- 5 years ago
Hey bees. I made a post a few months back because I was expecting, based on a few clues about our future, that I’d be getting a proposal within a year. I then found out that he hadn’t thought through the things he’d said.
Well, it turns out that it really will be a while longer. I found out some… bad things. Let’s just say that one of the worst things I could have imagined for my future was realised. This board is public enough that I don’t want anything too personal here. No, he didn’t cheat. He did do something bad, though. Forgivable if he can fix things, but never forgettable. He is doing everything right, and if he keeps it up we will recover.
Realistically I don’t expect any real progress towards a ring for at least a year. It may take a while for him to get a steady enough job, and I don’t know if he’ll be able to get a good job within the year or if he will have trouble doing so before the year is up. Jobs to afford marriage aside (and more importantly), I know I need to wait to look out for my own interests and make sure things will go the way I believe they will (because, let’s face it, they didn’t before). Also, even though what he did was at it’s core selfish, with the circumstances it would be entirely unfair for me to put any sort of pressure on him for about a year.
I know that it is unreasonable for me to be thinking about an engagment. Don’t get me wrong, THE MOST important things are that he is doing well and that we get back on solid ground. I truly believe we will. Still… I was getting my head stuck in the wedding cloud before all this happened, and now it is hard to get it out of there. Some part of me just wishes we could still get engaged already! Especially because I do have faith in us as a couple.
Still, I just think about how, once I knew he was ‘the one’ I had imagined us getting married when I was 27. It seemed like a good age to me, with 6 years of a relationship between us. Now, I can’t imagine getting married until I’m at least 29. It throws off my mental timeline. I wanted more time with him, married, before we had kids. Plus, I was excited to start planning a wedding. It’s hard to swallow these changes to life as I knew it, both in the present and the future.
I just needed to write this all out and feel like I was heard. Thank you for reading this.