Post # 1
Tell me this isn’t messed up and I promise I will let it go…
My fiance proposed. We decided on all the major things right away- colors, clothes for everyone, where, when, etc. (basically we had the look of our wedding figured out, where & date). It was decided. Everyone knew our plans- why wouldn’t you share stuff like that with your future family?? There was no reason for it to be a secret.
Fast forward 2 months, and fiance’s sister gets engaged. I’m genuinely happy for them. I tell her congrats (which is more than she said to me about our engagement btw).
Then over the course of 6 months, I find out-
- They are getting married 3 weeks before us. I thought it was inconsiderate of her to not say a single word to me, but whatever. Get married whenever you want. Every bride (me included) only gets one day- I know, I know.
- Then I find out they are getting married in the same city as us (where they do not live) & in the same church as us (that they do not attend nor is it even thier religion!). Ok….that’s weird but get married where you want.
- Then I find out her bridesmaids are wearing the same color of dresses. WTF. How hard is it to pick a different frickin’ color other than what my bridesmaids are wearing 3 weeks later???? This is when I get pissed off. Fiance thinks I’m exaggerating and doesn’t want problems in the family over something as silly as dress colors & a wedding date. He’s right….so I let it go.
- Then his mom mentions something about the same color of flowers.
- Then its heard through the family that the groomsmen are wearing the same thing.
This chick isn’t my favorite person at this point. I don’t talk her. I don’t care to be around her. Let’s just get this wedding thing over with.
- in a casual conversation to someone else she describes (right in front of me) her wedding dress……that freak perfectly described my dress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Same style! Same fabric!! Same fit!!!! Bought it at the same place!!!! The dress is something that she specifically asked me what I was looking for! Some of the other things were said in front of her, but the dress she specifically ASKED me what I was getting!
HONESTLY, I’m not the bridezilla type, but I am LIVID after this!!!!! I don’t want to go to her wedding and I am no longer excited about ours. I’m so scared that she is going to walk down the aisle in my dress. :’-( What do I do?? Do I really wear a similar/same(?) dress & have a similar wedding 3 weeks later surrounded by 70% of the exact same people???? Come on….that is pretty messed up if the only thing different in the wedding pictures are the heads!!
I simmered there for a couple weeks until it was mentioned that I need to help set up for their wedding this evening. Are you freaking kidding me???! Not happening. All I want to do is punch her in the nose. That’s the only thing that will make me happy right now.
Seriously, what do I do?? This bothers me so much, mostly because we are 3 weeks later. What would you do? I won’t say anything to the family, because there doesn’t need to be any drama on her wedding day or the night before her wedding day, but I know I will hold a grudge about this forever & a day.
Post # 3
@eks101: I get where you’re coming from, but honestly, the Bride and Groom make the wedding what it is and nothing else….you and I could put the same dresses on our friends and it would look totally different, I can’t recall a single floral arrangement from a single wedding I’ve ever been to and if you and I wore the same wedding dress, it would still be night and day, because we’re different people.
There is nothing to be angry about, because it won’t even register to any of the family members outside of, “Oh hey, we know the way to the church…rock on.”
Everything else is going to be new and fresh and interesting because this time, its yours, so let it go, because I understand it seems like a big deal, I assure you, it isn’t.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@eks101: Go and take notes, then kick your wedding up a notch or change up what can be changed up to make yours stand out or at least look a little different. It sucks but there’s nothing you can do about it.
Post # 5
@eks101: Most people probably know that you guys were engaged/planned first. I think that she will come off as odd not you, since she got engaged after you guys. I know its really hard because you worked hard on your details and it seems like shes just ripping you off but try to forget about it because 5 years from now none of your guests will probably be able to describe those details, they will just remember how awesome your wedding was! Also, KEEP YOUR DRESS!!! Dont let someone else take that from you! The best part of your wedding she can’t copy? Marrying your FI! Just keep positive thoughts and sorry you are going through this!
