Post # 1
FSIL asked me how the house was coming along, I said “great, expect the kitchen, I don’t like the kitchen” (The kitchen is way out-of-date, medium/light wood cabinets, tan countertop, white square tile backsplash, ceramic sink. We painted the walls a light/medium beige color-they were white prior- but the rest of the kitchen stayed the same, we do plan on entirely re-doing it when we have the money down the road.) Keep in mind FSIL had seen the kitchen after we re-painted it….
Her response: “Yeah…..I hate the color you guys put in there! It really looks horrible , you really need to put a darker color in there…”
Okay, so here are my issues with this:
- I did not ask for her opinion
- I am offended by this
- Her house looks like a 95 year old cat lady’s, yet do I mention that to her? No.
- Now every time I walk in there I can’t help but hate the kitchen even more.
My SO’s sister was also sitting at the table with us and after the other FSIL said that to me, SO’s sister said that she thought the color was nice and looked great. But FSIL kept disagreeing and going ON about how horrible it looked. I was getting more and more pissed off at this point.
Then my SO happened to be walking by, and she said the same thing to him. He told her that he likes the kitchen color the way it is and that we are not changing it because we wanted light walls in the kitchen. He then told her to stop saying things like that in front of me because he knows it will drive me nuts—not only will it offend me but it will make me second guess the color 100 times.
My SO says we are NO WAY changing the kitchen wall color just because of what her big mouth said.
Still pisses me off though, especially after I spent all that damn time painting the kitchen myself. All of his other family members says the house looks great. But all it takes is one little comment (or COMMENTS in this case) to set me off.
Post # 3
Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.
Just because her opinion isn’t one you like doesn’t mean you need to change anything. I’d just shrug it off. Her opinion wasn’t asked for, but really, what does it change? I don’t see how anything she said is offensive (Unless she was using questionable words to describe how she felt) but I can understand why you’d be miffed.
Post # 4
@Stranger516: don’t welcome her into your home. if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to spend time there. You can also let her know that when she’s critical of something you put a lot of work into, you feel hurt, insulted which makes it hard for you to welcome her into the space that she has criticized.
Post # 5
@Stranger516: Idk why she would say that!? So odd! That would really irk me too. Some people dont know how to keep their opinions to themselves. I dont think either of you will ever have similar tastes (especially since her house is decorated in 95 year old cat lady style)… so I would just suck it up and say “yeah I think our styles are complete opposite” That way it lets her know, in a polite way that you disagree… and dont like her style either. If she asks what do you mean.. just say.. I LOVE this color and I think our styles and tastes vary.
Post # 6
@Hyperventilate: Telling someone the color they just painted their kitchen looks horrible is pretty offensive… maybe it’s just me.
Post # 7
That was really rude of her but I’d just let it go. I’m sure she didn’t realize how much it hurt you.
Post # 8
@Stranger516: if she doesn’t like it who cares… She doesnt pay your mortgage or live under your roof so it doesn’t effect her at all… if you and your fiancé like it thats all that matters…. When someone appoints her god of earth then you should start taking her opinion on kitchen paint colours seriously… Until then I think you shouldn’t waste your emotions on that!
Post # 10
@Stranger516: it was weird and rude for her to say those things, but she probably felt safe since you said you hated the kitchen. Try not to let it keep getting to you. Once you’re able to change the other things you don’t like it will all come together!
Post # 11
@MexiPino: +1. When you said you didn’t like the kitchen, she probably saw that as an invite to express her opinion about it. But to keep going on about it was pretty rude.
Post # 12
Sure, it’s def rude, but I wouldn’t let something like this get to me. I dunno, I just don’t let someone control my emotions too much. At the end of the day, I don’t really care that much what people think or say about me, my house, etc. Especially when so many of them are shit talkers, anyway.
If it was my mom, that probably would’ve bothered me as I value her opinion a lot. FSIL? Eh. I like her and all, but if she didn’t like my kitchen color and was so blatantly rude about it, it wouldn’t make me feel bad about the color, but rather make me feel sad that she could be such a you know what considering she is now family.
Post # 13
Personally I’d just laugh and say “Good thing it’s not your kitchen, isn’t it!” (with a smile… cause it’s my kitchen and I don’t care if they don’t like it).
@Hyperventilate: “Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.”
Seriously, it’s true. It’s one of the best lessons in life. You’re never going to please everyone all the time… not gonna happen. There’s no point secound guessing something you have/do because of someone saying they don’t like it, unless they have a very valid reason and explaination. Like “I think it’s a bad idea to make a giant thing out of fireworks and hold onto it while you light it because you could blow your hand off and that would suck.”.
Personally, if I listened to everyone’s opinion my life would be totally different and I’d be miserable.
Be who you are, like who you are, like what you like, and let other people have their opinions. Doesn’t matter if she likes your kitchen or even if it makes her gag cause she’s dramatic… don’t feed the drama! (life lesson #2). 🙂 Just ignore it.
Post # 14
@Stranger516: Don’t let this get to you. Yes it was rude of your FSIL to say that but it’s really not that big of a deal. Maybe if she was an interior designer and she knew you were anxious for her approval it would be different, but you don’t think she is qualifed to judge your taste so you should move on and forget it.
Post # 15
@Stranger516: I would have said “well you don’t have to live here so your opinion doesn’t count”.
People are just nasty, there is no need for it especially considering she already knew you had repainted… it would have pissed me off too.
Post # 16
It’s definitely rude and your FSIL sounds like an ass, but there’s nothing to do but get over it.