Post # 1
I am really frustrated with a friend that used to be one of my best friends. We did EVERYTHING together in middle school and early high school. She moved about 3 hours away some years ago but we have kept in Facebook contact since then.
We definitely went different directions- she dropped out of school and parties a lot and I am always working and studying.
The day my FI and I got engaged she posted a photo on Facebook that was a little collage of pictures of us and said something nice about how one of her best friends had got engaged- very sweet and I appreciated it even though I hadn’t talked to her in a while. Then we had a texting conversation in which she informed me that she was probably a long way from marriage but that I would be a bridesmaid in her wedding (awkward…. obviously since I hadn’t had a voice conversation with her in years she was not a part of the bridal party which consists of 4 family members and my two best friends I talk to multiple times a week.)
Then I texted her about a month before our engagement party and let her know that I understand if she can’t be there since she lives far, but we were having an engagement party and I wanted to give her a heads up before we sent the invites out so that she had extra time to plan. We sent the invites out 3 weeks in advance.
The day before the engagement party I texted her to ask if we would be seeing her. This was her reply- “I will be out of town. I got the invitation yesterday. Wish I had known before then”
Maybe it’s me but seriously how passive aggressive!!! I personally told her AND sent her the invitation and then she acted like it was my fault that she wasn’t coming. I think she’s mad about not be a BM but honestly she’s acting so witchy I’m thinking about not inviting her to the wedding.
Post # 3
@FutureMrsT1221: i had a friend in that time frame of my life & we were really close until we graduated high school & i went to college, and she started working full time so she could move out of her moms apartment & smoke weed everyday. Needless to say, we drifted a part. I think it would be neat to be able to invite her to our wedding, but shes not at the top of the list… not even the top 200. She didnt get an invite to our engagement party bc i’m not sure if i’ll be able to invite her to the wedding and its been years since i’ve spent time with her in person. Don’t feel bad. Shes being bitter, but you’re in very diff stages of life, and went down different paths. Its just how life goes sometimes.
Post # 4
@theEguarantee: i agree. it just stinks that you don’t always have that same great connection with someone throughout your life. I’m worried now that she got an invite to the e-party that she will expect one to the wedding, but honestly i didn’t know she would act like this…
Post # 5
I’d be happy she wasn’t going to show up, it avoids even more awkwardness!
Post # 6
I’m starting to think that maybe she was hurt that you are not including her in the bridal party. That is NOT your problem, but I can understand her hurt feelings. She thought you two had a close established friendship, and she found out that you do not feel the same way.
Post # 7
@FutureMrsT1221: Maybe she misplaced it until the day before or it got lost in the mail for 2.5 weeks. She could have forgotten about your conversation in the meantime and then found/received the invite and said “oh shit that’s right!”
It’s seriously so not a big deal if you already thought she couldn’t make it. If she can’t come for any reason she probably feels bad and came up with a lame excuse, which sounds bitchy because it’s text, not necessarily because she’s being bitchy.
To not invite her to your wedding over one text – would be bitchy.
Post # 8
@FutureMrsT1221: It sounds like her feelings are hurt about not being a BM, which is a little immature, but that is her problem, not yours. Go ahead and invite her to the wedding. It won’t hurt anyone to invite her, but excluding her will probably end your friendship. If you really don’t want her there and don’t mind ending your friendship with her, then don’t invite her. But, if you want to salvage what’s left of the friendship, just invite her. Your wedding day will be such a blur, you won’t have time to talk to her for more than a few minutes anyway, so it’s not like her being there is going to ruin anything for you.
Post # 9
I guess it probably wouldn’t be mature to counter an overreaction with an overreaction haha. It would take a little longer to explain the dynamics of our friendship but I definitely feel that I’ve made more of an effort to keep the friendship in existence. I’ve driven to her town specifically to visit her, although she’s never visited me… even though she’s been in my town before for sporting events and to party (I live in a college town) and didn’t contact me. I understand there are different levels of friendship and we sort of grew apart and I counted it as a distant, intact friendship with good memories that I didn’t expect much out of and was happy with it. If she is upset about not being a BM, it really is very childish of her to have expected that.
However, I do think y’all are right that I should invite her. I think I was mostly frustrated with how it seemed like she was putting the blame on me for not coming to the e party when I made multiple efforts to invite her.
Post # 10
@FutureMrsT1221: I get feeling hurt because you feel like you make more of an effort and feeling sad because you’ve kind of lost a friendship. But don’t jump to conclusions about how she feels. Take it at face value and move on is the best you can do. “Sorry you can’t make it, hope we can catch up before the wedding!”