(Closed) FSIL hard to get along with- advice?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Any ideas as to why she acts this way towards you? Has anyone tried talking to her about this (FILs, or FI?)

Post # 4
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

When I deal with my one relative that is like this I just tell myself “I would hate to be like Jilly. She is so inconsiderate and rude that she must have very few friends. That is so sad. I have tons of them. She doesn’t even treat her own family well.  Someday she will be all alone. I am so glad my parents taught me better. I have a lot to be thankful for.” And if that doesn’t work “Sure strangling her would feel very rewarding but if I go to prison for murder I won’t be able to get my hair and nails done for a long time. Is she worth going without a manicure for? No.” LOL

*shrugs It works for me. I am not in prison yet :p

Post # 5
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I know someone like this…although I think that her issues are more about being super uncomfortable in social situations and not so much about being malicously rude.

Have you tried to call her on her behaviour when it’s actually happening?  I’m a huge fan of asking questions when people are rude.  I’d say something like “What do you mean by that?” in response to assinine comments.

Post # 7
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is she jealous that you’re getting married and are the center of attention? Did you ask her to be a BM?  If not, is she upset?  

I have a difficult FSIL too.  It never occurred to me to ask her to be a BM, because I’d only met her a few times when I got engaged, she’s a lot older and we have nothing in common.  I found out later she was offended that she wasn’t asked, and that’s part of why she’s so difficult towards me apparently.

Post # 8
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It might just be a matter of adjusting your expectations. If that’s the behavior you expect from her, maybe you’ll be less offended when she fails to do the right thing.

I don’t mean that as an excuse, it’s just impossible to change someone. They have to want to change.

Other than that, I like @secondchances‘s mantra.

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