Post # 1
So, I had some issue with my bridal party. I asked 2 of my 4 sisters, older FSIL and FI’s cousin.
Younger FSIL hasn’t been informed yet, but FMIL and FSIL both think FSIL will blow a gasket and I think they want me to as her to be a bm.
I was just going to suck it up and ask her and have my FI add another groomsmen-but my Dad mentioned my troubles in passing over lunch with my sister. He was suprised about it becasue I wasn’t in her wedding and didn’t really care.
Well, that was a abd thing. Now, my two sisters feel that if younger fsil is in the wedding, they should be in as well. My youngest sister was really hurt that she wasn’t considered at all- she’s not talking to me. Also my oldest sister is mad becasue I picked Fi’s niece over my own to be a flower girl. Both of them say FSIL shouldn’t be in the wedding over them-end of story.
I’ll be honest, I was just going to let fsil in to appease FI’s family, but this is getting out of control. I just want to put a lockdown on the wedding party size. NO more. That’s it. But no matter what i do-someone’s going to be pissed. fsil will be the only sibbling in her family not in the wedding party.
ideas? I don’t want a long ceremony-we have lots of kids under 5 coming and 15 mintues is pushing it as is, so no readings. It was hard for me at first to think about excluding my sisters-even if I’m not very close, they’re still my sisters.
We thought some of my family and some of his would have been a nice compramise. I’m closer to his cousin then anyone-she’s a perfect choice really. I hate that this turned into a super drama.
I hate to say it, but this is all his fault.He was the one who asked 2 groomsmen behind my back after we agreed only 2 and 2. I was ok with it when I wasn’t getting fallout drama from every side.
Post # 3
What about asking them to be attendants? That way they are included and put to use the day of but you aren’t extending the ceremony with readings.
Post # 4
@howtobeawife: that’s 3 more bridesmaids, and we’d need 3 more groomsman. Plus another flower girl. It’s just so much. I really just wanted my two youngest sisters wth me and fi’s cousin. Though I feel like that’s the direction I’m being forced into(adding everyone to make everyone happy). I don’t have the money to double our flower budget. Bouquets and Bouts are the only real flowers I’m having. Plus hair, makeup, gifts….
Post # 5
@MissFireFlower: Do not let your other FSIL in the wedding. It seems this is where your younger sister is hurt the most. As for the FG, your older sister will get over it.
Tell others your wedding party is closed and up for discussion.
Post # 6
@MissFireFlower: No, you misunderstood me. I’m not saying 3 more bridesmaids. I meant to add them as personal attendants. A personal attendant is someone who makes sure everyone has what they need on the day of. With 3 of those, you could have one to make sure you are well taken care of (takes the burden off the bridesmaids who are also trying to get ready), and you could send one to the guys and one to the bridesmaids.
Post # 7
Why can’t you have 2 flower girls? Are you paying for the FG dresses? We had 2 ring bearers and 2 flower girls, because my husband and I both have a niece and nephew in the family and we would never ask two of them and not the other two! The little ones LOVED being in the wedding and were so well behaved and adorable.
As far as your BMs go, you shouldn’t have anyone in your party to appease other people. Just choose the people YOU want to be with you, and stick to your guns. You can have uneven sides. I do think it’s a bit strange that you would have all of your sisters-in-law but not your own sisters.
Post # 8
@BookGirrl: We’re paying for the clothing in the bridal party. It’s normal in my circle, but I know it’s not the norm here in the U.S.
I should have just asked his two sisters to shut all the family up. Fi wanted more of his family in the wedding, so he asked me to ask some of his family. I really wanted Fi’s cousin in the wedding-but Fi thought it would be horrible not to ask at least ONE of his sisters. SO I did. He should have been more clear. “Ask BOTH my sisters please” Ugh.
Post # 9
I have nothing to add but lots of HUGS to give
Post # 10
I can relate…I asked my two BFF’s and my sister, but then found out that FI’s sister said she’d be pissed if she wasn’t in her big brothers wedding. Just to be nice and to make my FI happy, I asked her, and then was told by her and FI’s mother that it isn’t fair to have one sister but not the other, so guess what? My bridal party now includes my two BFF’s, my sister, and my FI’s TWO sisters. How do you stand your ground without pissing off your future family?? I have yet to understand the mentality that someone feels they have the right to be included JUST because they are family.
They aren’t invited to my bachelorette party though…is that wrong? I mean, I don’t care if it is…we don’t hang out….but is that “standard procedure?”
I really am sick of the “traditional” way of doing things!
Good luck to you – many MANY hugs going out to you!!
Post # 11
@Madi.So.Excited: “How do you stand your ground without pissing off your future family??” I claim poverty. I have a SET BUDGET! It is immovable! If they want to be a part of MY big day so badly…they have to pay their own way
Post # 12
@Sapphire-Dreamer: I got to use that when my FMIL wanted to invite extra people to the wedding. Luckily, my FI handled it. We can only have so many people at our venue so “extras” are not allowed. She was nice about it though.
Post # 13
If something is causing more stress than it’s worth, and let’s face facts here, walking down an aisle in front of your sister is not grounds for starting world war three or a flood of tears, I would go Atilla on this mess and proclaim NO BRIDAL PARTY AT ALL!
Or, stick with your original plan here, and forget about making your in-laws happy, once again…we’re not building an atom collider here people, it’s a stroll down an aisle with some flowers AND THAT’S IT!
Everyone needs to calm down, you do what you want honey, it’s your show and no one else’s.
Post # 14
There’s no reason why you need to have even sides if you did choose to invite the three ladies to be bridesmaids. But you can just stand your ground and tell them your party is set, period.As far as your niece goes, if she isn’t apparently bothered by it, don’t worry. If she seems upset (or you think she might become upset) by not being a flower girl, maybe think of adding her as well. There’s nothing wrong with two flower girls (or a fg and a ring bearer if you don’t already have one).
Please don’t ask them to be attendants as someone else suggested. That’s like saying “you’re not good enough to be a bridesmaid, but you can run my errands and hold my dress up while I pee”. Same goes for program hander-outers, ushers, or anything else that’s a job. It’s going to make them feel less important.