Frustrated with waiting…need to vent!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I was you up until a few months ago.  Let me guess…all your friends are going off and getting married too (if they’re not on their first kid already)?

It DOES matter if he doesn’t propose, or you wouldn’t have taken the time to write this.  I just hope he’s not stringing you along giving you the answers you want for the time being without the intent of following through.

OMG the “dating” title – I GET IT!  We had been living together for 2 years so I told him I was going to start referring to him as my “domestic partner” since we were somewhere between dating and engaged, and there’s no word for that.  I FEEL YOUR PAIN! 

Has he ever told you what his hangup is?  I flat out asked my fiance (I might have been drunk!) if his apprehension was anything other than money.  Turns out he was very concerned with being the “breadwinner” and making sure we were taken care of, that he had enough savings and things were completely in order.  I didn’t realize how “traditionally” he felt about things until then.

*sigh* it’ll happen.  If he knows how much marriage means to you, it’ll happen.   

Post # 4
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@BOSOXfan07:  Did you put money into the house as well?

Post # 7
496 posts
Helper bee

@BOSOXfan07:  yeah, it is not your house. Not even a little bit. If you break up, good luck getting a court to give you the money you put in back to you. I have no advice because he doesn’t seem to have an actual reason.

Post # 8
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@bluefrog33:  +1

@BOSOXfan07:  I think it was wrong of him to accept your money toward the house and not put you on the deed or mortgage, and that should send you a very clear message. Also, you were broken up for 2 years and he never even came after you. You called him after all that time. Seems to me that this man can live quite easily without you. And he has all the power here. I think you would do well to grab some of that power back and move out. Otherwise you may end up just sitting there forever while he jerks you to the ends of the earth.


Post # 9
496 posts
Helper bee


“Truthfully, it doesn’t matter if he never proposes, I won’t go anywhere. I love him to much and he’s too perfect for me.  It just sucks so much that he knows how important this one thing is to me and he just leaves me waiting for it.”

This is why he won’t do it- because he doesn’t have to. He knows you will stay and stay so why would he do something he doesn’t really really want to do if there is no reason to do so. It is like someone that gets to live rent free, has money deposited into their account every two weeks and take trips without having to pay for it. Why would they go get a job? He is not too perfect for you. There is no one “too perfect” for anyone because we are all imperfect. You have just convinced yourself of that for some reason. I understand not wanting to move on, not wanting to do the work to find someone else that is good, but you have to get it out of your head that he is some perfect person. He is not. You are not happy so you wrote this  (equals–>) he is not perfect for you all the time. he may be great, he may be nice, but he is not perfect. There are other guys out there….

Post # 10
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think for some people marriage is a necessity, and for others it isn’t.

Is marriage something you need to be happy? If it is, as hard as it would be to imagine life without him, I might start considering it.

On the other hand, if marriage isn’t something you need, I would start planning your lives together/getting your name on the deed/making one another beneficiaries/all that fun stuff.

Post # 11
5773 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you’re financially stable and already living in a home that he owns and you help pay for, then perhaps you should consider making the ring a joint purchase.  That won’t convince him if he is flat-out 100% never ever planning to marry, but if he’s just being a procrastinator, then your contribution of half the money would be a good way to move things along.  Face it, you yourself say you’re not going anywhere.  You’re an established household and you’re splitting the costs of your everyday lives, and you’re splitting the decision-making as well. No reason this decision and this cost should be his alone.

Lay out your timeline, pick out 2 or 3 rings you like, tell him ‘this is how much it’s going to cost each of us and this is when it’s going to happen.’

I wouldn’t much worry about not having my name on the mortgage but in most jurisdictions, unless you’re already married, there  can be some serious tax implications of having your name added to the deed. So I would not put my foot down on that one until I talked to a CPA and/or actually got married.

Post # 14
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I have been with my SO for ten years,  at the seven/eight year mark, most of my friends were engaged, married or having babies.   When the last friend announced she was engaged it really tore me up.   Even more so when she got married.


Then I thought hey I am still  young just wait it out.    I have been there, done that and have made peace if I am to be engaged or not.

Post # 15
27 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was in your boat just a week ago!

However we do own our house together. All my friends were engaged or married to their SO of only a year and a bit! 

But we have been together for 3 years and I still had no proposal. I had to have a big heart to heart with him and explain how important it was to me and how he doesn’t understand the stress and insecurities it was putting on me. The only reason he saw to not propose sooner was that he did not see marriage or engagement as any different then we were with owning a house and what not. Typical Male! When I explained to him that it is very important to me, he came around!

Even now that he’s my FI, he does not see any difference, except that I am OVER THE MOON excited!

It sounds like your SO feels the same, expecially since he doesn’t like the dating word and what not. 

I would honestly just sit him down and have a timeline talk. Ask him where he wants to be in 5 years and explain to him where you want to be and how you can both get there together. 

Keep us updated!!!!!!

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors