(Closed) Frustrated… FFIL owes FI $20,000!

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Since your FI seems like it doesn’t bother him, I think I’d wait until your FFIL has a job to start pressing for the money. It isn’t like he could probably give you much of a chunk anyway to help with the wedding, and all you’d be doing is causing tension since his dad can’t afford it.

I think it is great that you got him to stop, because I don’t think you should ever loan money that you want to see again to somebody without a contract (ie: family). But in the same vein, I don’t think you can expect to call in the debts unless it is something your FI really wants to pursue. I’m sorry. Money problems suck, but you WILL be able to have a wedding that ultimately you’ll probably love even without that money.

Post # 4
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is family business and this may sound harsh, but you aren’t family.  I would let FI figure it out. You can tell him your feelings, but other than that it’s not really any of your business.

Post # 6
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We have had to loan my mother money from time to time because like your FFIL, she’s just terrible with it. I can also tell you we’ve only ever gotten $250 back from her in the past 2 years or so. She just digs herself into holes that she can’t get out of. Basically, you can ask that he repay you, but likely, he won’t be able to and that’s just unfortunate and you’ll have to plan your wedding as if you don’t have that money. If he magically comes up with some, then great! But if not, then you never expected to have it to begin with.

I feel for your FI. I’m sure he doesn’t WANT to have to loan his dad money (I know I don’t) but he also can’t tell his dad no. It’s hard when a parent calls you and asks for money for something to say no. 

Post # 7
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Where do you expect FFIL to get the money?  You need to leave it up to your FI.  It’s really his money (was spent before you combined money, households, etc…) so it’s up to him to collect. 

Post # 8
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I just read your update but won’t your FFIL need that rent money so that he no longer has to ask for money?  Was there any kind of repayment agreement when your FI gave him the money?

Post # 9
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m kinda with mwitter80 on this one.

Until your finances are shared and they’re going into “ya’lls” home I’d kinda stay out of it.

Sounds like you FI has really already done his part in stopping the loans, although on his own I think he should have a right to will and support whoever he sees fit lol.

As for ever getting the money back… I learned a loooong time ago that you don’t loan money to someone with the expectation of EVER seeing it back from them. Unless it’s a reliable person and there is some kind of contract like farmgirl2106 said.

I would plan your wedding without the ideal of having money for the FFIL.

Post # 10
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Ditto to what other people have said. I’d also like to throw in here that my mother has lent many family and friends money over her life, and the one thing she learned that she taught me is that all “loans” to family and friends, regardless of what they say, end up being gifts. She has never gotten money back from anyone. If your FI wants to throw a stink about it it’s his prerogative – but he’ll potentially be on the outs with his father for years. I’d consider the money gone and try to figure a budget w/o a contribution from your FFIL.

Post # 11
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I really dont think you should be coming between your FI and his father. If FI is ok with waiting to get the money from his dad later then I think you should be patient too. If the guy is unemployed its not like he has the money and just doesnt want to pay.  You may have kids one day and hope they will treat you the same way if you ever happen to be unemployed at 50

Post # 12
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@runsyellowlites: I completely agree! Family and finances don’t mix…ESPECIALLY when it comes to loans. Don’t give money unless you can afford to give it, and consider it being paid back to be a bonus. Don’t expect it!

Did your FI tell his dad to start out with that he’d have to repay? Or was it just money to help him out?

My FI has helped his parents out many times over the years but he does it because he loves them and doesn’t want to see them in tough spots. I know that even though it would be handy to have that money back to spend on our wedding, it’s not going to happen (nor would I ever ask for it to!).

Post # 15
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@navybride4 I really would let the money go. Plan your wedding without it and be thankful that your FI was able to help like that. Most of the time family’s go through tough times and b/c their parents/other family members aren’t responsible either noone can help anyone.

Sounds like you FI is good with his finances and will be able to set ya’ll up without any worries and still able to help and give where needed.. and THAT’S pretty awesome!

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