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Aw, wow, I'm sorry you're going thorugh this. Your own advice was the best, basically, just grin and bear it. It sucks, but the alternative could turn out to be much worse. After the wedding and all that stress dies down, maybe confront her about it, but to keep the peace for now, I'd probably just try to brush it off.
I have no advice from experience for you, since I get along great with my FSIL. Sorry!
I have a FSIL that we all dislike. It just happens to be my oldest brother's girlfriend/fiancee/whatever. She's overly opinionated, condescending, rude and a know-it-all. She also drinks too much. She got drunk on Christmas Eve this year and told my cousin that she was a bad mother, all her kids problems were her fault, her husband is an idiot and she should divorce him, etc. Yeah... she's a really gem.
BUT, you do need to play nice for the sake of your FBIL. Just smile to her face and minimize contact as much as possible. Don't confront her, that will just make you the bad guy.
I avoid mine as much as possible. We engage in plesantries but sicne she backed out of being a BM without telling me, I just lost all trust in her and desire to form my own relaitonship with her. She is my DH's sister so I do feel I have to respect her and do not want to cause a problem. We chat on facebook at times, I pick out thoughtful presents for her at Christmas, gush over her new apartment and generally maintain a superficial relationship. I was sad at first as I have always wanted a sister but then I realized that I already have freinds who are much more like sisters to me than she is so I stopped putting in the effort. I also realized she is family no matter what I do so we better have a working relationship. It took me over a year to get to this place though so don't worry if it takes time to form a relationship in your comfort zone.
If I had a FSIL like that, I would just limit my contact with her. Just don't talk to her on Gchat or anywhere else you are alone and don't have a third party witness.
My FSIL doesn't always understand me, and when she repeats things I say to my FFIL and FMIL it doesn't always come out the right way and they get upset. So I have just learned to be really careful about what I say. She's a nice girl and doens't do it intentionally, but it does happen since we are so different.
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How have you handled a FSIL that you couldn't trust? In my case it's my FBIL's wife. She comes across as the nicest person, so nice that I thought I was just imagining things and being cynical but she's slick. She takes what you tell her or baits you into the strangest conversations and screws you over before you even know what hits you.
OK - so it's not that obvious but I just don't trust her. She'll get me on Gchat and asks me about attending FIL party and then before I know it my FMIL is calling me asking me why I'm upset. What? I simply told the FSIL that I had to wait to get plane tickets because we don't have the OK yet. THAT'S IT. I'm not being self-unaware here. This is one of those times that I'm now 100% sure that the problem is all her and not me.
She's a drama starter for NO reason - no reason at all. So I'm guessing the best advice is to just be civil, keep my mouth shut around her. I don't trust her with anything. I'll arrogantly assume that since she's the newlywed and I'm the "shiny new toy" she feels threatened...or maybe she's just a mega beast.
How have you handled your SIL's? Share and help me learn!