(Closed) FSIL and FMIL on Bridesmaid Dresses

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would pick a few dresses and let her choose between them.  You pick the color and then let her choose.  Or, you could have two shades of the same color and let her choose between the two.  Ultimately, this is your wedding and not your FMIL or FSIL.  If she doesn’t like it, too bad.  Yes, you want her to love it and feel great in it.  But, when it is her day, she can choose exactly what she wants. 

Bottom line- I would choose multiple dresses from the same designer and say “here are your choices, pick which one you love!”  Sounds like you’re dealing with a toddler here, and a person who just gives in to the toddler.  So, handle things how you would with a child- give them choices, all of which make you happy, and then they will feel like they are in control when they make their choice.

 

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Is there any way you could go with a friend to see someone try on on the dresses and then take her to show her the options. I think by talking about it with FMIL and FSIL they are under the impression that she is the only one that matters. If things get sticky that she insists on something different then what you like I would tell her that it doesn’t go with the feel of the wedding or you aren’t sure it would flatter the other BM.

Post # 5
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Is she self-conscious at all? Maybe about her body? It doesn’t sound like she wants to take over, she just doesn’t want to participate in traditional bridesmaid dress picking.

I would allow her to go by herself, but I would limit her choices. And then make sure she knows that the dress she picks would be taken in to consideration with your other bridesmaids choice.

Also, would you be ok with them picking the same color dress but letting them have a different style? This may be more appropriate if there is an argument down the line.

Post # 6
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Miss Mochaccino:  I know it is kinds snarky but I would tell her the color you originally wanted is being discontinued and you need to choose another color. Also try something along the lines of “hmm I’m glad you are taking the initivate to go bridesmaid shopping. It’s helpful and I appreciate it. When my other BM comes we will make the final decision based on what single dress makes you both look fantastic”. That way is strokes her ego but lets her know the decision is based on other factors besides her.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

 Seriously this is ridiculous. Your FSIl doesn’t get to dictate your weddings colors. Yes you should take the bridesmaid feelings into consideration, but this is taking it too far. You can be respectful but still stand up for yourself. Say to FMIL hey I feeling really uncomfortable because I don’t want to upset you guys but I need to make the best choice on what colors work for FI and I, and feel restricted by all the request. I also would stop communicating with FMIL about bridesmaid issues to keep out the drama. Treat your sister in law like your other bridesmaid. Simply pick your color and send them ideas and get feedback from them. If you feel they will be unreasonable about it, then your Fi will need to step in and rein FSIL behavior in.

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