Post # 1
First of all can you girls tell me what the protocol is if he has a sister? I have heard that you have the ask them to be in the wedding party and I have also heard that it’s my decision. What do you guys think?
Also, just to give some background- I have been dating my fiance for 9 years. 4 years into our relationship she got married. She had 8 bridesmaids and I wasn’t included in anything.
Now I’m having a destination wedding and only want about 3 that I will have a very hard time to choose from and I feel like it’s almost expected I ask her. Thoughts?
Post # 3
You have no obligation to invite her into your party. It’ always nice though. MAybe she can do a special reading or something instead. Have you asked your FI what he thinks?
Post # 4
Only include those you want. If you are close with his sister and would like her to be a bridesmaid that is fine, but you shouldn’t feel obligated. I included my 3 FSIL’s in my wedding because I thought it was the right thing to do and they tortured me until the eventually decided to drop out.
Post # 5
You have no obligation. Only choose those people who love and support you and you are most comfortable with.
Post # 6
it’s up to you! I’m not having my FSIL she’s not even invited to my wedding! Really it’s your and your FI’s day so surround yourselves with the people you want to spend the day with.
Post # 7
Agreed – it is up to you! I am on good terms with my FSIL but there are other girls in my life that I am closer to to who I am choosing for my attendants. I think if you have a close relationship with her and want her there then ask her, but you shouldn’t feel like you HAVE to.
Post # 8
I would say discuss it with your FI. I know (because I already had this discussion) that it means a lot to my FI to have his sister in the wedding, and I really didn’t care either way so she’s going to be in it. The awkward part is asking her (I still haven’t) because she is SUPER shy. She’s almost 20 and it’s like pulling teeth trying to have a conversation with her, which just makes the whole process awkward. But she’s a sweet girl and I know it means a lot to my FI, so of course I’ll include her!
Post # 9
I would say that you have no obligation but I went through this almost exact same thing. FI has 3 sisters . 1 of them I am close to in age and also in general. The other 2 are 7 and 8 years older than me and are both married and one has kids. I only asked the sister i was close to and figured the other 2 wouldnt care because they are both married and in their 30s. Well, they didnt care so much but FMIL was offended so I am having all 3 of his sisters. I would say you need to find out if its okay for you to not have his sister or if there is going to be lots of drama!
Post # 10
I’d discuss with FI and get his thoughts on the issue. You certainly don’t want hurt feelings going into this marriage, but you also want to have people stand up with you who will support you for the time going into the wedding.
She may or may not be expecting an invite. My FSIL flat out told me that I was under no obligation to put her pumpkin shape into a frilly taffeta dress. We’re having her sing (she’s amazing) during the sand ceremony instead. This way she can wear something that she picks and is far more flattering.
FI’s brother’s girlfriend on the other hand may be sitting around waiting for me to ask her. . .but we’re not close. I briefly contimplated it, but then realized that she turns every conversation back to herself. That’s not the sign of a supportive person.
In the end I think you need to go with the girls that are going to be the most supportive and give FSIL another role so she’s not left out.
Post # 11
you have no obligation. That said we were not planning on having his sisters as BMs, we wanted them to be readers. However, when they found out about that they threw a fit, and to be honest, it was easier just to say fine be BMs than to deal with their crap.
Post # 12
What’s wrong with groomspeople or bridespeople? If the FI wants his sister(s), he can have them stand up for him. That goes for the brides side and her brother(s) too!