(Closed) FSIL pregnant…I feel sad (and like a jerk!)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

๐Ÿ™ Wow… what a situation to be in! I know I would feel the exact. same. way. if it were me. I’d probably do the same, bottle it all up and say nothing and just grow more and more sad (it’s what I do!)

I can’t understand how a parent can show such favoritism. It seems wrong to me. But it occures far too often.

Even if things don’t chage, try to focus on your soon to be hubby. I wonder how he feels in all of this? Try to make your life together a dream – and when/if you have kids – cherish them all equally! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 4
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I know EXACTLY how you’re feeling. Except with ours, my SIL had a pretty simple wedding, and my MIL acted like we were crazy for wanting nice things, and kept implying that I was spoiled and just talking about how much fun everyone had at SIL’s wedding and how much money they saved and blah bah blah. My MIL did not pay for the wedding, but she is super frugal, and in all honesty I think it bugged her that we were having the formal wedding she couldn’t get her favorite child, SIL, to go along with.

My SIL had her baby right before we got engaged…and whenever I tried to discuss the wedding she was just wanting to discuss what the baby would wear and how he is so cute he’ll steal all the attention cuz everyone will want to hold him all night. But if it gives you any hope, that did NOT happen. Thank god for my day of coordinator, she was there to stop DH’s parents from trying to walk down the aisle holding the baby instead of leaving him with his other grandparents as planned (hello, what if he cries and you have to get up? You’re cool with missing your only son’s wedding?), and she also stopped them from setting up his play pen right next to our sweetheart table and moved it out in the hallway…where he passed out and slept through everything and no one besides MIL and SIL even noticed. Thank god.

I agree with not talking to your FI about her being pregnant right now bugging you…even though I totally understand why it sucks, even if it sounds kinda bitchy, you shouldn’t share those feelings with him. But I would tell him that it hurts you that FMIL still discusses his sister’s wedding constantly, and when you tried to take her dress shopping it hurt to not have her want to talk about your wedding at all. Ideally she’ll do it in front of him and he can have a conversation with her about how it kinda hurts his feelings (but he should totally leave out of it, or she’ll blame you.) And you’re not horrible for being bummed about about all this…it’s not like you don’t wish your FSIL happiness or don’t want her to have a kid…you just wish your FMIL could stop playing favorites!

PM me if you ever feel the need to vent more and don’t feel like posting, cuz I know exactly what you’re going through!

Post # 5
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Holy crap, talk about some serious PA behavior. Good lord. I can relate to what you ladies are going through. My SIL gets the attention, has a kid and has another one on the way. Sometimes my future MIL will just talk about how amazing my SIL is and go on and on about her. I agree that my SIL is awesome (she is) and I don’t care about not getting attention or not being the favorite one because to be honest, I would hate to have all that attention. A good way to see this is, maybe you are not getting attention, but at the same time, they are probably not meddling in your business half as much as they would be if they actually cared more.

Also, who knows, maybe when your FMIL is with your SIL, all she is talking about is YOU! ๐Ÿ™‚ You just never really know.

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Pixie79:  A good way to see this is, maybe you are not getting attention, but at the same time, they are probably not meddling in your business half as much as they would be if they actually cared more.


Very true, that is the good side! Like, I kinda wish my MIL had been more involved in helping plan last-minute details the week before our wedding, instead of building a playscape outside for her grandchild who couldn’t even walk yet…but she probably would of just nit picked everything anyways. haha

Post # 7
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

OMG, I thought I wrote this. except for that parents like the other siblings more. I totally understand how you feel, where you are getting all the ideas from. I have one in my in-law family as well, and the difference is that the sister-in-law is doing (my fiance’s brother’s wife) things to herself. Like she will tell people how she looks young and pretty than her age, and how nice person she is and stuff with her own mouth.

She got married a year ago, and we are getting married this year too. she got all the attention by herself, talking about her wedding every time when we get together, just to make herself center of attention. i listened to that crap for like 10 months, not finally my turn came, she got pregnant and now we are sharing all my wedding and her baby thing together. even she decided to do her baby shower (she’s not due till end of october) right next of my bachelorette party so whoever comes to my party couldn’t stay too long so they can go to her baby shower next day.

uhh, i just don’t like her and she’s so fake and trying too much to get all the attention. and now she’s asking me if i want to get pregnant right after the wedding, saying that i should wait for a while to enjoy the life as a newly married, (well i’ve been together with my fiance for over 4 years and i lived with him for 3 years) well, i’m going to pregnant whenver i want to, and i just want her to shut her mouth, giving me all the crappy advise that i don’t even ask for.

she got pregnant 5 months after her wedding, and she said she always wanted to have  a summer baby so they tried to get pregnant right after the wedding, and just wanted to see how things are going to be, but when i first asked to her husband about planning having a little one, he said they are waiting for another year. so i don’t know if she’s planning to get pregnant by herself or something, she will just make up things to make her look better. she didn’t even quit smoking until she found out that she’s pregnant, she smoked the first 2 months when she’s pregnant. uhh..

well, what can you do, you just gotta be nice. but i say everything to my fiance, i think you should be able to talk about eveyrhing to the guy who you are going to marry. i just feel so bad for you and i doubt things will change in a short time, but if you keep being nice and just polite and show that you care, people will understand your effort eventually. hopefully.

Post # 8
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I dealt with a similar situation in my engagement.  DH and I got engaged in February of 2011 after being together a while.  This March, 2012, FBIL announced he had a girlfriend.  April, she moved in with him.  May, she found out she was pregnant.  June, they got married (three weeks before our wedding!).  We still got our attention, but I felt slighted.  I still do, but for other issues that I won’t threadjack you with.

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