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I can see why you'd be upset, but at the same time - being in a wedding doesnt mean putting your life on hold. I'm sure she wishes she would be able to attend, but I am also sure that she is not upset about getting pregnant.
Just take a step back and relax. You have time to replace her if you'd like.
@bonvivanti: don't you think she could have planned a bit better?
You do realize that she may not have had complete control over when exactly she got pregnant, right??
It sucks that she can't be in it and may not be able to attend but PP is right...being in a wedding does not mean you are required to put your life on hold for the bride. I also don't understand how her sister being in a wedding will put a wedge between your relationship unless you choose to create one.
I'm sorry, but it seems like you are upset that she got pregnant when she did and she should have planned to give birth further from your wedding. I love my sister, I love my friends, but I would NEVER plan a pregancy around when they are getting married. When my FI and TTC, we will TTC every month, regardless of what will be going on 10 months from then.
I think the only way there will be a wedge between you and this BM, will be if you chose to create one. If she can't make it to your wedding, that is unfortunate, but it's not like she is faking an illness or unwilling to make the drive or flight.
I also think you should count your blessings that she gave you so much notice she couldn't be in the wedding. There are people who would have waited until it was too late to find someone else to say that.
Sorry to be harsh your first post, but I just find this a little silly.
I'm sure she feels bad about not being able to attend. Just keep that in mind and try to enjoy your wedding without her.
I agree with pp. The fact that she told you guys she was pregnant and wouldn't be able to be in the wedding BEFORE she told her husband I think is amark of howmuch she cares for you guys. If you let this drive a wedge between you or between her and her husband the Olny one to blame will be you guys not her.
My life doesn't stop because someone is getting married, nor do I feel the need to time a pregnancy around it. Sorry! Get over it and wish her well, I'm sure she would do the same for you.
Yes, it's disappointing she won't be a bridesmaid or able to attend your wedding, but you can't get a better reason than that! She didn't get pregnant to spite her brother- rejoice in the blessing of your future niece or nephew!
I agree, with PP, everyone's lives do not stop when a wedding is to be planned. I would get over it and move on.
I have two bridesmaids that are pregnant or ttc right now. I don't think my wedding is more important than their plans. In fact, when the first bridemaid told me she was pregnant I jumped up and down.
And anyway, you don't even know if she was ttc... it might have been a happy accident, and then you REALLY can't hold it against her, not that you should hold it against her anyway.
You should not expect somone's life plans to be put on hold because you are getting married, it's one day. She's creating another LIFE. I know your wedding is special but in no means do I think it compares to your FSIL's sitaution. I'm sure your FI understands and just hopes that his sister and neice are happy & healthy.
Sorry, a baby trumps a wedding. You are being really selfish here. You can't exactly plan a pregnancy.
Just plan your wedding and be happy about the expected baby! As pp's said, life goes on, and a pregnancy is one of those things that can't be planned:)
'she could have planned a bit better'
?!?!? Pregnancy is not exactly something you can plan to a T. For all you know, she's been trying for a while and was maybe expecting to have a several month-old baby by the time of your wedding, or she got pregnant much faster than she thought. Maybe she thought she would only be a few months along.
I'm sure she's sorry that she can't make it, there is no reason for this to put a wedge between you.
I agree that you shouldn't be upset with her for getting pregnant or bowing out of the wedding. She cannot put her life on hold just because your having a wedding. But I do not agree with other posts that having a baby trumps a wedding. IMO popping out a kid really doesn't make you all that important. In any case the two occasions are equal in merit weddings in most cases are joyous celebrations for the entire family, and having a baby can be also. I just think to propose that someone's pregnancy is more important than someone's wedding is just preposterous. The two events deserve equal recognition. For me I do not plan on having kids so there will only be a wedding.
Just wanted to chime in and say that I agree with most of the PPs. I have a wedding of a very good friend in the beginning of October, and it's a destination wedding. We've also been trying to have a baby for the last year and a half. The fact that we're finally pregnant and due within a week of her wedding makes me sad that I can't attend. But, after wanting this baby for as long as we have, I'm thrilled to death about our pregnancy.
It just goes to show you that you can't always plan pregnancies. You need to take a step back and realize that she doesn't have to plan her life around you. I'm sure she's really sad that she's missing her brother's wedding since they're so close, but she certainly isn't doing it to slight you on purpose.
