Post # 1
Let me start off by saying that my Fiance is ADD, which may be pertinent to the situation. Secondly, I don’t know how well this will be written (or possibly more amusing) because I work nights (6:30 PM -7:30 AM), and have already taken my Lunesta, and half a Xanax for that matter, and will be passed out soon!
Moving on to the point of the complaining….. My Fiance knew from the beginning that he wanted to get married in a Catholic church (I’m not Catholic) and that he wanted to have the reception at his family’s old country dance hall, which is not exactly what I’ve been dreaming of my whole life, but it is special to him, and it’s free. And he knows he wants to have a carrot cake grooms cake Beyond that, he is so uninvolved. We have been engaged for 5 months now, so we have had a little time to do a few things. When it came to colors, he said anything but pink. He didn’t go to the food tasting with me (was working, but has PLENTY of PTO). I put a deposit at the tasting. For photography, he complained “all the pictures look the same, just pick one. I don’t care.” He didn’t care about the DJ.
I know some grooms just don’t care about the details, and I could totally deal with that. What really erks (sp?) me is the fact that as soon as I start talking to him about wedding stuff, after about 5 or 10 minutes he like tunes me out, he says “I’m so tired of the wedding!” “enough wedding talk” “we don’t need to do all of this now, you’re getting crazy with this.” I feel like saying to him “you are such an ungrateful asshole! You have no idea how many hours I have spent doing this stuff!! ” I come to him with maybe 5 – 10% of wedding stuff, and I’m doing all of it alone, working full time at a stressful job, we’re looking for a home to buy, so looking online everyday, AND he complains on a daily basis about BS things, like that I left a shirt on the bed, or wants to know why the house isn’t clean….. I just feel like it’s not MY wedding, it’s OUR wedding and so WE should be planning it. If he doesn’t want to plan it, that’s cool, but come on dude…. at least be excited and supportive about the wedding ideas I’m sharing with you….. I mean aren’t you supposed to be my best friend?
Have any of you had this experience, and what did you do??
Post # 3
I’ve been on the other side of it. I just plain don’t care about most things. I booked everything based on price. Fiance, many times, has told me to slow down and let him look at the options. I just want it to be done. If he doesn’t want to plan it, don’t annoy him talking about details you care about and he doesn’t. Talk to some girlfriends. Call a family member. Most people don’t care about wedding planning except brides, tbh.
If you want it to be “our” wedding, tell him in advance that you want to talk about wedding things for 10 mins after work. Layout what still needs to be done and ask him what he would like to do. Ask him to set himself a timeline for it. Then leave him alone until the timelime date.
It also sounds like you’re bitter about the venues. Might want to work out that issue as well since it sounds like you’re holding it against him.
Post # 4
Give him a task and let him see how much work goes into picking something based on day, cost, and preferences. He will start to get a different idea of how much work is needed for an event like this.
Of course ask him to present you all the options with his choice so he doesnt just “book anything”
Post # 5
My fiance is basically the same… he bought the ring and was like ‘okay, now have fun planning’. Which honestly, is fine with me! I love having free reign on (almost) everything since his opinions may differ from mine, its actually less stressful to need his opinion/approval.
His only requests have been that the reception be ‘nice’ and the guys wear black, not khaki. He helped out on the invitation design (I’m designing it) (and requested that they weren’t pink). And preferred the cheaper limo bus over the expensive stretch navigator.
He did irk me this morning when he thought my DIY photo props were wierd – but he’s not a photo kind of guy and I know guests will love them as much as I do. (And I’m sure he’ll be using them and seeing how fun they are by the end of the night!)
If your fiance is a ‘guys guy’ then he probably just doesn’t care about all the little details like we do! Nor do they realize how much goes into a wedding, time or financially. (My fiance can’t believe that it costs $9k to get married) Maybe you could set a time each week when you discuss everything wedding and he gives his opinion on the things you need it on? That way he’s not getting annoyed that he’s hearing it all the time and you can hopefully get things accomplished without him tuning you out.
The shirt/cleaning comments would irk me. My response would be,’ then clean it! ‘
Post # 6
I hate reading posts where someone (anyone but especially the groom) is taking all the fun out of the planning process.
Honestly, they just don’t care that much. I get it. They aren’t our girlfriends who ooh and aahh at weddings and ribbons and wtf we do. But it would be nice to see some enthusiasm and romance during this time because it is a special time for the couple.
Can you tell him you’re taking a break on the wedding planning and that you will not discuss it for 3 weeks (or whatever) and after the hiatus you expect some attention, enthusiasm and an attitude adjustment at the end?!
BTW-I did laugh at the ungrateful asshole spot though. Yay for Xanax.
Post # 7
If he is so specific about where he wants the ceremony and reception and expects you to have those places, then he should help with the other stuff! You are going ahead with what may not be your ideal venue to please him, so he should help with other stuff to please you. Explain to him that it hurts that he isn’t involved and ask him to help with planning, or consider another venue if he doesn’t step up!
Post # 8
Thanks so much for all of your feedback, ladies!