(Closed) FSIL as a bridesmaid?…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

How about having her as a groomswoman?  She’s clearly closer to your FI than to you at this point.  If he’s willing to have one more on his side, why not make it her?

Post # 4
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

You could always ask her to do a reading? That is what I’m doing with the people I still (or my FH) want involved without being in the wedding party?

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If I was your FSIL I think I would be pretty upset if you asked me to run around during the wedding collecting your guest book pages, it sounds more like hired help then “part” of the wedding.  My FH is super close with his family and even though his sister and I aren’t close (she’s really shy and trying to talk to her is like pulling teeth sometimes) she’s going to be a BM because it’s important to my FH.  If I had a brother I would certainly want him to be part of my wedding and if my FH refused to have him as a GM I would be really hurt.

That’s just my opinion though, and regardless of whether or not you make her a bridesmaid I think you should give her a part in the wedding, not a chore during the reception…Undecided

Post # 9
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

If your FSIL is happy with working on your “guestbook” and doesn’t feel like it’s a job, then I think that is great!!! It sounds like a good compromise to keep her involved in something meaningful without adding to the bridal party.

I really don’t understand why so many people assume that as a sibling or future sibling-in-law they automatically get a role in the bridal party. To me that is frustrating! The groom and bride are supposed to pick the people they are closest to and those who have and will support them on the wedding day.

For our bridal party, HUbs chose his brother, and I had my sister and step sister. I would have chosen the fiance of hub’s brother as well, but FI really only wanted his bro up there with him, and i didn’t want to be too off-balance. I have a brother and 2 step brothers who were not in the bridal party.

However, in some cases I think it can be a very kind gesture to ask future siblings-in-law to stand with you, but only if it’s right for you.

Post # 12
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m going to be honest here and it probably isn’t what you want to hear.  Your wedding is still quite far away.  You have a good 9 months to go.  I think you should add FSIL as a BM.  She is going to be your family.  We asked all siblings to be in our wedding, whether we liked it or not since they are immediate family.  I would be very hurt if I wasn’t asked to be in my brother’s wedding when he gets married.

I realize that you aren’t that close to her, but she is going to be your sister.  Family is family through thick and thin whether or not you want them to be.  Especially because you have already felt that she is hurt by this, you really should reconsider asking her.

Everyone knows that being a program person or guest book attendant (regardless of how involved it is) is a third class job.  First is bridal party, then readers, and then these extraneous jobs.

You have more than enough time to include her in the bridal party and even ask another GM if you really want the numbers to match. 

As much as weddings are “your day” meaning “our day” – they bride’s day, it is still a family event.

 

Post # 13
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly? I think your FSIL should be a bridesmaid. Yes, you are not super close to your FI’s family but it would clearly mean alot to your FI to have his sibling included.

Do you have any siblings? If so, are they involved in the wedding?

I think it’s a small compromise that will make the world of a difference and the longer you delay in asking her, the more awkward it’s going to get. It’s not your first choice of someone to be in your wedding party but years from now, you might regret not including family.

That’s just my opinion.

Post # 14
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mrs. Louboutin: Thank you for finally just coming out and saying that…if you FH wants her to be in the wedding, how could you just say no?  What is it hurting to have her be a BM, he isn’t asking that she be your MOH…

Post # 16
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@runsyellowlites:  I totally understand that its a difficult dynamic with the in-laws. I think that is fairly normal.  I still think that despite all of that and the fact that FSIL may be a pain in the ass, you still have to ask her.

My brother is a complete jackass to the nth degree. He is a BM, chose not to go to the bachelor party because all the guys going were married and he wanted to just get wasted and get laid… which wasn’t going to jive with what the rest of the guys were going to do.  That is just one of the many things aside from his complete disinterest.  Does it hurt my feelings and FI’s?  You bet.  Do I wish I didn’t have to have him in the wedding?  Yep.  But, we still asekd him because he is my brother.

Family can be annoying, judgmental, a total pain, but its family.  She is your FI’s sister and she may cause problems, but this is something you really should do.  This is you being the bigger person and it may actually really improve your relations with the in-laws if you do ask her.

I’m sorry you are in the position. It sucks trying to make EVERYONE happy, but I really think this is one thing that you should do.

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