FSIL/BM threatens to make a scene at the wedding

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly, if she acts like an asshat at the wedding, SHE will look like an asshat, not you.  I’m sorry you have to deal with her drama, but she basically just sounds very childish and immature.  Her behavior will reflect upon her, not you, so there’s not much you can really do that won’t make waves with the in-laws.

Post # 4
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Don’t play into this childishness. Have her walk the aisle with whoever you want…if she refuses then F her. Also, she can throw a scene if she wants, but it will probably be, like, a minute blip on your radar, and certainly nothing that will ruin the wedding. She sounds like a gem.

Post # 5
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@DaneLady:  +1

As tough as this may be, let her be a drama queen all she wants. My SIL was similar to this at my wedding (and she was in her 30s…waaay old enough to know better) and you know what? no one paid her any attention and it didn’t take away from DH and my day.

Don’t kick her out. Don’t even respond when she acts like this. she wants to cause a scene smile sweetly and say “ok whatever you need to do…” Ignore bad behavior. Might get worse for a bit but it sounds to me like her family is on to her. Don’t get wrapped into her game.

Post # 6
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@VintageMichelle:  You poor thing! I was going to say your 18-year-old-college-Freshman FSIL sounds like a NIGHTMARE, but 26?! That’s CRAZY!

Does anyone have the ability to control her crazy ass?

Post # 7
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@DaneLady:  +1, her behaviour is a reflection of her and if she can’t get over an ex she will look desperate and pathetic. I, however, would be kicking her ass out of my bridal party, future inlaws be damned. No, thank you, I will not sign up for that nonsense on a day that is costing ME money.

Post # 8
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I thought you were talking about a high school student until you said she was 26 ! gee

Post # 9
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I am super anti kick out the BM, but you have a special case here.

BEFORE you kick her out of your BP, your FI needs to firmly, concisely tell her that she can act like a grown up for once, or she can stay home.  She needs to be told firmly that if she starts anything, she will be removed from the premises.  He might to run this by his parents first.  Not for permission, but for them to realize what is going on and that it will not be tolerated.

NOW – let’s say she says she will be a good girl, but causes a scene at your wedding.  This is where the rest of the day falls on your shoulders.  You can remember that you can’t control her reactions, just yours, and have her removed… OR you can fall apart and say “she ruined my wedding.”  Your choice and you shoud start now practicing what you will do so that she gets no reaction from you and you enjoy your day.  If she pulls anything it is totally on you how you CHOOSE to handle it.  If it were me, I’d take a deep breath, have security remove her (that security would be preplanned for peace of mind) and I’d party like it was 1999.

So, to recap

1. FI tells her she will straigten up and fly right or be removed from the premises

2.  FI will have a plan with security or some big burly cousins to get her out of  there.  (If she won’t leave, call the police)  This plan needs to be executed by others and not you guys, so make sure that is firmly in place

3.  You develop a plan now so that you keep moving on with your day and not skip a beat.  You can choose to be a classy bride who keeps things moving or you can fall apart in the bathroom and lose your entire reception (which she would just love).

You guys have planned a beautiful wedding day, make sure you stay in charge and you don’t let others spoil it.  Best of luck to you!

Post # 10
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@VintageMichelle:  If I were you, I’d have your FI go see her and calmly speak with her and tell her that she is welcome to bring a date herself and ask her if she still wants to be part of the bridal party given her feelings about her ex. If she wants to stay in the party, or even if she doesn’t, remind her that your wedding is not the time or place to make a scene. If she feels herself getting upset, she needs to keep it together until she can make a quiet and calm exit to compose herself. He should also encourage her kindly to think about the fact that she will come off looking very bad if she has a meltdown over an ex from over five years ago.

Post # 11
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

 She has been able to get away with things thus far because she has been allowed to. So since this is your wedding, don’t allow to her to dictate anything about it.

Honestly, she’s a student so it’s not that unexpected that she would ask her parents to pay for her dress since she has no income (I assume). However, she does seem pretty inconsiderate and irresponsible to have someone pay for a dress and then not wear it or even return it or pay them back. But that is for her parents to address since it is them who is paying for her things. Annoying, yes. I agree.

