Post # 1
I’m feeling a little frustrated by fiance’s brother, who my fiance is having as his best man. He has been completely rude about the wedding from when we got engaged.
- Yesterday, he was complaining that he has to take a day off for the wedding (he happens to work on Saturdays).
- He was also angry that it is being held at the church in my hometown, apparently instead of in his town.
- My fiance arranged a limo to take the groomsmen to the church before the wedding. Apparently, my fiance’s brother wants to drive instead. This wouldn’t annoy me, except that I would think that someone would want to be there for their brother the one time they are asked! We arranged a ride for him to get back to his house after the wedding. Plus, it isn’t as if riding in a limo is a hardship…
- We are getting married in a Catholic church and the priest has asked that the groom and the groomsmen are there about 45 minutes before the ceremony. This is standard. He was very vocally complaining about that too.
- He doesn’t want to have to take photos between the ceremony and the reception. He spent a good deal of time complaining about it.
- The thing that frustrated me the most is that we were comped several hotel rooms (3)as a perk for booking our wedding at a certain venue. We were planning to give my fiance’s brother one of the rooms as a gift. We told him that and he just said, “Oh, wasn’t that like free for you guys anyway?”. A big part of me wants to tell him that he can go ahead and go home after the wedding or pay the $200 to stay over if he wishes and that we would give the room to my brother instead.
Would anyone else find this frustrating, or am I just being an oversensitive bride? How would you handle these comments?
Post # 3
He sounds obnoxious. Your FI needs to put him in his place. He’s rude and someone needs to shut him down.
Post # 4
I’d tell him either get with the program or get out.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Have you ever heard of the saying that a leopard doesn’t change his spots? I think that applies here. Your FI’s brother is behaving in a rather self-centered manner. Am I right that he’s pretty much always been this way? If so, he’s not going to change just because his brother is getting married. If your FI really wants him to be the best man, it’s time to lower expectations. If you expect him to be self-centered, you won’t be surprised or disappointed when he lives up to his own standards, and you can plan accordingly (aka have a VERY good back-up plan for when he shows up 5 minutes before the ceremony is about to start). If your FI isn’t completely stuck on the idea of his brother being the best man, your FI could delicately and tactfully offer him an out.
Post # 6
He sounds like a jerk. Ignore him. Some people just aren’t happy unless they’re complaining.
Post # 7
@MrsTVLover: +1 your FI needs to put him in his place. Or kick him out. Rude; this is YOUR day.
Post # 8
That is extremely frustrating. Your requests aren’t unreasonable at all, and you’re going out of your way to help him (with the free room and the limo to the church). If he’s so inconvenienced by typical groomsman duties, maybe he shouldn’t be a groomsman at all. Your FI should sit down with him and talk things out.
Post # 9
My DH’s brother (also a groomsman) left after the ceremony–when the reception started. He did not tell us he was planning to do so, just came by the table and said he was leaving.
…can’t pick your family 🙂
Post # 10
I tend to think that when people don’t take an opportunity to be kind and respectful to loved ones (it’s SO easy to do at weddings, just keep your opinions to yourself, follow the wishes of the bride and groom, with a smile on your face) it says something about their character and really, there’s not a lot you can do about it. He wants to be a jerk to your brother and his new wife on their wedding day, so let him! This will show everyone that he wants to distance himself from his family. If he refuses to participate or accept the hotel room, simply say “Ok! We want you there, but we understand if you don’t want to participate.” And just know in your hearts that he can’t be counted on. Be careful the next time he comes to you guys needed something.
It’s so hurtful when family is dissapointing, but take this as an opportunity to see him for who he really is.
Post # 11
Your FI needs to put him in check.
Post # 12
Yes, I would absolutely be annoyed. He does sound obnoxious. Your fiance needs to tell him if he doesn’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, lol.
I would especially be annoyed about the hotel thing – I’m sure you can think of 25 other guests you could give that to who would be grateful for a free hotel room. Yeah “free” hotel room after you spend thousands on the wedding venue. He sounds like he doesn’t have a clue about anything and just likes to complain.
Post # 13
I am pretty blunt. I’d tell him he needs to stop whining or he doesn’t have to come. You’re asking him to attend a wedding, not stay at a prisoner of war camp.
Post # 14
@Jess1483: Wow, that is so horrible of your brother in law! I would be pretty upset. It sounds like you took it in stride. It says a lot about both of you…
Post # 15
@Sea_Ashley: That’s what upset me about it. There are so many family members who would be really happy if they could stay at the hotel without having to pay for it. He was completely ungracious and acted as if my fiance had handed him a soda he got for free.
Post # 16
What a little brat.
Honestly, it sounds to me like he’s throwing a tantrum because his brother is getting married, and there’s someone more important in your FI’s life than his brother. You guys need to tell him to cut the shit and get with the program. And by you guys, I mean your FI.