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Maybe she can be a hostess? If not...ask her what part she would like to play in your wedding and see if you can accomodate her. It doesn't seem like she has any hard feelings but if she wants to be included maybe you guys can figure out a way.
I'm not sure why she thought she would automatically be included if they aren't very close and you don't spend much time together. Maybe a reading would be a way for her to be involved? That's what I've seen where a sibling from one side (e.g. groom's sister) wasn't included in the wedding party. (Or MC) I know some people think a reading is a cr*p job, but I consider it an honour and thought very carefully about who to choose for ours - no other guest gets to speak in the ceremony!
I don't think you made a mistake. You aren't obligated to ask anyone to be in your wedding party. Is there another way you could involve her? The last wedding I went to, they asked the groom's sister to say the blessing at dinner. Maybe you could do something like that? I think people just like to feel involved, and it doesn't necessarily have to be in the wedding party. That would just get crowded ;)
I don't think you're in any way obligated to include someone in your wedding party unless you absolutely want them there. I would find some other way to include her - maybe she could do a reading during the ceremony?
I feel like if you added her now, it would seem like a pity add. What about asking her to do something else for you on your wedding day, like do a special reading in the ceremony or sign the marriage certificate as a witness?
I honestly think she should have been included. I have never heard of a sibling being left out of a wedding ceremony. My brother will be a groomsman in my wedding. Would you have excluded your siblings from being bridesmaids/groomsmen?
I disagree with American Bride. FI has three brothers and two sisters, and none of them are in the wedding party. They are older (30s and 40s) and have kids, and I feel like that is a role that might be more of a hassle than anything. They are participating in other ways - reading in the ceremony, or their kids are taking part, which I feel like is just as special because parents love for their kids to get recognized.
I don't think there are rules about who should be included in the wedding party. I think in this case, since she was initially disappointed and she is giving the OP a shower, she should serve as a reader or some other honor. Also, jennybirdy, make sure to get her a really great hostess gift for your shower!
I guess I just think siblings are your flesh and blood and they have more of a right to be in the wedding party than anyone else. When it is all said and done, you can't get any closer than flesh and blood. I could understand leaving out someone if there was a major problem. For example, like maybe they were only there to cause trouble and ruin your day or something...lol. But if you are close to your siblings, then I just don't understand why other people would be included OVER them. I mean these are the people who you have known from day one. I would never leave my family out...no matter what. My bridesmaids are my 3 sisters, my favorite cousin, and one of my best friends. One of my sisters has a baby that will be 5 months old when we get married, but she is still going to be in my wedding. She has made arrangements for her baby, and the baby will be in great care on the wedding day. I also don't really see age as an issue. If my siblings were 50 years old I would STILL include them...lol. Friends come and go, but family will always be your family. We were raised to always be there for each other, and put family first.
Oh and btw, three out of my five bridesmaids all have children and jobs. Where there is a will, there is a way.
I think you should include her in some other way. Maybe have her read a passage at the ceremony, or make a speech at the reception? It's a bit too late to invite her to be a BM now IMO.
FI and I both have one sibling each (he a sister, and I have a brother). We are including both in our wedding party, but only because it's so convenient... it would be a different story if we had multiple siblings.
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I need help bees!
My FSIL is my FI's only sibling. She and my FI aren't particularly close, but they do see each other on occassion. She's about 5 years older and has 4 kids. She's perfectly nice and I like her, so there's no drama there.
I already chose my 6 BMs (my closest girls) and I didn't include her. My reasoning: she has 4 kids and one will be 10 months old when we get married, I didn't want her separate her from her family the day of the wedding, esp her 10 month old, we're not that close (I see her only occassionally.) I really thought she'd be fine with not being in the wedding. My FMIL called my FI and said that we shouldn't leave her out, which might hurt her feelings. She also said that she (FSIL) is planning me a wedding shower with his side of the family. So, FI called her to see where she stood/if she was hurt. She said she thought she'd be included, but FI explained our reasons and she understood. I feel sad and regretful now :(
My question: did I make a mistake? I feel like it's too late now to ask her and I wouldn't want to give her a pity invite at this point. Thoughts?