Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2016 - Chateau
Just needed a little vent. Does anyone have a SIL or FSIL like mine? Or does anyone have an AMAZING one?
My FSIL is such a depressing, controlling person. I thought it would get better after my FI and I got engaged. I had these visions of us planning together, sharing, laughing and being like sisters… SO not what happened… she got worse. She made comments on my ring, saying that it was much nicer than hers (in a mean way) and that I shouldn’t think that my FI loves me more than her husband loves her, which left a really awkward feeling at the dinner table. Its hard to understand how it sounded but it sounded really mean.
They got married super quick and super young. Im not judging at all, I would love to get married at my age, but you see my family (parents) live in the caribbean so we decided to get married there (especially as they have a restaurant, perfect for the reception) and we wanted to let everyone have a few a years notice. Also I get stressed easily so thought a long engagement would let me chill out and leisurely plan my wedding. FSIL keeps dropping remarks like “we just made do with what we had, why cant you?” Or “we’re definitely not coming to the wedding, why cant you just do it in a small church here” or “you and FI are the new celebrities and me and my husband are old news now”… people keep telling me shes jealous, and maybe she is… but in an attempt not to hurt her feelings, my FIs family are pretending like the wedding doesnt exist… no one will talk to me about the wedding and if they do they change the subject right away. I feel very alone in the planning the wedding since my parents are 8 hours flight and 6 hours time difference away and I dont want to sicken my FI with wedding talk….
Just let me know that im not alone with my FSIL problems? Pretty please? Or tell mr about your lovely one 🙂
Post # 2
I, sadly, don’t have any FSIL… But I have three FBIL! They are pretty cool and I was good friends with two of them before getting together with FI.
I am sorry your FSIL is being so mean, but I guess she is just jelous. Can your FI have a talk with her? I am sure he doesn’t want you to feel like this and he could talk to her about how her comments are out of place, without you having to awkwardly step in.
Good luck, and don’t let anyone make this process less amazing than it should be!
Post # 3
I don’t have any SIL advice but I will say that with wedding bee you will never feel too alone with wedding planning. The bees are so great with advice and support and ideas!
Post # 4
islandchloe: Welcome to the bee, and *hug.* Don’t let anyone steal your joy! Your fellow bees will rejoice in every step of your wedding plans!! I have found so much support and guidance here, and kindred spirits too. Keep smiling and keep posting!!
Post # 5
For the longest time I thought my FSIL didn’t like me. She has a bit of an abrasive personality, and is a very honest person. Plus she is always out and about with her friends, going to clubs, or running in a 5k for this or that charity. His other sister liked me, and I knew his mom and dad liked me, but I always felt this sort of distance with his other sister.<br /><br />Turns out, I was wrong. I got a birthday present from her right after we were engaged, and though it seems silly – A t-rex tea diffuser – I knew right then and there that she liked and approved of me! Ever since she has been wonderful at helping me with little plans for the wedding, even though she lives a state away. I know she can’t really afford it right now, she changed jobs, but she is able to go to one of the events of my out-of-town bachelorette party!<br /><br />Don’t worry, things will get better with yours, but it will take time.
Post # 6
I am sorry to hear about your FSIL. You are definitely not alone with this issue, I’ve seen many other posts about FSILs. She sounds like a insecure, selfish and jealous person to me (bummer). She had her time and now its her brothers and yours!! She should be told by someone in her family to lighten up and tone it down. It’s a shame her family members permit this behavior and won’t discuss wedding, etc. I think it would be hard for me not to tell my fiance about this, he probably should step in and let his parents know that FSIL is really bringing down your happy planning time and limiting their involvement and figure out who is best suited to attempt to tell her as nicely as possible that she is being rude, etc. It might not sicken your fiance to help with this as much as you think, I am sure he wants you to be happy and wants his family involved in the wedding. I’m really sorry and good luck!
Post # 7
islandchloe: My FSIL has a lot of problems…she has some health issues that cause her to be unable to work and I think this has lead her to being lazy/depressed. My FMIL even had to take her kid from her and took complete care of her daughter for over a year. She posts dramatic statuses on facebook all the time clearly looking for attention. It’s so strange. I too wanted to have a “sisterly” relationship with her, but she makes it very hard!