"she could have planned it better."
Wow.
Wow.
WOW.
I am totally speechless by this post, and obviously not in a good way. That is your future niece or nephew you are talking about, let alone your FSIL.
@bonvivanti: "The way I look at it, if they were really best friends, don't you think she could have planned a bit better?"
While your life revolves around your wedding, the lives of your family and friends don't. I certainly wouldn't put my life on hold for someone else's wedding. Sorry you're feeling let down, but take a step back, congratulate her on this really exciting news, and continue planning your wedding. Otherwise I think your feelings, as opposed to just her not being in the wedding, are what will drive a wedge between you...
Are you going to change your wedding date? That would make a whole lot more sense. If your fi is best friends and all.....
Im confused by your saying she could have planned better but let me just tell you this: At my first wedding my little sister did get pregnant after trying for 2 years, she would have been 6 months pregnant at my weddingas a result I had to move my wedding (from Sienna Italy) to a place she could drive to (8 hours away).
I will tell you that one month into her pregnancy, even after changing my wedding to the US, just for her- she started saying she couldnt come, she didnt think her doctors would let her come...she had no basis for this. I was frustrated because I chose a University Cathedral which is .5 miles from a nationalally ranked university hospital and there were going to be 12 doctors at my wedding. She just kept saying she didnt think she'd be able to come and even my mother was taking her side. (again NO BASIS!)
As it turned out she had twins...AND came down with coleostasis and some other complication so that she was hospitalised 2 weeks before my wedding.My other sister thinks she brought the whole hospitalisation on herself in some way by sending this energy out into the universe.
Despite any of this...my mother still blames me for not moving my wedding to something else completely different to accomodate her further.
I just want you to know you are not likely to get any sympathy from anyone. Its your day, have fun with whomever is there and hope in the end, you dont get blamed for not moving the entire venue for your best friend!
I completely understand your disappointment and I don't blame you at all for being upset. The same thing happened with my fiance's brother and it caused MASSIVE family drama. Brother 2 was supposed to be best man for brother 3's wedding, but brother 2's wife was due with twins the same weekend as brother 3's wedding. Brother 2 and his wife knew well in advance when the wedding was going to be and they had no issues conceiving their first baby, so they probably could have delayed trying for baby 2 just a month or two so it would not have interfered with brother 3's wedding. In the end, brother 2 was able to attend brother 3's wedding and be best man, but that was only because his wife had their twins 3 weeks before their due date. She of course missed the wedding.
Reproduction = much more important than a wedding, always. It's really short sighted of you to call her irresponsible for getting pregnant when she did. I would be beyond upset and hurt if I were her and knew you were thinking that!
I think everyone is being really harsh. She didn't say she said this to FSIL. I think it's ok to be upset and vent to the hive, and it's normal to be disappointed even if it is selfish.
I had a 8 month pregnant bridesmaid who we had a dress specially made for. And my sister-in-law who was also pregnant and also suppose to be in my wedding ended up in the hospital due to complications and actually had an emergency c-section the night before my wedding and delivered 7 weeks early. So, not only was she not there, but my brother wasn't at the rehersal dinner, and attended the just the ceremony and stayed for dinner only. Life happens. Do I wish it could have all happened a little differently? Sure. But in the grand scheme of things did it really matter? No. What mattered was that my FI and I got married. That part went off without a hitch :)
@BlushingBee: "As it turned out she had twins...AND came down with coleostasis and some other complication so that she was hospitalised 2 weeks before my wedding.My other sister thinks she brought the whole hospitalisation on herself in some way by sending this energy out into the universe."
... seriously?
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Hi everyone! I am having mixed emotions about this. As I digress, my FSIL just announced her pregnancy which is 11 days after our wedding date. A little backstory: my FI and her are 'best friends.' She was also a bridesmaid but she called me first to tell me that she could no longer be in the wedding before she told her husband that she was even pregnant. I feel bad for my FI and because the wedding is a short flight or 9 hour drive from where she is so I doubt she will even be at the wedding. The way I look at it, if they were really best friends, don't you think she could have planned a bit better? We announced our wedding dates months ago. She also just got married in November. Her sister is still a bridesmaid in the wedding and with her not being in it anymore will put a wedge between us. Thanks for listening.