Post # 1
So even though we restricted plus ones to our guests we felt that the bridal party should get a plus one invite out of courtesy. We knew that the majority of them would not have a plus one, but wanted to extend it, just in case. As of this Sat morning no one was bringing a plus one. We were so excited that our friends were mature enough to realize that if they werent dating anyone it prob wasnt appropriate to bring a “random.”
Flash forward to Sat night. To my bachelorette party. The night was winding down when I see someone we went to college with. To me this person is an aquaitance, to my Maid/Matron of Honor she worked with this person for a few years in college. As far as I know hey hangout at bars when they randomly run into each other.
My Maid/Matron of Honor invited this guy as her plus one. I am less than enthused for a few reasons. First of all she is supposed to stay with me the few days before the wedding. If this guys is her plus one she will prob stay with him bc she will get drunk and he lives closer to the venus. This really hurts my feelings bc I was counting on staying with my best friend the night before I got married. so I will spend it alone — fantastic. 🙁 Secondly, it has been the plan since day one for our mutual friend to be her plus one since the mutal friend’s Fiance is in Iraq and would not be able to attend the wedding. So now I worry that this girl (who will not know anyone else at the wedding) is going to be ditched the night of the wedding bc Maid/Matron of Honor will again more than likey stay with this guy. If Maid/Matron of Honor stays with this guy then I would almost bet that she will not help in anyway after the wedding. Another big issue is that she gave him a spot on our party bus. My Fiance and I already decided that it would be bridal party only since the bridal party is huge and the really giant busses were out of our price range.
I know I cannot tell her she can’t invite this guy (besides the fact she already invited him) but I thought I could email eveyone what they will be in charge of before, during and after the wedding reception. This would be in hopes that she actually takes it seriously and then realizes she would have to actually do something as Maid/Matron of Honor (which she hasn’t thus far) The other thought I had was to share these fears with our mutal friend and see if she could help make sure the Maid/Matron of Honor took her duties seriously. Kind of like a kid wrangler but for the Maid/Matron of Honor (wow if that has to happen its going to be really sad)
I don’t know how to approach this bees. Can you guys help me? I am now feeling pretty hurt and VERY anxious for what will happen at my reception 🙁
Post # 3
please give advice. My numbers will be due to the caterer at the end of the week. help, Help, HELP!
Post # 4
Def email with advice of duties and I really think she would listen. if she doesnt pull through you have every right to be annoyed.
Best of luck and sorry that your a bit upset at the situation. Fingers crossed for the best!
Edit: Also mutual friend can work!! What your thinking is def a good idea
Post # 5
Take a deep breath – you can figure this out. First of all, I think it’s a bit unfair to permit your bridal party to bring plus ones and then freak out when someone does. Although I understand that you prefer that she doesn’t bring this guy, she is following your rules. You didn’t say “only engaged or serious couples only”, right? And your Maid/Matron of Honor can’t read your mind!
Regarding her being unable to complete her “duties”, you should be careful about assigning people tasks for before and after. They aren’t your servants and should be able to enjoy the wedding. It sounds like you got a bachelorette party; if your Maid/Matron of Honor buys her dress and shows up to the wedding, she’s fulfilled all her duties already. If she wants to help with other things, that’s great, but you can’t expect that of her or anyone else. During the wedding you want them to have fun, not work through the evening.
Finally, it makes sense that you would want to spend the night before the wedding with your Maid/Matron of Honor and that you’d like her to show the other girl around. But these are not requirements – you can’t force her to do it! If you made clear plans for a pre-wedding sleepover and for the other girl to come as the plus one, you can remind your Maid/Matron of Honor and ask her what she plans on doing. It might be that while you were counting on both of these things to happen, she didn’t realize you were expecting either.
In any case, since she is following your rules and hasn’t done anything horrible, I think all you can do is express your concerns to her and move on. You can have the mutual friend get her own invite (I don’t understand why she had to be a plus one rather than just a guest?), and maybe let her bring another friend as HER plus one so she isn’t lonely.
Post # 6
So your Maid/Matron of Honor was originally going to have the mutual friend that you two share as her plus one? Did you remind her that she already agreed to invite that person? I’m wondering if maybe she forgot.
I don’t understand why your Maid/Matron of Honor wouldn’t stay with you the night before the wedding. I could see her crashing at this guys place after your wedding since he lives near the venue… but why would she stay there the night before? I would tell her that it would mean the world to you if she would stay with you the night before the wedding. If she’s a good friend, I’m sure she’d stay!
Post # 7
WOW! I think it kinda sucks that she waited until the last minute to add a plus one, not to mention, some guy she hardly hangs out with but on occasion. I mean is she the type of girl that needs to have an escort?
Secondly, it’s really rude for her to assume that he can ride in the bridal bus. I would definately nip that in the bud! Just tell her, you’re glad she found an escort for your wedding, but keep in mind, you’re my Maid/Matron of Honor and you have your duties first and foremost. Then give her the list of responsibilities tht you expect from her the day before,of,and after. Hopefully she will be responsible enough to take you seriously. Otherwsise you may have to elect another one of your bridesmaid to be the back up Maid/Matron of Honor.
Not sure if that helps at all, but that is what I would do.
Post # 8
@girlwitharing: I am not freaking out about her plus one. We extended plus ones to the bridal party and I know we cant do anything about people bringing a random. I get that, that is not the issue here. It was her idea for her and my mutual friends be each other’s dates. They each recieved their own invitation.
I guess my main frustration is that she frequently changes plans, and I was really looking forward to the time we would be able to have. (She is out of town and we do not get to spend much time together in the first place)
Post # 9
I understand where you’re coming from. I’m a planner by nature – very organized, and I always think about how things will turn out, and what I need to do to ensure that it all works out great. I would be thinking about how your MOH’s decision affects your wedding day, and your friend, as well. Totally with you.
On the other hand, though, if you knew your Maid/Matron of Honor was this way, it’s kind of the risk you take. (Not to say she’s a risk, but you knew this about her, yes?). My advice, one planner type to another? Let it go. There’s really not much you can do without coming off as controlling, really. And, being that you’re so close to your day, it might just be best to let it lie. What I would do, though, is casually mention to your Maid/Matron of Honor that your friend no longer has a date because your Maid/Matron of Honor is bringing someone. Perhaps that’ll clue her in to what’s going on in your head, and make her think of solutions. And, hopefully, the right solutions. 😀
Post # 10
@bride: that is what hurts the most. She isn’t like this at all! She has been a MB in many weddings, and she has always done a fantastic job. Since she is my Boyfriend or Best Friend and she had been in so many weddings before, and is responsible I knew she would do a great job, unfortunately that hasn’t been the case for my wedding.
Post # 11
Bring it to her attention in a soft way, left her know exactly how you feel. It is your wedding day and you need her as your Boyfriend or Best Friend and Maid/Matron of Honor and she needs to step up to the plate. If you don’t tell her and hold it in it may come out the wrong way later.