(Closed) Sad and frustrated…need advice! Please help me!

posted 8 years ago in Reception
Post # 4
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Def email with advice of duties and I really think she would listen. if she doesnt pull through you have every right to be annoyed.

Best of luck and sorry that your a bit upset at the situation. Fingers crossed for the best!

Edit: Also mutual friend can work!! What your thinking is def a good idea

Post # 5
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Take a deep breath – you can figure this out. First of all, I think it’s a bit unfair to permit your bridal party to bring plus ones and then freak out when someone does. Although I understand that you prefer that she doesn’t bring this guy, she is following your rules. You didn’t say “only engaged or serious couples only”, right? And your Maid/Matron of Honor can’t read your mind! 

Regarding her being unable to complete her “duties”, you should be careful about assigning people tasks for before and after. They aren’t your servants and should be able to enjoy the wedding. It sounds like you got a bachelorette party; if your Maid/Matron of Honor buys her dress and shows up to the wedding, she’s fulfilled all her duties already. If she wants to help with other things, that’s great, but you can’t expect that of her or anyone else. During the wedding you want them to have fun, not work through the evening. 

Finally, it makes sense that you would want to spend the night before the wedding with your Maid/Matron of Honor and that you’d like her to show the other girl around. But these are not requirements – you can’t force her to do it! If you made clear plans for a pre-wedding sleepover and for the other girl to come as the plus one, you can remind your Maid/Matron of Honor and ask her what she plans on doing. It might be that while you were counting on both of these things to happen, she didn’t realize you were expecting either. 

In any case, since she is following your rules and hasn’t done anything horrible, I think all you can do is express your concerns to her and move on. You can have the mutual friend get her own invite (I don’t understand why she had to be a plus one rather than just a guest?), and maybe let her bring another friend as HER plus one so she isn’t lonely. 


Post # 6
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

So your Maid/Matron of Honor was originally going to have the mutual friend that you two share as her plus one?  Did you remind her that she already agreed to invite that person?  I’m wondering if maybe she forgot. 

I don’t understand why your Maid/Matron of Honor wouldn’t stay with you the night before the wedding.  I could see her crashing at this guys place after your wedding since he lives near the venue… but why would she stay there the night before?  I would tell her that it would mean the world to you if she would stay with you the night before the wedding.  If she’s a good friend, I’m sure she’d stay!

Post # 7
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

WOW! I think it kinda sucks that she waited until the last minute to add a plus one, not to mention, some guy she hardly hangs out with but on occasion.  I mean is she the type of girl that needs to have an escort?

Secondly, it’s really rude for her to assume that he can ride in the bridal bus.  I would definately nip that in the bud!  Just tell her, you’re glad she found an escort for your wedding, but keep in mind, you’re my Maid/Matron of Honor and you have your duties first and foremost.  Then give her the list of responsibilities tht you expect from her the day before,of,and after.  Hopefully she will be responsible enough to take you seriously.  Otherwsise you may have to elect another one of your bridesmaid to be the back up Maid/Matron of Honor.


Not sure if that helps at all, but that is what I would do.

Post # 9
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understand where you’re coming from. I’m a planner by nature – very organized, and I always think about how things will turn out, and what I need to do to ensure that it all works out great. I would be thinking about how your MOH’s decision affects your wedding day, and your friend, as well. Totally with you.

On the other hand, though, if you knew your Maid/Matron of Honor was this way, it’s kind of the risk you take. (Not to say she’s a risk, but you knew this about her, yes?). My advice, one planner type to another? Let it go. There’s really not much you can do without coming off as controlling, really. And, being that you’re so close to your day, it might just be best to let it lie. What I would do, though, is casually mention to your Maid/Matron of Honor that your friend no longer has a date because your Maid/Matron of Honor is bringing someone. Perhaps that’ll clue her in to what’s going on in your head, and make her think of solutions. And, hopefully, the right solutions. ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 11
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Bring it to her attention in a soft way, left her know exactly how you feel. It is your wedding day and you need her as your Boyfriend or Best Friend and Maid/Matron of Honor and she needs to step up to the plate. If you don’t tell her and hold it in it may come out the wrong way later. 

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