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OH "has he proposed yet" is the worst question in the world! My FI and I are in a LDR and it was well over 3 years before he proposed. Everytime I came back, I was asked that question. It made me want to punch them!!
Unfortunately, you can't say "I need a ring on my finger soon..." it will probably just delay your engagement. You have to learn (oh its so hard) to be happy with where you are right now! My FI had the ring for 6 months and he saw me every month from the time he bought the ring until he gave it to me... At first I got mad at the end of every trip together. Like, why hasn't he done it!? Then I stopped talking about it. I didn't say ring. I didn't say the word wedding.. it was removed from my vocabulary & voila! He proposed the next trip AFTER i stopped talking about it.
I know that saying nothing works for the most part, with my guy it's almost as though the reminder has stopped. I've asked him one or two times over the years "when will you learn to drive" "after I've qualified". I've stopped asking him now. He still hasn't booked a lesson, or taken his theory test, and he's been qualified 10 months. The boy just can't think past his next meal for the future planning wise. This is why I'm considering prompting him (although not as rude as I originally typed).
Even though you don't have the ring there is nothing stopping you from doing some wedding research! That way when things are "official" you will at the very least have an idea of what you want and may even know exactly what you want when it comes to the big things.
So what you're saying is that he doesn't seem to be very motivated by anything then?
That's obviously just how he is. You can't change him & you have to take him as is-- especially if you want to marry. He will never change into a planner & you will probably be "prompting" him to do things for the rest of your married life.
Does he live in a big city & has no use for a DL? I couldn't function if I couldn't drive :P
He lives in a seaside town and his dad drives him to work every day(and he can easily get a bus too). I can barely talk as I can drive, but as I'm also living with parents, there is no room to park any car I'd have and me and my mum both work in the same part of town and she gives me a lift to work. But being 28, I'd have thought he'd want SOME independence. I am the planner, and I know he never will be, but with other stuff I can shove a rocket up his bum a bit, this is more delicate, and I know rockets aren't the way with this. don't think he ever will at the rate I'm going. It isn't through lack of love, or lack of wanting to be with me. It's lack of having a clue how long things take to prepare, despite being told.
*and breathe*
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Aww ((hugs))... I have a touch of OCD, seriously. I get anxiety over stuff like that.
I'm sure he loves you greatly, especially if you've been in a LDR for this long! It's hard work, but I also know at this point in a LDR that you get tired of being so far apart. It becomes tiresome not having your boyfriend around...
He definitely needs to gain some independence before you marry. Honestly, from what you've said, he just doesn't sound like he's ready to get married.
I really don't want to rain on your parade! It's just, I don't think the proposal is the biggest issue here. He needs to figure out what he wants from his life & how he should go about doing it. I mean-- I know he's not a planner, but he needs a general idea of where he would like to go. If he's been putting off driving for 16 years, he could easily put off marriage for another 13... get my drift?
I do, and this is why I worry!!! i don't think it's not being ready, i can see the sense in when he wants to do it, if he lived with me now, he'd have asked already. Sadly by the time I can live with him, I feel like I'd be cramming everything in quick and rushing stuff.
Why can't you guys live together? Or even closer? I understand you guys need to work, but what do you do if you don't mind me asking? Is it work assignments that requires you to be in your specific cities or could you find a job out in his area? Or is it hard to find work right now where you live? Why do you need to wait until 2010?
Seriously Alexa, I feel for you!! This is rough... its just an additional stress that your LDR doesn't need!
when the conversation comes up about living together...tell you don't want to untill you are married. He should get the hint. And keep to this. otherwise, he is getting the milk for free.
i know not all couples wait for sex until marriage but I think when they do, they have a tendency to get hitched more quickly. I believe the same goes for living together.
Recessionistabride; we've qualified as opticians, as part of our contracts we have to stay at the practice we trained at for a certain time before we are 'released'. His contract ends at the end of september 2010. He likes working there, and is moving to live with me, so I don't want to rush him straight out of a job when he's already giving up a lot.
mizunoheaven; the idea was to get engaged and sort out wedding plans as soon as we were living together, but having done the maths of when that will be, I've decided that's a bit late on. It seems far too much hassle to organise a wedding long distance as it is, nevermind have to house hunt in the build up just before.
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Hello ladies! My name is Alexa, I'm 24 years old and trying to be as patient as I can. It is NOT working lol.
I have been with my boyfriend for just over 3 years. We have known we wanted to be with each other for the rest of our lives for a long time now. 8 months after being together we had decided on a ring for when the time came (i.e. 30 months ago). I have tried it on, and I took a picture of it on my finger to keep the memory alive.
He is 28, we live approx 100 miles apart due to work commitments. We fully intend on living together, this won't happen (and can't happen) until September 2010. We see each other most weekends and are very much in love. The reason BF hasn't yet proposed is because he wants to do it when we can be together properly. I fully understand this. At the same time, our timelines are not in sync! I want to get married in 2011 (not enough time to organise the wedding I want if we stick to his timeline). I want to get married in this year partly because I don't want to be an older mum. I want kids around the age of 28, not 30 (which it would nearly be if we waited around for him to propose).
We have virtually lived together at university, always staying over at each other's apartments, we have been on holidays...we know living together will work out. I don't want to rush things, or make him do it when he doesn't want to, but at the same time, I want to start organising getting married. He has even agreed that the year is ok and it isn't too soon etc.
Everyone keeps asking me if he has proposed yet, some thought for sure he would do it when I moved back home to be nearer to him. Others thought he would on our recent holiday.
I don't know what to do. How can I say to him 'I need a ring on my finger soon so I can make plans' without sounding a stupid, pushy idiot? I still want the element of surprise, but time feels like it's ticking away and I'll be doing things a lot later than what I wanted.
Sorry that was long. I've read it back, and I think I sound like a moron! xx
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