Post # 6
I understand why you’re feeling upset but there is nothing you can do about it. Despite having everything the same, the weddings will still be different. Even if you have the same dress, the look will be different because 2 different people are wearing it with different accessories. I knew 3 people who all wore the same dress and I had no idea until long after the fact because they looked so different on each of the 3 girls.
It’s really not worth it to focus on trying to make your wedding different from hers – just make your wedding what you want it to be. Trust me, it won’t be the same! Don’t let it ruin your last few weeks of planning or your wedding – you (hopefully) only have one shot at this – enjoy it!
FWIW – I went to a wedding 6 days ago and I don’t remember what the bride’s dress looked like, what the guys wore or even what the flowers looked like. I do remember the average food, their awesome first dance, and the bride and groom getting into a massive argument.
Post # 7
@Nona99: Thank you. I think that’s exactly what I needed to hear.
Post # 8
@eks101: I don’t have any advice, I just want to say that I would be so pissed! And I feel you are perfectly entitled to be pissed! However, as others have said, you can do sweet f all about her wedding, just make sure yours rocks!
Post # 9
I promise you that none of your guest will notice. As much as we stress over details honestly it’s only the big picture guests remember. They remember how lovely you looked, how much fun they had, etc.
Before I was engaged I could not tell you what the dress looked like, colors, 20 minutes after I left. Now that I’m knee deep in wedding details I can recall the program fonts of the last 2 weddings I went to, but that’s another story. Perhaps if you have a guest that is activley planning a wedding then that one person will notice the similarites. The other 99% not so much.
Post # 10
Can’t lie, I’d be freaking livid too!
Post # 11
I would be PISSED. You are not crazy for being upset.
Ok, deep breath.
I promise people will not notice as many details as you do.
Dresses of the same color can have totally different shades, fabrics, styles and girls look totally different than each other so don’t freak about that.
Think of her wedding as the pre party to yours 🙂 You’ll have a chance to see what works and what doesn’t and you can’t tweak things to fix them.
I guarantee most of your in laws already noticed the eerily identical locations, close dates, etc but they probably aren’t saying anything to you because they don’t want to upset you. Take it as an opportunity to be the classy one- smile during the day, hold your head high and when someone mentions your wedding, just gush about how excited you are 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2014 - The Cove Lakeside Resort
I feel your pain…. My SISTER got engaged 6 months after me, and chose a day two weeks after mine ( her and my mom said I should be thankful it wasn’t two weeks before… pff like its any better) I was really pissed, not only the date thing (like you, I know I only get one day blah blah) but because I felt she was already ruining my turn in the spot light (like always) …. long story short she decided not to come to our wedding, and my family is pissed at me because of it….
I’m really sorry this is happening to you! be strong, just enjoy your day, and just think, if your FSIL is copying you, you must have some awesome ideas!…. since no one wants to copy bad ideas right?
Post # 13
It is beyond doubt annoying, yes, but this is your future sister-in-law and you called her ‘that freak’. No one remembers anything but the bride and groom. I’d be the bigger person and let it go. I know if my husband called my sister ‘that freak’ because she copied ideas of his, I’d be more pissed at *him*.
Post # 14
I’d be more than livid about all of this.
But, that’s not very helpful of me to admit.
Post # 15
This chick is cra-ay-ay-zy.
I would probably be that sickly sweet helper, who then not so subtely just asks how she heard about this church she doesn’t go to, how sweet it was for her to plan her wedding in the town you live in- you don’t have to take a plane ride!, how lucky she was to get those bridesmaid dresses in time since you know the same color you got had to be ordered so far in advance, how appreciative you are of taking your suggestions on what makes the perfect dress…
Post # 16
Nona said it perfectly. Let it go…let it all go. It’s not worth stressing over. No two weddings are ever alike no matter the similarities and no guests ever focus on the details. It will all be good and I’m sure both weddings will be lovely. 🙂