Weddingbee boards

I don't want to speak badly about her to my friends or family so I need to have my little vent here! Sigh. She just STRESSES so much! Basically she's nice and okay, and I have no major beef with her or anything, but it's getting on my nerves! Partly because I feel criticised by it, and partly because I don't know what to do about it.

We're having our engagement party this weekend at her & my father's place. Knowing that a) dad's kinda average at communicating, and b) she's easily offended, in hindsight it would've been best to make sure I speak to her too, so things were squared with everyone. Fi & I are more or less organising it, but basically my mum's taken over (which is great, we don't really have a clue!).

To give you an idea of what she's like, some friends and I spent two nights camping on their farm as a part of our summer holiday over New Years. Similar deal with me talking to Dad & Dad not really passing everything on, she got stressed & didn't want people in the house, using the kitchen, they have to stay outside etc etc. I thought it was a bit rude/offensive - she was nice enough around everyone, but did make the odd passive aggressive comment when she was around someone on their own. And these friends are THE nicest, most helpful people I know - super respectful/considerate, vacuumed the house & cleaned when we left and so on. Whatever, no conflict between us, but I thought she was a bit unreasonable/control freak.

Anyway - same deal with this party. She's all upset and worried about 'stuff' (details - what, when, who etc). What tipped this thread off was dad calling me to say please call her tonight and go through who's doing what, let her know what's happening etc (which I will do). But GRRR! Dad knows what's happening! Can she not just listen to him?! (No.) Why is she stressing out? They're not doing it all themselves - we have many aunts who are bringing most all of the food. I get that we're 'invading' her house, but it's not like it was forced! Far out, get a grip woman. As far as I can tell she expects me to be *something*, I'm not sure what. Grovelling, appreciative (which I am, but haven't talked to her personally re: the organisation of this party so far), kotowing??

I'd just rather not have to deal with her! If it was just Dad it would be so much easier, we work well together. I'll admit that I don't really consider her much. She & Dad have been together a few years (5?), but she'll never be a 'step mother' to me. Dad is my father, she's just a woman to me.

I don't know... this is long. Sorry! I feel better but still a bit grr at her. That GOODNESS she's not having a part in organising the wedding. She certainly won't be on the invitations, either.

@krissycake - thank you, I'm glad I'm not going mad! I always feel like it's my fault, even though she's always got a bee in her bonnet about something.

@cimemaparadiso - that's a good idea!

@bvig - You don't know how right you are! She & mum are actually quite similar in their like of details & careful planning & control - but she makes mum look very chilled out haha (Dad didn't know how easy he got it - even he admits that lol). Dad & I are big picture, 'it'll come together' (and it does) people, which is where some of the problem comes from. I guess I'm a bit pissed because it's their failings in communication, but it comes back on me! Not my fault! And I hate 'having' to run things past her, like she's in charge. But then I can't rely on dad to. So, you're right!

I know you guys are right, and I did - just called her now (they don't email very much and I decided there weren't enough details to bother writing it down). Found out that she won't be there this weekend! Yes! So that will make it easier. Plus I think she's calmed down now we had a good chat about everything and she had her ramble about 'didn't know this, didn't know that' (she's enough nice about it, at least). So yay :)

Thanks!