Post # 1
I’m currently in the process of builidng a guest list – my mother and I worked on my half of the guest list together to make sure my side of the family as well as my friends all made it on the list, but my fiance has turned over complete control of his half of the guest list to his mother. I don’t have a great relationship with his mother or sister, but get along fine with his father and brother (his mother has made comments in the past to my fiance about me, saying things like she doesn’t like me and she’s not the only one that feels that way). I asked his sister to be a bridesmaid because I felt pressured to do so, and I regret it more and more every day. We wanted a small wedding (I’d be happier eloping if my fiance would agree to it) and one of the ways I’m trying to keep the wedding small is by having no “plus ones” if invited guests are not in a relationship. Everyone I’ve talked to seems fine with this, except my fiance’s sister. I have little contact with her, but she and my FMIL keep insisting she needs to invite her friend, regardless of the fact that the “no plus ones” rule applies to the bridal party as well (she is not the only single person in the bridal party). Every time my fiance tells his mother or sister about the rule, they say that it’s fine, the friend can just sit with my fiance’s parents and insist he must come to the wedding. I can’t figure out why they are so insistent since I never heard of this friend before the wedding guest list came up, but I don’t want to make an exception for just her or have to do away with my “no plus one’s” plan since it feels like the only way I can limit the size of my ballooning guest list. Do I just give up and make an exception just for her (which I feel like would give her and my FMIL grounds to keep pushing me around in the future) or stand my ground? I don’t have much support from my fiance – he says he agrees with me but never likes to stand up to his sister or mother for me.
Post # 2
- Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park
Ettiquette wise, you’re out of line on this one. Bridal parties always get a plus one whether they are in a relationship or not. Its just a common courtesy most people extend to the bridal party.
Post # 3
Objectively speaking, the sister wanting to bring a friend is not too big of a show stopper. You’re harboring a bit of resentment, understandably so, for his mom bad mouthing you behind your back. It’s hard for you to divorce the two issues from one another. That said, my unbiased opinion is to concede on this point, and it doesn’t seem like you’ll have to do away with your no plus-one rule. If they start suggesting more plus ones then you can pump the brakes.
Post # 4
Your FI was in charge of his half of the guest list and he handed it over to his mom and sister, I would understand that to be that they can invite who they see fit, or am I missing something? Was there ever a discussion as to how many invites each family had?
Post # 5
Firstly your guests should have a plus one, but his sister who is a bridesmaid should definitely have a plus one.
If to have split your guest list in half I don’t see why his mum and sister can’t make the decision to give SIL a plus one? It’s not an invite taken away from your side so why does it matter?
Post # 6
barnweddingbride : I think everyone in the bridal party should be given a +1 so…
Even so, is this the hill you want to die on?
Post # 7
I would let her have a plus one. She is family and in the bridal party, so I would make an exception for her.
Post # 8
Give your bridal party a plus one. It will go a long way.
Having a small wedding is nice. But your guests should have fun too! We gave everyone a plus one. As a result EVERYONE had a freaking awesome time. I’d say about a third of people actually used the plus one card. But your wedding should not only be fun for you, but for your guests as well.
Post # 9
I feel like a rule is a rule and should be universal unless your SIL is throwing down money for the wedding. Are the same rules applying for your family to? because if so it should be the same for everyone otherwise other people without a plus one may get upset. This is me though… its your wedding do what you and your fiance want.
Post # 10
Members of the wedding party should receive a plus one even if you aren’t extending plus ones to everyone on your list. If you have an issue with your FI handing over his responsibility for his half of the guest list to his mother that’s a FI issue.
Post # 11
I think you will be inviting more issues into your life by not letting her have the plus one, but I would let all of the bridal party have a plus one if they want to and let her know that, so she realizes that it’s not just for her.lol I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this!
Post # 12
barnweddingbride: Members of the bridal party always get a plus one per standard etiquette. Feel free to dislike your SIL all you want, but you’re the one being unreasonable and rather petty in this situation.
His family will soon be your family so try to afford them the same grace and consideration you would your own family members and as it will greatly improve your relationships moving forward. Life is too short for this to be a conflict worth choosing…
Post # 13
While I agree that the bridal party should be offered a plus 1 regardless, I completely understand where you are coming from and understand your concern. I think that you and your fiancee should really sit down and get on the same page regarding ground rules moving forward though, so that your future in-laws don’t walk all over you.
Post # 14
I agree with previous posters about conceding on this issue, OP. However, I am more concerned when you mentioned that your FI never stands up to his sister or his mother for you. That is an overarching issue that needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later.
Post # 15
This happened to me too! We have a very small wedding planned (20 people) and did not give the groom’s sister a plus one as she is single and we had stated in advance this would happen. The groom’s parents told her she could bring her friend (literally just a guy she knows, not a boyfriend) and then guilted us to invite him by treating us like children.Here we are 3 months before the wedding and the friend is no longer her friend, they don’t even talk (I should’ve stuck to my guns and kept saying no, I knew this would happen)! If you don’t want to give someone a plus one, don’t. It’s your wedding and anyone who cares about you at all should understand it’s your day and just be happy for you.