- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 1993
Hello Fellow Bees! I find myself at a loss for words and I am seeking some advice….any and all feedback will be appreciated!
My 45 year old brother is engaged to be married next year (2nd marriage for both). His FI is also 45, and they each have teenaged children. Brother makes about $50k per year, and his FI makes about $200K per year….nice, right??? 🙂
They are planning a wedding in a large, lovely historic inn about two hours from our house. They really want to involve family (even though they have not had any sit-down discussions with the family about the wedding), and have reserved five rooms at this inn for TWO nights for their closest family members (my mom, her mom, me and DH, her two sisters) as well as for their kids and themselves.
We have all basically been told that we are responsible for paying for these rooms, at the tune of about $600 for both nights. This includes my 70-year-old mother, who totally supports herself via Social Security and a small part-time job. None of us are going to be “in” the wedding, and all of us live within commuting distance. When my mom told me my brother said she could pay for the room and consider that her “wedding present,” my head almost flew off my shoulders. I think this is the most outrageous thing that I have ever heard. When I asked him about it, and told him that I thought it was absolutely ridiculous to make his own mother spend $600 to “attend” his wedding festivities, he went on about how it’s a once in a lifetime thing (second wedding for both) and blah blah blah. I reminded him that his FI makes four times his salary, and her whole family is rich, but that is certainly not the case for my mom (DH and I do pretty well thankfully).
In addition, my brother doesn’t want his kids to each bring a friend to the wedding due to expense. There will be about 55 guests, which will only have 11 from our side (including his kids) attending. Her guests will include longtime family friends and their children, who are best friends with her children. We have already been to parties at the FIs house where “our” kids have no one there they know but us, while her kids have ten of their friends over.
My DH and I have been extremely supportive of my brother and his kids during his horrible first marriage, divorce, and nasty custody battle that led to him having full custody of his kids. We spend EVERY Saturday with the kids while my brother is at work, buy them their school clothes, and do tons of other things to help keep the chaos to a minimum.
Am I right to be so upset about this? I thought that when you hosted a wedding you HOSTED it — not billed out major expenses to family members that have supported you in innumerable ways for years and years. I feel horrible for feeling horrible about this — but the more I hear about this wedding and their plans the more I feel like a pawn being moved around instead of the loving sister I really am.
Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks!