Frustration is building everyday….

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

This is a very frustrating place to be, I’m sure. I sometimes don’t understand why men who are otherwise established want to wait until they reach a certain place. Marriage is about growing together, ups and downs, so waiting until a perfect moment to start seems a bit silly–marriage won’t always be ‘perfect’. I understand if it’s financial reasons or age, but you two sounds like you both are pretty well-established–you in persuing a degree and him in starting his business. Married people can still go to graduate school or puruse a business opportunity or career path. With that said, you’re in a place where you have a difficult decision to make: do you want to be married in the next few years of your life or do you want to be with him, even if that means he may not want to get married for a long time if at all?

I don’t envy you your position. I think you need to sit down with him and ask for concrete examples as to why he’s waiting. Explore your options; let him know how you feel and try to find out what’s holding him back. Hopefully you can find a compromise best for bothof you. 🙂

Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should talk with him about it, and if his response is no different or worse, distance yourself. 

This isn’t to force him into proposing or changing his plans, it’s for your own sanity and to make it clear to him, and, most importantly, yourself, that you will not wait around for his situation to be exactly what he wants it to be. You don’t have the time for that, frankly; especially since you want children. 

It’s been six years. If things aren’t how he wants them to be now, when will they be? I wouldn’t stick around to find out. Getting married and having children doesn’t take all of that stuff that he’s waiting to achieve. Very few people would get married or have children if that was the case. You don’t put off important parts of life while you’re achieving your goals — you live life while you’re achieving your goals. 

Edited to add: I highly doubt he won’t get married because he’s not where he wants to be. He doesn’t deprive himself of other things for this “right time” reason, does he? I won’t go into your personal life with him, but I’m sure he didn’t put intimacy off because he wasn’t where he wanted to be in life. 

His “right time” rationale is likely just an excuse. That’s what I think, anyway. 

Post # 4
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Rhopalocera:  “You don’t put off important parts of life while you’re achieving your goals — you live life while you’re achieving your goals.” <br /><br />Yes, this exactly! Much better and more succinctly put than my rambling. 

Post # 5
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

6 years?! he needs to shit or get off the pot!

Post # 6
Member
39 posts
Newbee

I was also with my FI for 6 years and I told him HEY! I’m not about to be a girlfriend for 10 years! but him and I already have kids so that could be a big factor! How is he with your son? Does he have a Relationship with him?

 

Post # 7
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are basically looking for a way to make your BF adopt your views on marriage and propose. But that would require that he change and rule number 1 is you can’t change other people. You can change your reaction to them, and after 6 years I’d say it’s time for a different reaction. Hoping, pleading and seething clearly isn’t working for you. To put it mildly i would reevaluate the long term potential for this relationship. IMO it seems rather poor.

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