Post # 1
Need to vent and get this off my chest – probably will sound worse than it actually is…
Don’t get me wrong, I love my SO to bits. He is wonderful in every way. But there is one thing that is becoming a problem. OH MY WORD I am getting so frustrated with his carefree attitude to money. He says he wants to propose in the next six months and we’re planning a move across the country after we’re married, so next year. So while I’m sat over here sorting my finances and trying to plan for our future together, he’s going and spending money left, right and centre on the most insignificant of things. We’re students so neither of us are exactly flush with money but I’m trying to save up where I can while he doesn’t seem to be worried at all. At the moment I’m the one sporting the financial burden and paying for everything, including a short trip to Paris next week – he’s waiting on money to come in and I get that he can’t pay immediately but this is just adding to the list of things he has yet to pay me back for. I get that in a marriage things are equal and we will share everything BUT we aren’t married yet, and we aren’t engaged yet!! It is not my responsibility to support him financially!!
I just keep thinking, you want to marry me next year?? Surely you need to start saving for a ring and for our future?? I’m getting irritated because every time I bring up money with him he just keeps saying stuff about how we shouldn’t let money become a problem or be weighed down by our finances, so I feel like I can’t even have a proper conversation with him about this. But trust me I WILL be speaking to him about this ASAP – cannot keep putting this aside because it IS an issue for me.
Post # 3
Oh I feel you on that! I’m sorry you’re having to deal with all of it. It can be so frustrating! My FI and I were having a conversation about finances one day, then the next day he spent $3000 on DJ equipment! WTF! He DJs out like.. 2 times a month? Guys are dumb
Post # 4
OMG, This was my Fiance last year..he had a good chunk of money come his way so I didn’t question his actions. turns out MY fiance spent 140K last year…on crap. trips, clothes, dinners out…bills and rent0how is that even possible??!!
Please don’t wait and talk to him about this now. I waited because I didn’t want to question him and trust him but now I am feeling the burn because we cannot buy a house or barely afford the wedding because FI has 1800-2000 a month that has t ogo to credit payments/car payments
Post # 5
Yeah, I think you guys need to have a deeper talk other than him just blowing you off and telling you that you shouldn’t let money become an issue. B/c right now, it sounds like it’s a pretty big issue for the two of you. I think sitting him down and having a REAL conversation about money…budgeting out where all of his money goes and where all of your money goes would be a great start.
Post # 6
@fivemonthsnotice: Trust me, I WILL be speaking to him about it, like tomorrow haha. I just rang my mum up for a chat and it ended up all coming out, oh dear!! I think it’s been more of an issue than I’d realised. Really sorry to hear about that now 🙁
@Brideonabudgetlauren: So glad I’m not the only one! Argh it’s ridiculous!!
Post # 7
@2PeasinaPod: Definitely. I’m planning on talking to him about it tomorrow, I’m even writing down things I want to say so I don’t miss anything, haha
Post # 8
It’s good that you are going to talk with him about it. Money issues are huge and if you guys aren’t on the same page, it can become one of those problems that destroys relationships.
Money management takes time to learn. Growing up, my dad always pounded those habits into us. At the time I though he was being mean and nosy. Now, I know how to manage my money. My SO was never really TAUGHT those things. So even though he knows the basics, it’s a lot harder to put into practice. He has to break bad spending habits. It drives me crazy because these skills are almost innate to me since I grew up with them.
But we’ve had the money talks. He has admited to me that he doesn’t know how to budget but he’s like to learn. So it’s a step. But the first thing you have to do is get on the same page. There are some really good finanical courses out there if you are willing to pay a small fee. I think they are worth it!