Post # 1
I was just recently informed by my FMIL and FBIL that my FSIL is a little upset that she isn’t included (yet) in the wedding. I didn’t want to make her a BM because I understand the BMs have to shell out a bit of dough to be part of the wedding party, and seeing as how she’s 17, going to cosmetology school, and her husband doesn’t have a job, I didn’t want to put that financial burden on her. Plus, we aren’t really that close. I do want her to be a part of her brother’s special day, but I’m having trouble coming up with a way to include her that isn’t cheesy. I was thinking about having her do a reading at the ceremony, and I know she would love that, but what? My FI and I aren’t religious, so a Bible reading would seem out of place. (Just trust me on this one). So what can I do to include her? Suggestions, please!
Post # 3
There are a lot of non-religious readings. This is an awesome thread on Indie Bride with a TON of ideas:
<span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-family: arial; font-size: 13px”><em style=”font-style: normal; text-decoration: inherit”>Union by<em style=”font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: inherit”> <em style=”font-style: normal; text-decoration: inherit”>Robert Fulghum is a popular one that I’m thinking of using for instance.
Post # 4
Could you have a non-religious reading? I’ve seen a lot of bees use beautiful poems or readings from a longer text on love, marriage, commitment, etc… that have nothing to do with religion.
We don’t have a bridal party at all, but I invited all our sisters to do "bridal party" things like go to the salon to get our hair and maekup done, get ready in the bridal room, walk down the aisle in the processional (escorting my Grandma), etc… Would something like this work for you?
Post # 5
A passage from Shakespeare would also be beatiful! And I agree with Mrs. Spring–try to include her in other wedding related things 🙂
Post # 6
We’re doing two non-religious readings in our wedding…one from the Mass same-sex marriage court opinion (we’re both attorneys so it seemed fitting to use a legal opinion ) and the other is called Benediction of the Apaches. There are tons of suggestions all over the Internet…just find one that seems appropriate for you and your FI.
Post # 7
- Wedding: February 2009 - Small church ceremony with mountain-view log cabin reception
wait.. am I reading this correctly? She’s 17 and married?
Regardless, I can see where she would want to be involved. Even if you’re not very close to her, it’s her brother and it’s a good thing she wants to be involved in some way. Since she’s going to school for cosmetology, you could involve her in the planning of hair and make-up? Maybe you could ask her for her opinion, send a few inspirational pictures you like, and you could connect that way. It might make you closer and give her a feeling of importance to you. I think a reading is a great way to honor someone special, so that would work as well.
Post # 8
@lc80: Love the Shakespeare idea! FI and I are kind of movie/theatre junkies.
@DCBrideinATL: Should I just google "non religious readings"? I’m so lost!
@mschampagne: Yes, I know, it seems odd, but at the time it was the right thing to do. I would totally not be opposed to having her do my hair/makeup, except my mom is a hairstylist, and she would be SO OFFENDED if she didn’t get that responsibility. Mom has always done mine and all of my friends’ hair and makeup for proms, parties, etc.
Thanks for all the advice, bees!
Post # 9
If I were in your position, I would go ahead and invite her to be a bridesmaid: I’ve always heard this is the most appropriate place for FSILs. Maybe you could work some things out with her as far as costs or see if your in laws would be willing to pick up her tab. BUT if you decide that isn’t right for you guys, I agree that having her do a reading would be a good option: I’m sure you could find plenty out there, maybe even from a favorite book of yours. I would definitely make sure to include her in bridal showers/bachelorette parties/etc!
Post # 10
@June Bug: Oh, I wouldn’t DREAM of leaving her out of those things! I just know that her being a BM is not feasible. We are already paying for the entire wedding ourselves, plus we’re picking up the tab for his brother’s tux (he’s a GM and he’s 11-so cute!) and other misc things that we really shouldn’t have to pay for, but we know that if we don’t no one else will. I just know there is no way I could foot the bill for an extra BM, too. Plus, he only wants 2 GMs, and I know this is silly, but I’m kind of OCD and I want (need) things to be even.
Post # 11
I can see why she’s upset if her brother is in the wedding and she isn’t. Isn’t there any way you could fit her in? Maybe her mother could help her pay for the dress?
17 and married? Really? Poor thing. I couldn’t imagine! You’re supposed to be going to prom.
Post # 12
Post # 13
I would ask her to do a fun reading, something that will highlight that moment (like the ONLY reading) so she feels included and special.
I wasn’t a part (at all) of my brother’s wedding, although my other brother was his BM. I didn’t feel upset about it at all. And I didn’t even think about it until now…
Post # 14
Dude, 17 and married and in cosmetology school?
Seriously, make her a BM. Pay for the dress. This girl needs this in her life right now. She is missing out on so much fun and so many "I’m special" moments. Do it. This is an investment in your future!
I know that right now, buying one more dress seems crazy, but take a step back. What’s a $200 dress in the big scheme of things? She isn’t a random friend who might slip out of your life. This is your future sister. Building a family is exactly what a wedding is about, not who has the cutest knick knacks or the best food. Do it.
Post # 15
I think you’ve gotten some wonderful suggestions. I just wanted to emphasize that you should include her in some capacity, and I know you’ve said you want to, so please do. It may not matter to everyone, but it’s nice to be involved in family weddings.
Post # 16
I don’t think you’re obligated to make her a BM as others have suggested. I’m actually in the same kind of boat. Both of my FI’s brothers are his groomsmen, and his niece is the flower girl. My FSIL isn’t in the wedding to this capacity, but she is going to do a non-religious reading at the wedding. I think that’s something small, but should definitely be meaningful to her.