Post # 1
I need some advice ladies. This is a bit long so bear with me. Here’s a little back story, our best man, N is really opinionated. He is always around and always thinks he knows what’s best. He is a big talker and constantly provides his ideas about things even when you don’t ask. Needless to say he can be a bit much to handle. I have accepted him and maintained a great friendship with him. The problem?
He has HORRIBLE anxiety. He has a fear of being around people he doesn’t know especially large groups of people. He fears going places he’s never been. The funny thing is that people love him and he is always the life of the party. I understand this and have learned to deal with it. Because of his anxiety he refuses to do anything my FI wants to do regarding the bachelor party. I know we have quite a bit of time before we start any of that however there is a reason we need to get a jump on it. FI wants to rent a cabin and have a guys weekend the same weekend I have mine, which my MOH has planned. Perfect, awesome. However BM N is against it. Thinks it’s stupid to rent a cabin with a bunch of guys. He would rather sit at home and drink around a campfire. My FI offered going to see a baseball game, BM N thinks it’s dumb and wants to throw a party in our home town.
My FI doesn’t want a party in our hometown. He wants to get away with a bunch of his best guy friends for a weekend of beer and hanging out. Nothing too crazy. He is against strip clubs and random girls but BM N doesn’t want to do anything without the opportunity to “pick up chicks”. I have seen that my FI is visablly disappointed that his best friend isn’t offering any ideas or suggestions other than a party at home. My FI is also disappointed that BM N knows what my FI wants to do but isn’t doing anything to facilitate it.
Should I say something to BM N or just let it be? What do I say to BM N to help him realize that this is not about him, it’s supposed to be about his best friend, my FI. My FI is the kind of guy who wouldn’t say anything.
Post # 3
@Bribaby119: I don’t quite understand how his anxiety around people makes him unable to have fun unless he can pick up chicks. Those two facts just don’t add up.
I’d see if there was another groomsman/friend/family member that would be willing to take over planning duties with your fiance.
Post # 4
@Bribaby119: Perhaps you should just talk to your fiances other groommen and friends and tell them this is what he wants to do. Then I’d talk to the BM and just say that this is what your fiance wants to do and he can be involved but he dosnt have to be.
It dosn’t really sound like social anxiety to me…it mostly just sounds a little selfish on BM’s part.
It sounds like your fiance is a nice guy who dosnt want to hurt anyone’s feelings or but ultimately he should have the kind of party he wants and you should see that he gets it 🙂
Post # 5
@Polygon: What I meant is that his anxiety prevents him from leaving his home town. He doesn’t want to go anywhere. He certainly knows how to have a good time but it’s always at home. He doesn’t think going to a cabin in some other town is fun. Your are correct in that another reason he doesn’t want to go to the cabin is that he can’t pick up chicks. It’s 2 different things.
@March1stBride: I agree that I thought it was selfish but I just didn’t know if I should say something to him. I think your right that I should maybe find someone else to head up the planning aspect. I just hate seeing my FI so disappointed.
Post # 6
@Bribaby119: Maybe you should just have somebody else do it and help them. I don’t think it’s worth an argument or anything like that with BM but I do think your fiance should get his boys weekend.
Also, I think it’s super sweet that you’re so concerned about this for him! He is a lucky guy!
Post # 7
@March1stBride: I agree I think he should get his boys weekend! I am getting my girl’s weekend. Now comes the tricky part of who to enlist as a lot of his groomsmen are INSANELY busy. All these guys work like 50-60 hours a week. Thankfully we have a large bridal party so I have a few choices.
I think I am the lucky one! I just don’t want him disappointed or having to compromise because of his BM.