As for her freaking out over this ex, have your FI explain to her in no uncertain terms that unneccessary, childish drama will not be tolerated at the wedding. If she inists on acting ridiculous in any way and causing unnecessary stress during the wedding, she will be asked to leave. simple as that.

Post # 12
4959 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I feel you! When we first got engaged, my FI’s sister decided to take it upon herself to plan our wedding. She ordered invitation samples, color swatches, made up a centerpeice and THEN- asked FI for $$$$ to pay for all of the things she bought – NONE of which we asked for (or will use). 


I just found out recently that she also told her cousin’s (also in the wedding party) that she was our wedding planner. UM- WHAT? I am my own wedding planner, lol. I also had started a wedding website, but I didn’t want it to be public until we sent out save the dates. So I googled our names together to make sure it wasn’t, and I found a wedding website she started!!! It was mostly blank, and it had the wrong date & she apparently doesn’t know my last name.


I was also warned by the cousins that she tried to ruin one of their weddings by calling her the night before and complaining that she wasn’t paying enough attention to her, and didn’t know how to get daycare for her child, etc. As if the bride needed to be worrying about this on the night before her wedding! 


I plan to just let it roll off my back if she starts any of that shit with me (shes much better now that we told her we are planning our wedding, etc.). No one is going to ruin my wedding! 


Post # 13
1470 posts
Bumble bee

What a walking disaster? I’d let her remain in the party to keep the peace, I’ll echo PP’s-she’ll only make herself look like a fool, not you.

But maybe warn her, sister to sister, that she’ll feel really effing stupid if she acts like a doof at the wedding and the new girlfriend is gorgeous and nice.


Post # 14
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

To cause less drama let her stay in your bridal party. BUT don’t let her get a word in on who she wants to walk with. Let her spew complaints all she wants but ignore whatever she whines about. She is just going to have to tough it out for one day. I highly doubt she will really flip out and if she does everyone will just stare at her like she is a crazy person. I think she is just saying those things so she can get her way. *knock on wood*

Just tell her where to be and when to be there. If she ignores calls/texts/emails then call FMIL and let her know you have been trying to get in touch with her and hopefully FMIL can pass along any messages. 

Good luck!!

Post # 15
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

She sounds like a total brat. Good riddance for the ex-boyfriend!

After you alert your FI and he speaks with both his immature sister and his parents about the matter (and decide whether it’s worth it to keep her in the wedding party at all).

Let ALL the bridesmaids know what she’s threatened, and ALL the groomsmen know as well – even the ex-boyfriend. Tell them they are on breakdown duty that night, and while you expect them to not provoke the situation (i.e. not ask her about it, get New Grilfriend overly involved, goad her into a breakdown) you most certainly expect them to handle it if she decides to do this. Most BM’s and GM’s will be happy to provide a “day-of happiness” service.

Nothing is going to be worse than a bridesmaid having a babyish breakdown, surrounded by UNSYMPATHETIC bridesmaids and groomsmen. Then maybe dragged out kicking and screaming buy the Bank of Mom and Dad. Someone call a waaaahmbulance!

If she brings it up again, remind her of how aweseome it will look on your professional photos and video – remind her that you’ll be sure to ask those pros to capture the moment in the event it happens.
You can offer her a commemorative photo! ;P

Post # 16
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

So lets get this straight, she been behaving badly on multiple occasions, SHE TOLD YOU SHE WOULD CAUSE A SCENE!! This girl(cause she clearly is a child) has made her position crystal clear.

I think you need to have a big talk with your Fiance. He needs to take the friends in dealing with his sister. Hopefully FMIL will help by being supportive of you guys as she clearly is fed up with this daughter.

First things first, she should not be a part of the bridal party period. Can you imagine having that type of energy while trying to get ready for your wedding.

Second her brother should make it crystal clear that if she not on her best behavior at any wedding events, that she will not be invited; if he not prepared to go that far, then you guys have to make plan for her being escorted out if it comes to that. Seat her close to an exit and do what you have too. But I do think if she does things at other events and is actually kicked it out, it may show her that you guys aren’t playing.

You guys need to get a plan together, and be speak to her about her behavior.

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