Frustrated. How would you handle this?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What do you think (you can choose more than one answer)
    FI was out of line. Let him apologise. : (328 votes)
    55 %
    You overreacted about the money. You apologise. : (22 votes)
    4 %
    You should cancel the wedding. You can't live with him. : (239 votes)
    40 %
    FI was right, it's his best man so that money should be for him. : (8 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    671 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    No. In your heart of hearts you know that it’s only going to get worse. Think of if this was your sister of best friend telling you this- would you encourage her to tolerate being treated like that?

    Post # 4
    866 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Letsgoanon:  That’s frustratiing but does it really matter if you are getting married?  Won’t your finances be shared at that point?

    ETA:I should have finished the whole post.  Sorry.  This is obviously about more than money. 

    ETA #2:  Ok.  I finished the post.  Pre wedding stress brings out the absolute worst in people.  I wouldn’t run to cancel anything.  I would explain to him how the way he spoke to you was unacceptable and hurtful.  If he’s never done it before now, things may just be getting to him.

    I do think that you guys need to sit down and have a serious convo about how money issues and budgeting will be handled during your marriage though.





    Post # 5
    2571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Um wow… that’s horrible.  Run as fast as you can.

    Post # 6
    9019 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Letsgoanon:  OMG, that was a harsh reaction on his part.  Although I don’t think the $500 is a big deal in the whole scheme of things, I can understand why you’d question it and there is nothing wrong with your questioning it.  His reaction, though, took things to a whole different and very, very bad level.

    He treated you with disdain and disrespect and used shockingly hurtful words over something relatively minor.  Unless you’re leaving something out of how you approached him about this, if I were you I would take him up on his offer to cancel the wedding. 

    Don’t sign on for a lifetime of being treated like this.

    Post # 8
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    Are you joining finances after marrying?

    And regardless of the cost of the wedding, I think he sounds like an immature asshole and would not personally be planning to continue with the wedding, but that’s your call. 

    Can you keep the wedding on but use a non-licensed officiant so that it’s spiritual in nature only? Getting legally married with these kinds of financial views/disagreements I’d be *really* worried. Finances are the #1 cause of divorce, and you guys are not on the same page right now – in the supposed happy time of marriage. What happens next year?

    I know I’m jumping on the “bail on him” ship really quickly, but just from knowing people who act like it sounds he does… *shudder* 

    Post # 9
    11614 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    What a crazy reaction.  Honestly, it’s a huge red flag to me.  It could be stress, but in reality, it’s not okay.  Plus, if you’re going to be married, what does the money matter anyway?  Won’t it all just come out in the wash and work out since you’ll likely be joining finances?

    Post # 11
    3222 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Wedding stress is not an excuse for his behaviour. I would be appalled if my SO spoke to me e that way, and you need to reevaluate how he’s dealt with conflict during the duration of your relationship. Has this happened before?

    Post # 12
    9019 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Letsgoanon:  He hurt you.  He hurt you in the worst way by threatening to cancel the wedding.  If you go ahead with the wedding brace yourself for every time you have a disagreement with this man he will threaten to divorce you.

    If you can find a way out of this, I would get out of it.  I’m saying this as a woman who was previously married to a cruel man.  I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.  Please think this through.  Divorce or living in misery seems inevitable, based on what you’re saying.  You’ll potentially be bringing a child into the mix.  I did and I SUFFERED for it, so did my son.

    Think about it, be careful.  You don’t deserve this.  He is showing you his true colors.  It’s a warning to get out now, while you still can.

    Post # 13
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    No, sorry. That’s fucked up. Why would he want to put you out like that? And, last I checked, a wedding gift to a *couple getting married* is to benefit the both of them. He’s being stingy, plain and simple. The fact that he played dumb makes his behavior even more jackass-y.

    *I can’t cancel my wedding, it cost $100K and I have more than 100 guests flying from overseas.*

    do you know how much a divorce and the legal fees associated with it cost? The money thing aside, if someone called me a fucking idiot (or my dad), I’d probably cut my losses and move on.

    Post # 14
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Have you guys ever had a financial discussion in general?  About general bills, joining accounts, how things are getting split between the two of you?  If not, then I don’t think this warrants all the drama (primarily from him).  If this is the first time finances have come up and it happened to be in a negative way, then you need to sit down and go through it all.  You can’t start your marriage having financial problems.  I’m not really sure why he (or you) is in a tizzy over $250.  It’s not that much and surely isn’t worth the blow up.

    If this is the first time he’s acted this way, I wouldn’t start running yet.  He might be having some financial anxiety over the wedding.  It will pass once everything is done and paid off.  If he commonly treats you like this, then you need to decide if it can be fixed or walk away.  I’m sorry you are having these feelings and I hope it gets better.

    Post # 16
    2915 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    My FI called me an idiot once and I went BALLISTIC!!! He never said anything of the sort again because he doesn’t want to feel my wrath or deal with my tears. If he is using these disrespectful terms in regards to you, you need to nip it in the bud NOW. Hopefully he will see reason in this argument over the money, he clearly doesn’t understand the point of a wedding gift, which is to benefit the couple as a whole. I don’t know how stubborn he is, but if he hasn’t spoken to you for 2 days (when HE is in the wrong), it must be bad. Good luck!!!!

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