Post # 1
My future sister in law got engaged a few months after me (we got engaged new years eve, and she got engaged the day before thanksgiving). I struggled early on because we would be sharing our first holiday season as engaged couples together, something I was really looking forward to, but ultimately I realized it would just make it a more joyful season for everyone.
I asked her to be my bridesmaid, and she asked me to be hers, and we get along well.
She sent me a text with the cake topper she had picked, and it turned out to be the exact same one I had asked my sister to get me for Christmas! I told her if she wanted, she could still use it, because ours was going to be customized so that it looked just like us, but I couldn’t back down from using it (like my fiance/her brother would have preferred) because it was costing us $115 instead of the $23 it would have been uncustomized…
Yesterday, I noticed an invitation on her parents fridge for her engagement party…and it is the same exact invitation I had already ordered and had printed for our engagement party!! I even showed it to FMIL a few months ago!
Now we are trying to decide what to do about it, and I am really struggling with trying not to be petty about something as silly as engagement party invitations.
My sister says I should be keeping everything a secret for my wedding, but I feel like that would only add to the number of things that we end up with that are the same!
On the one hand, I want to say that it is flattering and I am applauding myself at my great taste, but on the other hand I really just want something of my own!
Has this happenned to anyone?
Post # 3
i would stop sharing things about your wedding with fsil and fmil.
how far apart are your weddings? i doubt anyone else will notice such small similarities…we’re talking about a cake topper and an invite that will end up in most people’s garbage cans.
Post # 4
Do you think it’s been coincidence, or that she has seen your ideas and just really likes them?
If coincidence, then she probably wants to find a solution to having such similar taste as much as you do!
I would jokingly ask if she wants to just have a joint wedding, and then seriously talk about things that are really important to you – maybe pick (different) colors or themes or whatever together, so you know you’ll be working in different directions, even though you have similar taste.
Post # 5
Oh bummer. At least it doesn’t sound like she’s intentionally choosing the same things as you…just coincidence. I think that you should maybe have a conversation with her about it. Maybe she could be thinking the same thing as you are.
Post # 6
You don’t have to disclose every single bit of information with her. That’s why you have other BM’s and so does she. And she’ll be busy planning her own. I wouldn’t be too specific about anything. I think that will help. I wouldn’t suggest letting her see your irritation, it will just makes things worse… and you’re going to be related so really try your best to play it cool.
It’s hard because brides learn so much what’s new and hot thanks to the internet and it leads to these problems. Chin up, hang in there : )
Post # 7
I think that refraining from going into detail with your FMIL and FSIL is a good idea if you’re feeling petty. It could very well have been a case of your fmil seeing the invites and thinking “oh those are nice” showing them to fsil and then going with them for her shower and not even thinking about it really.
There is only so much out there in the ‘wedding world’ to draw inspiration from, and if you find the two of you have similar tastes in other things then you can probably assume that you’ll like similar trends and ideas in the wedding world too.
Post # 8
FSIL got engaged a few months after me too and is having her wedding a few months before me. The only thing we’ve sort of picked out that we both like is accessories, and dark purple as a wedding color. Nothing else will be remotely similar, but even if it were, I don’t think it’d bother me. My wedding pictures and memories will still be mine, and its not like I’d have our wedding pictures up side by side or anything like that to see how similar it is. People will soon forget little details like engagement party invites, don’t worry too much about it.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone, its helpful to hear that its not really a huge deal. We have completely opposite styles, and that is why it is so shocking that these tiny little details keep coming up the same!
I really don’t think she is trying to pick the same things, and thats why this is absurb.
I’m going to talk to her, to make sure we are on the same page about having seperate weddings, but not freaking out about every little detail. There are millions of weddings out there, and I’m sure we can work harder to give our weddings their own unique flair.
Post # 10
i went with stop sharing, my FSIL got engaged bc we got engaged just so that everytime her mom talked about her son and i getting married we haved to make sure we include her!
so far the tried to find where he got my ring, printed off pic of my dress and went dress shopping looking for it, tried to scope out our ceremony site but i refused to give the address and said ill take the family when its closer to the date bc maybe id like to show them with fiance
so my advice keep things to yourself, tho now im getting word im not sharing anything about the wedding, but i just dont care ill share when im ready and when FSIL stops planning her wedding through me, believe it or not thats why they got engaged but we all have to be nice right?
Post # 11
If you’re chosing all the same stuff, you should do a double wedding! 1/2 the cost!
Seriously though, I’ll echo what other bee’s have said say keep your wedding secrets to yourself just so you each can feel special about the small details.
Post # 12
I just talked to my guy about it, and I think he finally heard what I am so frustrated about….its not that I need him to take sides at all, because there are no ‘sides’! I was just frustrated because this is the biggest event I have ever planned…and pretty much the only one. You put so much time and energy into the little details, and so when they aren’t so *special* it can be unnerving. What he said is that if we’ve already paid for them, then we will use them and since our wedding is first it is not a big deal. She will either use the similar ideas, or not, but by then our weddding will be over and it will have been special for *our day* 🙂
Post # 13
BTW Here is the Cake topper
& Here is what I ended up with!