She also told everyone when we got engaged that she was our wedding planner and went crazy buying stuff for our wedding then actually had the balls to ask FI for money for what she bought. We didn’t ask for any of the stuff. She wanted to make our centerpieces and bought supplies for that – but umm, that’s what the florist is for ! It was so strange – FI had to eventually tell her to back off and that I wanted to plan our wedding. I’ve also heard she made her cousin upset on her wedding day, saying she wasnt paying any attention to her, didnt include her etc….so I am going to be on the lookout when it comes time for our wedding. Hopefully she won’t do anything that makes me too upset….
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2016 - Chateau
Thanks for your lovely and encouraging messages everyone!
Post # 9
islandchloe: im so sorry you are going through this, but believe me i knowwwww the feeling. The only difference is mine is the MIL. She is exactly the same and very jealous. she says things like your only happy because your leaving me ( to my fiance) or to me, your a traitor or why dont you just go abroad no one cares!!!! Reaaaallly??!
hun its jealousy and you know what i dont knw if you have close friends but use them or anyone you are close with. Its really not nice and we dont talk about the wedding with her either because she will just be so negative about it all. I dont even go round anymore thats how bad it has gotten but i love my fiance and to me that is all that matters. There is always one who will try to mess it up. Dont allow her to do that, she wants you to feel bad. Try and stand firm and you enjoy your engagement! Ours is long too so i feel now im not alone lol! I really thought i was!
Post # 10
islandchloe: That sounds awful. My fiance doesn’t have any sisters (which I guess is a good thing?) – but my brother just recently got engaged and I really hope she doesn’t think of me negatively!
I think that she’s great and I’ve been helping her out with anything that she asks, they even picked the same venue as me and I honestly didn’t care. I don’t feel like my FSIL is competition, just someone extra to be close to and love. Plus I wondered what it would be like to have a sister, so I’m really excited now that I can have one!
Post # 11
islandchloe: first off I’m sorry you’re going through that! maybe she is projecting some unhappiness in her life onto your decisions without realizing. Having your fi have a little chat next time she makes a snarky comment next time could help. I would definitely have him do the talking thoigh if you don’t have a relationship with her.
i can’t commiserate though Because my husband doesn’t have any sisters and my brother is engaged to a girl who has become one of my best friends! It can get better!!
Post # 12
🙁 to the SIL! BOoooo to her, she does sound jealous… dont feel alone in planning! You’ve always got the bee and the be can give you a swift kick in the butt if you need it too!! I know its not like you imagined it but continue to think calming thoughts… and if you think its worth it, talk to her. Tell her you dont think her snark is warranted or appreciated. She had what she wanted and you just want the same thing, what you wanted!
Sidebar: planning DW weddings are sooo much fun, and can be sooo stressful at the same time. Im not officially engaged yet but SO and I are planning to get married summer 2015 and started planning October of last year. Take your time and i hope your wedding is everything you’ve ever dreamed of!
Post # 13
islandchloe: Big hugs!!! I can’t agree with the FSIL part because the one that I have has been great soo far. We’ve never had problems and has even taken up me an FI side durign some of the wedding planning. She hasn’t pitch a fit about somethings that didn’t go exactly her way (bridesmaid dress). Your FIL may be right and she just have a bad case of the green-eyed monster. Dont’ let anyone FSIL, o any family or fried brign down this happy time for you …yea sometimes easier said then doen but vent to someone you trust (or the hive!!) and then move on. Good luck and I truly hope things get better for you.
Post # 14
So, my SO’s brothers girlfriend found out he was going to propose (my SO) so she bought herself a ring and made his brother propose the day before to be first. So now we decided to wait to get engaged to not be petty but I want to claw her face off… never mind they are living together with kids already so it’s not going to change much. We don’t live together yet and I was getting so excited… I don’t know how to cope with having to be happy in front of her. This is why you don’t share plans, you just tell them when to show up.