(Closed) FSIL BM Drama update: Now my sisters are mad

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

What about asking them to be attendants? That way they are included and put to use the day of but you aren’t extending the ceremony with readings.

Post # 5
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MissFireFlower: Do not let your other FSIL in the wedding. It seems this is where your younger sister is hurt the most. As for the FG, your older sister will get over it.

Tell others your wedding party is closed and up for discussion.

Post # 6
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MissFireFlower:  No, you misunderstood me.  I’m not saying 3 more bridesmaids. I meant to add them as personal attendants. A personal attendant is someone who makes sure everyone has what they need on the day of.  With 3 of those, you could have one to make sure you are well taken care of (takes the burden off the bridesmaids who are also trying to get ready), and you could send one to the guys and one to the bridesmaids. 

Post # 7
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Why can’t you have 2 flower girls?  Are you paying for the FG dresses?  We had 2 ring bearers and 2 flower girls, because my husband and I both have a niece and nephew in the family and we would never ask two of them and not the other two!  The little ones LOVED being in the wedding and were so well behaved and adorable. 

As far as your BMs go, you shouldn’t have anyone in your party to appease other people.  Just choose the people YOU want to be with you, and stick to your guns.  You can have uneven sides.  I do think it’s a bit strange that you would have all of your sisters-in-law but not your own sisters.

Post # 9
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I have nothing to add but lots of HUGS to give

Post # 10
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I can relate…I asked my two BFF’s and my sister, but then found out that FI’s sister said she’d be pissed if she wasn’t in her big brothers wedding. Just to be nice and to make my FI happy, I asked her, and then was told by her and FI’s mother that it isn’t fair to have one sister but not the other, so guess what? My bridal party now includes my two BFF’s, my sister, and my FI’s TWO sisters. How do you stand your ground without pissing off your future family?? I have yet to understand the mentality that someone feels they have the right to be included JUST because they are family.

They aren’t invited to my bachelorette party though…is that wrong? I mean, I don’t care if it is…we don’t hang out….but is that “standard procedure?”

I really am sick of the “traditional” way of doing things!

Good luck to you – many MANY hugs going out to you!!

Post # 11
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Madi.So.Excited:  “How do you stand your ground without pissing off your future family??” I claim poverty. I have a SET BUDGET! It is immovable! If they want to be a part of MY big day so badly…they have to pay their own way

Post # 12
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  I got to use that when my FMIL wanted to invite extra people to the wedding. Luckily, my FI handled it. We can only have so many people at our venue so “extras” are not allowed. She was nice about it though.

Post # 13
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

If something is causing more stress than it’s worth, and let’s face facts here, walking down an aisle in front of your sister is not grounds for starting world war three or a flood of tears, I would go Atilla on this mess and proclaim NO BRIDAL PARTY AT ALL!

Or, stick with your original plan here, and forget about making your in-laws happy, once again…we’re not building an atom collider here people, it’s a stroll down an aisle with some flowers AND THAT’S IT! 

Everyone needs to calm down, you do what you want honey, it’s your show and no one else’s.

Post # 14
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

There’s no reason why you need to have even sides if you did choose to invite the three ladies to be bridesmaids. But you can just stand your ground and tell them your party is set, period.As far as your niece goes, if she isn’t apparently bothered by it, don’t worry. If she seems upset (or you think she might become upset) by not being a flower girl, maybe think of adding her as well. There’s nothing wrong with two flower girls (or a fg and a ring bearer if you don’t already have one).

Please don’t ask them to be attendants as someone else suggested. That’s like saying “you’re not good enough to be a bridesmaid, but you can run my errands and hold my dress up while I pee”. Same goes for program hander-outers, ushers, or anything else that’s a job. It’s going to make them feel less important.

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