Post # 1
My FSIL isnt the easiest person to get along with, she is selfish and rude- I’m not sure if on purpose or if she really just isnt aware of how she acts but she comes across very holier than thou. FI and I have been together long enough and she has never tried to get to know me or include me in things, the entire family notices her constant rude behavior but makes excuses for her as not to cause any drama which I more or less agree with- family feuds aint worth it!
My concern is now that I will be dealing with her for the rest of my life (gulp), I just dont know how to handle it all. I am barely exaggerating when I say at least one person gets offended by her behavior each time we are together and I frankly dont know how I can deal with her pissing me off forever. I have never even recieved a thank you card from this woman for anything we have done for her, she doesnt even say hello or goodbye to me at family functions, ahh I just dont know what to do.
I know her behavior doesnt bother her but it drives me up the wall! How can I be better at not letting her disrespectful behavior and rudeness towards me and FI’s entire family not affect and upset me? (Because I know she’s not changing!)
Post # 3
Any ideas as to why she acts this way towards you? Has anyone tried talking to her about this (FILs, or FI?)
Post # 4
When I deal with my one relative that is like this I just tell myself “I would hate to be like Jilly. She is so inconsiderate and rude that she must have very few friends. That is so sad. I have tons of them. She doesn’t even treat her own family well. Someday she will be all alone. I am so glad my parents taught me better. I have a lot to be thankful for.” And if that doesn’t work “Sure strangling her would feel very rewarding but if I go to prison for murder I won’t be able to get my hair and nails done for a long time. Is she worth going without a manicure for? No.” LOL
*shrugs It works for me. I am not in prison yet :p
Post # 5
I know someone like this…although I think that her issues are more about being super uncomfortable in social situations and not so much about being malicously rude.
Have you tried to call her on her behaviour when it’s actually happening? I’m a huge fan of asking questions when people are rude. I’d say something like “What do you mean by that?” in response to assinine comments.
Post # 6
The entire family has noticed and FMIL has mentioned it to her a few times but there’s always an excuse- meanwhile when she is the center of attention (like at her wedding and leading up to it) there was never an issue.
I always make it a point to say hello or goodbye but when she doesnt even make eye contact to me its just so bizarre. I cant really say anything then because I’m usually too pissed off and would regreat what I said. I want to be close with her but we are so different and I really cant imagine ever having a heart to heart with her without her coming to me and apologizing for being such a B.
@secondchances, I think that may help!
Post # 7
Is she jealous that you’re getting married and are the center of attention? Did you ask her to be a BM? If not, is she upset?
I have a difficult FSIL too. It never occurred to me to ask her to be a BM, because I’d only met her a few times when I got engaged, she’s a lot older and we have nothing in common. I found out later she was offended that she wasn’t asked, and that’s part of why she’s so difficult towards me apparently.
Post # 8
It might just be a matter of adjusting your expectations. If that’s the behavior you expect from her, maybe you’ll be less offended when she fails to do the right thing.
I don’t mean that as an excuse, it’s just impossible to change someone. They have to want to change.
Other than that, I like @secondchances‘s mantra.