Post # 1
So FI’s sister announced her pregnancy some time ago, her and her husband had been trying for a while so everyone in the family was expecting it to happen soon.
Fast forward a few months me and FI get engaged. I think it was a big surprise to his family because we are young and haven’t been together that long and we live in Europe so everyone is excited at the prospect of travelling for the wedding.
Now apparently FSIL has been complaining that FI shouldn’t have proposed and only did it to steal her thunder (he bought the ring a month before she announced her pregnancy and was saving for a ring before they announced they were TTCing).
She has never really liked me and has often been rude to me (especially when FI isn’t around). When we first met I tried to find some common ground to bond and she always rebuked every attempt. Even a simple -let’s hit the shops together- was met by an icy -I’m not interested in shopping- so in the end I just gave up and now am polite but never make attempts to engage her further but I think now she is taking it too far!
Has anyone been in similar situations? how did you handle it?
Post # 3
@walnutgirl: I would just ignore her. Anyone who thinks someone else plans a major life event for the sole purpose of stealing their thunder is completely narcissistic. I would just keep playing nice if you see her, but let your FI handle any remarks about “stealing her thunder.” It’s amazing how self absorbed people can be!
Post # 4
I think you handle it by being the bigger person, by not letting it get to you, and by always doing the right thing on your end. You two may never be close, but if you are consistently pleasant and civil she can never say anything negative about you.
Post # 5
@walnutgirl: So when does her thunder end? When her child graduates from college? She’s being ridiculous. Ignore the “stealing thunder” comments, there’s nothing you need to defend yourself over.
But you can’t expect her to travel for your wedding, and maybe that’s her real issue. (Knowing she probably can’t, or can’t afford to, travel with a small baby).
Post # 6
@walnutgirl: she sounds kinda nuts. Ignore ignore ignore!
Post # 8
@walnutgirl: Just let it roll off, I am assuming that you and your FI are newely (within the last few months) engaged…..well it may be a hot topic for now, and she may just be feeling jealous, hormonal and insecure, esp since the brother lives farther away, it went from her being the center of attention to sharing it….just give it time, as it get closer to baby time, then the focus will be back on her and hopefully shell back off….
my best advice is just let it roll off, and ignore it….shell get over it….esp when you get into planning and the wedding isnt the hot topic until closer to time…
Post # 9
I think you send her a link to this website and she learns that the idea of stealing someone’s thunder is childish. I’m sorry you are in this position
Post # 10
Super lame of her. Sounds like you haven’t done anything wrong. Unfortunately not everyone will have a SIL in law that they love. I agree with others who’ve said to try to let it roll off your back. The best revenge is being the bigger person. Others will see that she’s being petty as long as you don’t engage in the drama.
Post # 11
@walnutgirl: Ignore, and be prepared when she throws a hissy fit if she is not included in the bridal party. You are every right to not have her.
Post # 12
That’s SO obnoxious! I’d ignore her. She’s being riddiculous!
Post # 13
You definitely have to ignore it. Something similar happened to my parents. They had been trying to have me for 5 years. My aunt found out she was pregnant three months before my parents did, and when they told her she slammed the phone down. She also still hates me lol. There is just nothing you can do, just keep living and enjoying life!
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2014 - EDD Aug '15
Ugh, how long would she expect you to wait? All the way during pregnancy? After it’s born? Until its first birthday? How ridiculous. IGNORE. If she were jut being hormonal because she’s pregnant I’d forgive her but it sounds like she’s just a rude person.
Post # 15
@walnutgirl: I would say that maybe its the hormones making her obnoxious, but it sounds like she’s been this way for a while – maybe they just made it worse than usual.
I would ignore her behavior for now. She’s being childish. Continue being polite and civil when you need to interact with her, if only for the sake of the rest of the family. At the very least you have an Ocean seperating you from her.
Post # 16
@walnutgirl: I would definitely just ignore it. How long does she expect that you wait to get engaged? Almost 9 months + (because if she’s pissed now- she’d be upset you were getting engaged when baby is being born!)– other poeple’s lives don’t have to be put on hold just because someone else is having an exciting event!
Not to mention- I’ve never been a fan of people who are all about other people “stealing thier thunder”- if people want to shower you with attention for a reason, they will.
Same goes for white at a wedding- people aren’t going to forget who the bride is!!
Congrats! Kill FSIL with kindness- she won’t know what to do with herself!