- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
I’m getting married in 10 weeks, and we had a short engagement in prep for my fiance to deploy to Afghanistan. One of the problems (to me, a benefit!) is that we don’t have time for much of the obligatory celebrating for a wedding – We have no wedding party other than our sisters (we each have one) and our ring bearer dog. No bridal shower, no bachelorette party, and all that.
I did not want a rehearsal dinner. First off, we’re feeding everyone on Sunday early afternoon (cocktail reception starts at noon, reception at 1). And secondly, I have to be up early on Sunday to get ready, and I did not want to be up late on Saturday having to talk to a lot of people – I wanted to hang out with my out of town girlfriend, maybe hang in bed and watch a movie, and go to sleep to get up at 6 or 7am.
My FMIL was having none of it. We asked if we could have an early dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, but no – she said “what are you, 80?” and also we couldn’t walk there from the wedding hotel. She said she had a certain amount to spend, and I asked my FH to let her know that we didn’t want a rehearsal dinner since we have no bridal party, so if she wants to contribute, pay for the flowers and that would be a wonderful contribution. Nope. We have a rehearsal dinner.
She also thinks I’ll be able to go to Jersey for an aufruf.
We have no long weekends where the office is closed on Friday, and we are already scheduled to sponsor the oneg on the Shabbat before our wedding. That is our synagogue, and we are having our aufruf there. But she keeps saying, “when you’re here for your aufruf”. Now, I don’t want to take additional time off work so she can parade us around her synagogue and pay for things that we don’t want to do.
I really want her to stop organizing her own wedding events when my own parents, who are not earning an income right now, could really use help in paying for aspects of the wedding (we’re contributing as much as we can). I don’t know how else to tell her other than say point blank “everything for the wedding is already planned, unfortunately I cannot take any more time off work until after the wedding”.
I’m at the end of my rope with her fake innocence (“ohhh I don’t know who pays for what, I got married in Israel!”). The money for the rehearsal dinner would have been a HUGE help in covering for the flowers among other things. It’s getting us even more off to a bad start (she generally rubs me the wrong way but I can ignore her, it’s just this stuff I can’t ignore)