- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
This is my first post and I’m hoping to get some much-needed advice. My fiance & I are getting married in June & are very excited. There are, however, a lot of issues with FSIL and it’s culminated with her wanting to invite two of her friends to the wedding. A (long, sorry!) run-down of the issues so far…
– my fiance and I have been together four years. In that time FSIL has been friendly (as in wanting to talk) to me a couple of times, despite seeing her monthly (if not more) at family and social events and despite my efforts to be friendly and civil to her. Most of the time she ignores me and/or is blatantly negative about my FH. When she is nice, however, she is incredibly fun and engaging – such a pity that it’s not all the time! We have not had any sort of congratulations from her since getting engaged months ago. She has been single almost the whole time we’ve been together; I’ve sincerely tried to make us not very ‘coupley’ around her as, being single for long time myself, I know how uncomfortable it can be.
– FH wanted FSIL to be part of the wedding party to include her (no other siblings) so I asked her to be a BM. I said I realised she’d be busy helping out but even if she could just walk up the aisle with me, I’d love to have her as part of our big day. She politely refused.
– I just spent a weekend with her at IL’s family home (after we hadn’t seen the ILs or her for 6 months). She ignored me when I greeted her (carried on reading), refused to look at the ring when it was obviously mentioned to her by FH (to get her involved in the conversation) and blatantly avoided joining in any discussion about the wedding. I later found out by proxy that she wants to invite her [female] friend and said friend’s boyfriend. We’ve met friend a few times, she’s nice, but neither FH nor I have ever met friend’s BF.
– FPIL paying for the reception and luckily for us, space for guests is not an issue. Only about 10 of my own family and friends can make it (I’m from a different country & we’re having a second celebration there in 2013). The majority of the guests are IL’s family and our mutual friends, most of whom she’s met a number of times. FH doesn’t want to ‘make a fuss’ by choosing not to invite them…neither do I, but I feel so uncomfortable about having people neither of us barely know present when we say our vows, etc….together with having FSIL and her friend in the background. It is just so uncomfortable with her; I feel like I’m back in high school – and we’re all 30+!
So. Do I invite friend+boyfriend? I don’t want to appear ‘tit-for-tat’ by saying no, when IL’s will assume it’s either because she said no to being BM and/or because of her behaviour. Does FSIL really need +1 when it should be about her family and mine, and she will know as many (if not more) of the guests than I will, as the bride? Any advice would be so appreciated. I don’t want to seem like a bridezilla or appear bitter about her, but I already don’t know many people at my own wedding. I just don’t want to taint our future relationship as we will have many family gatherings in the future. Thoughts please?