(Closed) FSIL Drama, help needed!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MissGoldenArches:  WOW.  Totally think you’re being completely reasonable.  Can you sit them both down and rationally talk to them?  I feel like all of those feelings were completely valid.  If they won’t budge, you’ve come to the right place!  You will learn some AMAZING tips and tricks and ideas here.  But mums the word!  I have a feeling that little snake in the grass (you know her as FSIL!) will steal them real quick!

Post # 4
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t think you are blowing things out of proportion.  What they have done does seem inconsiderate.  However, because you can’t make them change their plans, maybe you’ll want to consider changing yours and keeping your plans to yourself if you really are concerned about people not being able to attend your wedding.  You shouldn’t have to, but all you can do is play the hand you’re dealt.  

Post # 5
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve already posted about this BUT… my younger brother and his girlfriend of eight years (they also have a six year old child) DID THE EXACT SAME THING!

We got engaged in March and announced our date by April.  They got engaged in June and announced a wedding date exactly three weeks before ours.

You are not blowing things out of proportion.  

In my case, I really adore my now Sister In Law.  But it was awkward and anyone I tell about it things it is “odd”.  Not sure why they couldn’t have waited and had to “rush in” before ours. 

The sadest part for me was that I am so busy planning for my own wedding and enjoying my own time and moment, that I didn’t have the emotional and mental space to be “all about their’s”.  Had they waited a few months or spaced them out more…. well, then I could have shown up 100% emotionally for theirs and really enjoyed it.

But as the case was, I didn’t enjoy it or feel anything (except some sadness and a bit or anger) while attending theirs.


Sorry you are experiencing the same.  My only advice is to focus on yourself and the planning of your special day.  It will be perfect.

Post # 6
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would be very upset and angry if it were me!  Are they having it at the SAME beach as you?  Even if they are not I find this to be extremely rude & inconsiderate of your brother and your Future Sister-In-Law.  It seems to me the she is likely jealous of you and your plans. 

If your family doesn’t really care for your brothers choice of bride, then perhaps if some guests have to choose between the weddings due to finances they they will choose yous anyhow!

Post # 7
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I will say that the timing defintely sucks. I do think because your such close family they should have been more considerate.  However, on the beach thing (I hope its not the same beach either) I’m a little more forgiving. Many women dream of getting married on a beach so I don’t think she shouldn’t do it because its your idea. But I can totally see why its upsetting. Just focus on your day and use her wedding to see what worked and what didn’t and apply to yours. I’m sorry.

Post # 8
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’d be upset.

It seems like you’ve already talked with them and that won’t do any good, but maybe talking to them both will help?

Barring that, the only other suggestion I could think of would be to push back your date? I know that sounds awful, but then it gives you time to do things maybe a little differntly/better than you would have, and gives your family some time to save money so they can attend both weddings.

I hope it all works out!

Post # 9
3786 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You Future Sister-In-Law seems like an attention seeker.  And your brother sounds like he is a doormat when it comes to her, I’m sure your brother is lovely, but it seems unreasonable that he and Future Sister-In-Law copied your ideas and now wont budge – he’s your brother – your feelings should count just as much as hers.  And MilksMom is right when she says there are things you can do that will make you feel extra special. Bees are here for you!

(I don’t mean to offend, but I am overwhelmed by your Future Sister-In-Law behaviour)

Post # 10
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

what a cow. Who knows this thing might implode before they make it


Post # 11
4824 posts
Honey bee

How soon is her wedding date to yours? Did I miss this information?

Post # 12
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I know how you feel.

My brother did the same kind of thing. My brother got married at the same church as I did (2 months before my wedding) on the weekend of my bachelorette beach weekend. I found out via my mom’s facebook because nobody in my family wanted to tell me what was going on…I was very upset since I was told from day one they were going to just have a courthouse wedding.


Post # 13
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MissGoldenArches: I am going to tell you what I told other brides in this situation: Get your Save The Dates AND Invites Out FIRST!! I’m like get yours out in February so people know of yours first.

Also, keep all wedding info to yourself. Do NOT make her a bridesmaid or anything because she will steal your ideas. Be vague about everything, like “I’m still working/thinking about it”

Find ways to make your ceremony personal to you and your husband in terms of decor, favors, cake topper

Good luck!

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