Weddingbee boards

Where to even begin...

I've only ever been a bridesmaid once, and it was pretty awful, I have to say. My cousin picked these black satin dresses (during the end of June, it was sooo hot!) that did not breathe at all and had a train. The bustle broke repeatedly so eventually we just safety pinned the darn things. Needless to say, I didn't want that experience for my girls.

My girls are very unique in terms of physique. 2 are very "blessed," one is not. They've all had kind of different requests for their dresses. While I know I can't please everyone, I wawnted to try to do the best I could. 

When I went to meet with a seamstress regarding my gown alterations, she mentioned that she does custom BM dresses. I thought this was perfect! She could make them all according to measurements, each BM could tell her exactly what they want. The dresses would be made from the same bolt of fabric, and they'd be cheaper than any in-store/on-line dress I had seen! She also does not charge for alterations, and can do them within an hour or two for BMs coming in from out of town.

I immediately send a FB message to the girls (obvi not the preferred message of communication, but that way everyone gets the same message) since they're all over the country. 2 of the girls respond right away. I hear not a peep from FSIL.

Then I wake up this morning and FI tells me "oh, while you were out of town yesterday, my sister called and told me..." (picture me preparing game face) essentially that she didn't want to do it this way because she is 2 months pregnant and doesn't want to have to worry about getting fit for a dress a couple of days prior to the wedding. Mind you, she'll deliver the wonderful little one sometime in Sept. and the wedding isn't until Dec. She then proceeded to tell him that in all the weddings she has been to, the bride has just chosen a national line like JCrew or Ann Taylor. Yeah, I looked at those websites and anything floor length (request of MOH) was $250+. I'm not comfortable asking them to pay that much for a dress. It's been 17 days since I've contacted them regarding this idea and I had never heard back from her. Apparently she could only relate this to me through her little brother. Grumble. If you read the whole thing, you're much more patient than I right now...

@pinkshoes:  That's definitely along the lines that I was thinking. Really appreciate your feedback  It makes me feel less upset. But yeah, we wanted to make her a BM because FI's family is really really small and they've always been close. Plus, my brother is going to be a GM, so it kind of made sense. Definitely more of a headache than I was prepared for, though.

@thanlon_88:  This is what I proposed to the bridesmaids. I offered to send their inspiration photos to the seamstress and then the seamstress would send the sketches their way. She also has an already created form with detailed instructions on how to take their measurements. This way, they could get a dress that they really want.

Ugh. So frustrating. I agree that you could use this to give her an out, but considering your last post that might not be the best option if you are uncomfortable with it. I'd personally be thrilled as a BM to get a custom made dress, however, for whatever reason your FSIL is not. I do understand her concern that she might not be able to accurately get her measurements a couple of months after pregnancy, but she can always measure up. This is about your day, not her and she agreed to stand up with you. And I'd also be thrilled because this would give me more motivation to get back in shape after the baby. 

Is it something that you can call to get her on the phone to talk it out rather than relaying messages? Might be better to get the concerns out up front. You don't want this incident snowballing into something like some of the other BM horror stories you read on here.  

@kate02121:  That's a good point. FI and I talked about it a bit. In another part of the conversation he mentioned that she had stated "well, I just want to look good to make you two look good." We're thinking that it might just be easier to go with my local seamstress for the other two girls and then order excess fabric for his sister and send it to her. I definitely agree with you about not wanting this to snowball into anything worse.

Update: I want to smack this woman in the face. It's not nice and I would never do it, but it's how I'm feeling right this minute.

Story: Yesterday was FI's birthday. You know, that 1 day out of the year where we get to celebrate him? He's the kind of guy that would do anything for anyone and never wants anything in return. And lately, things have been a little stressful. One of our furbabies has been really sick, so we've had to take him to the vet TWICE in a week (inflamed colon-no good), we've had school and family drama going on, it's been a little crazy. 

So the whole of yesterday goes by and about 10:20 at night, the woman finally calls to supposedly wish her brother a happy birthday. Except that's not what happened. She essentially called to chew him out over all the things he's done wrong to her. This included:

1: She finally announced her pregnancy on facebook and he didn't "like" it, even though he liked something else on facebook that day.

2: She sent a text to say she was sending a package and that she would send the tracking number later and he didn't respond until 1.5 days after. Oh, and she never sent the tracking number? 

2.5: When he did text, it was a 6:00 am her time (7:00 am our time), and that was completely unreasonable.

3: Oh, she saw that we got a 2nd cat and she doesn't understand what "idiot" would do that.

4: We still have the sick cat "what, you didn't just give it away?"

Oh, and then once he mentions that he's really tired and it's late and we'd like to go to bed she  pops this little beauty, "oh, and have you talked to your FI about the dress..?" Because she can't be responsible enough to do so. 

I know I need to take a deep breath and realize that it probably isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I do wish she would treat him a little better, though. She never did manage to say the words, "happy birthday" to him and that just makes me a little sad. Sorry for the super long post...

I just wish she could be nicer to her younger brother. He's such an AMAZING guy. He really would bend over backwards to make her happy. Ex: we bought her an Xbox Kinect for xmas because we knew she was conscientsious about her weight and her husband is a huge computer/technology/game nerd, so we thought this would be awesome for the 2 of them. She got him an amazon gift card. It just makes me so sad....

Update #2:

We wanted to talk to FI's Mom before deciding anything because his family is so small and we are really trying to do as little damage as possible. His mom wanted to do her own "investigation" before telling us anything. I guess this was something she did over the week and informed us of her results. 

FSIL told her Mom that because of the baby, she plans on flying in late the night before and leaving immediately the next morning. So essentially, she would be present for as little time as possible. She would be missing the rehearsal dinner and the paebaek (traditional Korean ceremony, kind of important). And, apparently, a 3:00 ceremony is too early for her to take an hour of her time to deal with a BM dress. His mom said she can understand with the baby... 

Honestly, I really don't want this woman in our wedding, and I feel TERRIBLE for saying that. I feel like I'm acting the part of the petulant bridezilla. I promise, in reality, I'm saying as little as possible. Ideally, she would take an extra day to celebrate with her only brother. Why can't everyone just be happy here?