Post # 1
My FMIL called to tell FI and I that his sister is getting a divorce. This was coming as a complete surpise to us as a month ago she told me that she was going to start planning on TTC her second baby, but FMIL says they had been in counselling and his sister decided to call it quits. We get the distinct impression that she is the one who is ‘leaving’ him, and she is one of those ‘tough’ types who definitely wears the pants. It was actually him who called FMIL to let her know they were breaking up. he is the more.. gentle soul of that pair.
Here in comes the problem.
We are going down to Montreal next weekend(we are in a neighboring city) so FI can see his family before he deploys with the Army in a 1.5 weeks. We are planning on handing people our STD’s due to the possible/impending Postal strike here in Canada.
Our wedding is in April of next year but it is a DW, hence the earlyish STDs. His sister was verbally informed of this date/location, back when we saw her a month ago, but it’s nice to have a real ‘date’ in your hand for something like this.
How do we address the STD? I guess it should only go to her? Her plus guest in case they reconcile or she wants to bring a friend or a date since 10 or so months away. Or should it still say his name too?
Should we give it to FMIL to give to her at a later time or just give it to his sister?
TIA fellow Bees!
Post # 3
wow, that is really awkward. (ok, I’m partly writing this to bump it back up, since I really have no idea,) but I kind of maybe sortof a little bit think that until the divorce is official, you should address it to her and her spouse? I don’t think it matters who you deliver it to.
Either that, or wait til the divorce is official, and give it to her, addressed to just her.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Considering it is just a STD and not the formal invite, I would just address it to her. You can’t really give a +1 on the card (“Sue Smith and Guest”???) and you wouldn’t want to add the to-be ex. If they get back together, you can address the invite to both of them, or if she starts seeing someone seriously between now and when you send out your invites, you can address it to her and her +1 by name. That’s just my opinion, I don’t know what the best etiquette would be in this case.
Post # 5
Since it’s an STD, I would just address it to her.
Post # 6
We had this problem too, it’s always so tough to know how to deal with divorce when you’re planning a wedding 🙁 It’s almost like you’re planning a big party when someone’s just died and no one knows how to act.
In our case, my brother, one of our groomsmen, informed us that he and his wife would be getting a divorce about six months before our wedding. Since they were still married at the time, we sent one STD and invitation to the whole family, including their two daughters who were our flower girls. Regardless of their marital status, my brother’s wife had been a part of our family for over 15 years and it would have been rude to exlcude her.
Their divorce was finalized a month or so before our wedding and his wife chose not to come but she did wish us well and had she wanted to come she would have been welcome. Even though she left him (and we suspect was probably cheating since they were only married in name for the last year or so) she’ll always be part of our family since she was his wife and will always be the mother of his daughters.
Post # 7
If I were you I wouldn’t worry about being to formal in indicating who the STD is for. I would suggest a few things. Either do not place a name on it as well and just hand it to her or put just her name on the front of it. You are hand delivering them anyways so it isn’t like they need to know exactly who the invitation is intended towards.
Post # 8
That happened to my BIL too. They were talking about having another baby and then bam, two weeks after our wedding they’re getting a divorce.
I would just address it to your SIL. She might feel pressure that she has to find a date if it says “and guest,” and since she’s family she’ll know other people at the wedding. If she starts dating someone closer to the wedding, you could always put their name on the invite.
Post # 9
If you want to be formal, she is still legally married so I’d address it to her and her legal spouse. Especially if they might get back together or if they are on good terms. If you’re not concerned about being formal, and especially if you have a good relationship with her, I’d just address it to her and verbally tell her you didn’t know how to address it but it’s okay for her to bring whomever she wants.
Post # 10
Thanks guys. I spoke to fi and he thinks we should leave the envelope blank and give it to his Mum then she can write either FSIL name or her and her hubbys a bit later down the road depending on how stuff goes with them. We feel a bit bad for her and hope this is the way to go. I appreciate all of you that took the time to give me suggestions 🙂