FSIL and FMIL problems – need advice!

posted 3 weeks ago in Family
Post # 2
5247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

Ettiquette wise, you’re out of line on this one. Bridal parties always get a plus one whether they are in a relationship or not. Its just a common courtesy most people extend to the bridal party.

Post # 3
784 posts
Busy bee

Objectively speaking, the sister wanting to bring a friend is not too big of a show stopper.  You’re harboring a bit of resentment, understandably so, for his mom bad mouthing you behind your back.  It’s hard for you to divorce the two issues from one another.  That said, my unbiased opinion is to concede on this point, and it doesn’t seem like you’ll have to do away with your no plus-one rule.  If they start suggesting more plus ones then you can pump the brakes.  

Post # 4
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Your FI was in charge of his half of the guest list and he handed it over to his mom and sister, I would understand that to be that they can invite who they see fit, or am I missing something? Was there ever a discussion as to how many invites each family had?

Post # 5
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Firstly your guests should have a plus one, but his sister who is a bridesmaid should definitely have a plus one.

If to have split your guest list in half I don’t see why his mum and sister can’t make the decision to give SIL a plus one? It’s not an invite taken away from your side so why does it matter? 

Post # 6
4829 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

barnweddingbride :  I think everyone in the bridal party should be given a +1 so…

Even so, is this the hill you want to die on? 

Post # 7
222 posts
Helper bee

I would let her have a plus one. She is family and in the bridal party, so I would make an exception for her.

Post # 8
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Give your bridal party a plus one. It will go a long way.

Having a small wedding is nice. But your guests should have fun too! We gave everyone a plus one. As a result EVERYONE had a freaking awesome time. I’d say about a third of people actually used the plus one card. But your wedding should not only be fun for you, but for your guests as well.

Post # 9
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I feel like a rule is a rule and should be universal unless your SIL is throwing down money for the wedding.  Are the same rules applying for your family to? because if so it should be the same for everyone otherwise other people without a plus one may get upset.  This is me though… its your wedding do what you and your fiance want. 

Post # 10
3189 posts
Sugar bee

Members of the wedding party should receive a plus one even if you aren’t extending plus ones to everyone on your list. If you have an issue with your FI handing over his responsibility for his half of the guest list to his mother that’s a FI issue. 

Post # 11
290 posts
Helper bee

I think you will be inviting more issues into your life by not letting her have the plus one, but I would let all of the bridal party have a plus one if they want to and let her know that, so she realizes that it’s not just for her.lol I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this! 

Post # 12
308 posts
Helper bee

barnweddingbride: Members of the bridal party always get a plus one per standard etiquette. Feel free to dislike your SIL all you want, but you’re the one being unreasonable and rather petty in this situation.  

His family will soon be your family so try to afford them the same grace and consideration you would your own family members and as it will greatly improve your relationships moving forward.  Life is too short for this to be a conflict worth choosing…

Post # 13
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

While I agree that the bridal party should be offered a plus 1 regardless, I completely understand where you are coming from and understand your concern.  I think that you and your fiancee should really sit down and get on the same page regarding ground rules moving forward though, so that your future in-laws don’t walk all over you.  

Post # 14
10 posts

I agree with previous posters about conceding on this issue, OP. However, I am more concerned when you mentioned that your FI never stands up to his sister or his mother for you. That is an overarching issue that needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later.

Post # 15
28 posts

This happened to me too! We have a very small wedding planned (20 people) and did not give the groom’s sister a plus one as she is single and we had stated in advance this would happen. The groom’s parents told her she could bring her friend (literally just a guy she knows, not a boyfriend) and then guilted us to invite him by treating us like children.Here we are 3 months before the wedding and the friend is no longer her friend, they don’t even talk (I should’ve stuck to my guns and kept saying no, I knew this would happen)! If you don’t want to give someone a plus one, don’t. It’s your wedding and anyone who cares about you at all should understand it’s your day and just be happy for you. 

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