- 3 years ago
AAAHHHHHH! There. I screamed out loud. That should make me feel better.
Nope. Still an empty space on that finger that I so badly seem to “Need” to be filled.
I don’t know how it got this way. My SO and I have been together around 5 years, with a 2 year break in the middle somewhere. When we broke up 4 years ago, it was purely for the fact that he said he did not want to get married, and I did, and I decided I wasn’t going to waste my time with someone that didn’t have the same goals as me.
Except he was perfect for me. We always had a great time together, he had a good job, a great family, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Two years passed without a single phone call, and I reached out to him, with no expectation of getting back together. I just wanted to talk to him – long story short, we decided to give it another go. I told him this time, I don’t want to do this without him knowing that one major goal in my life was to be married and start a family. He agreed. He wants the same thing, and it feels different this time around.
No timeline. Shit. Should’ve given a timeline.
Then the waiting game. Two and a half years later, we are living in a house he bought that he claims is “ours” except I’m not on the mortgage or deed. I tell him it doesn’t feel like it’s mine, I pay him rent every month, I have no claim to it. He gets frustrated when I say the “rent” word. When we bought the home, I told him I was weary to move and start a new life somewhere with him without a promise of marraige. He said give him 6 months. Fine, no problem….except 6 months went by, then a year.
I brought it up again at the beginning of December, just asking what is on his mind. Why is he afraid to do it? I don’t want to pressure, but it’s so hard to just wait. I told him I feel like my life is on hold until there’s something there. He thinks nothing changes once we are married and while I agree that our day to day doesn’t change, we can plan for a future. He thinks we can have kids and not be married. I disagree. Funny thing is, he gets frustrated with me when I use the word “dating” in reference to him. He tells me we are way more than that.
Both of our families love each other, they both think we are a great match. We greatly enjoy each others company and our life is virtually perfect except for this one thing.
I’m 28, hes 32, we both have finished college and have excellent jobs, he has enough money saved up to get a ring. I don’t get why he won’t do it, it feels like I’m rejected over and over. He asks me what my rush is…and I don’t feel like I am rushing at all! I think 2 and a half years (5 total!!) together is enough time to know I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
We have been through a lot together, I was deployed to AFG for over a year, and we stayed together through all of it, a major testament to our relationship. We went through a major sudden death in my family, and he was my rock through it all.
Truthfully, it doesn’t matter if he never proposes, I won’t go anywhere. I love him to much and he’s too perfect for me. It just sucks so much that he knows how important this one thing is to me and he just leaves me waiting for it.