is gently used for lot cheaper.  Of course there is the exception to the rules such as the OP has said carseats to cribs. But toys to clothing is expensive for how little they get used!

Post # 13
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ellebeerob:  Send him the legal wording about the NO NO’s of used cribs and drop side cribs… then nicely state that you would lose all your hair stressing out about the safety and security of your precious first born… You didn’t gain X amount of weight, throw up Y amount of times, and put up with Z amount of crap for your baby to be in danger because he wants to save a few bucks on the darned crib!

Post # 14
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oof, I feel for you! I felt the same way. Being pregnant makes you want to “nest” in your own nest, not someone else’s second-hand nest! I think it’s hard for men to understand the emotional aspect of it, so maybe focus on that when you talk to him. I would make a list of things you are absolutely buying new and stand firm on it. On the other hand, as the mother of a toddler, I now regret buying so much new stuff. Because it was new and expensive, I can’t bear to get rid of anything, and now our house is filling up fast. I wish I had borrowed more from friends or bought some things second-hand so I wouldn’t feel so attached to everything!

Post # 15
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’ve been picking up a few baby things used here and there for a while (best deals so far have been my $4 moses basket and 40+ book library for ~$12).  I’m looking for a pack-n-play in the $20-$30 range, but everything I’ve found has had stained pads in the bottom, so the search continues for that.  I may luck out and get my best friend’s stuff since she had her last child last June and mine is due in July. 

I, too, refuse to buy a used crib and carseat.  I’m also hesitant about used baby tubs.  Funny enough, I am considering gently used cloth diapers if I can find any in decent shape. 

Post # 16
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@ellebeerob:  I think that you are being completely reasonable in not wanting those things used. There are definitely things that I don’t mind getting second hand and have actually looked to buy second hand. I would even make an exception for the crib *IF* It was a fixed side but drop sides are a big no no. Car seats are another thing you should buy new because you just don’t know the history and they do expire…my husband didn’t understand that at first but I had to show him. And a mattress – just ewww…unless I know and trusted where it came from like a family member. The way I see it is that hopefully this will not be our only child and we are going to save money in the long run by investing in those key items to use over and over again. We did buy our stroller used, our pack n play (which was in amazing condition), I bought a used vera bradley diaper bag which is also in great shape! AND I frequent goodwill an once upon a child for baby clothes – so i’m pretty frugal for the most part but certain things I just wasn’t willing to budge on. I’m even borrowing a Medela electric breast pump, though I’m buying my own attachments.

I noticed My husband was really reluctant to buy anything at first but the closer and closer we get to the due date he is realizing what we need and is more willing to go out and buy things. I’m due in 7 weeks and we JUST purchased a crib!

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