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That's really sad. But since you mentioned that you dad also suffered from addiction, then you know that it is a terrible terrible disease.
I commend you and your FI for trying to help her and really hope that she gets clean.
Hopefully you can see that she is not in a healthy mental state and that she probably doesn't even realize how unappropriate her behaviour is.
Wow...this girl is clearly beyond help from the two of you. You and your FI have put up with this long enough. I say good for him for texting that back to her. Crazy!
Seriously? You know what they call girls that provide services for money...
What a dumb beeyatch.
Good for Mr.A. And yeah, clearly she is a desperate and deranged person. Be happy you're not her, and I would leave it alone. I hope she gets the help she needs, but not from the two of you...your FI tried. And clearly, your suspicions about her were true.
Desperate times I guess. Time to cut her off completely and for good.
Yeah. I think it's time to cut ties. You can only help someone who is willing to help themself.
@SoontobeMrsA: wow... just... wow. sounds like it was an automatic response in the hopes of landing some cash. kinda like in the movies where you see the woman saying/doing the same thing for whatever reason (usually to get out of trouble or save someone...).
it sounds like the lady needs more serious help than what either of you could offer. it was great to try to help, but there has to be a line.
sorry you two had to deal with this!
The worst part is I feel bad about the whole thing. Like somehow we failed.
@SoontobeMrsA: You and your FI were so sweet to try to help her, but good for Mr. A to respond the way he did. I feel so sad for her, that she would feel it approprate to say those things. I wish you luck in keeping her out of your lives!
I have a guy friend who has told me several times he's going to kill himself. Each time was when he was on some form of alcohol/drug. I know how you feel because I've been there so many times, but like a PP said, you can't help someone who won't help themselves.
@SoontobeMrsA: Don't be so glum.
Seriously, addicts aren't the only ones that suffer, so do those who know them (you and your FI). Be proud that you guys tried to help and remember that like others have said, you can't help those who don't want to help themselves.
*hugs*
BTW, I just wanted to say that you seem like a great person from some of the posts you have had. I find that a lot of people in this world lack empathy but you don't. Be proud of yourself for that.
@SoontobeMrsA: Don't feel bad - you can only do so much, and the fact that she tried to move in on Mr. A like that was not cool. You have to protect yourselves first, and you don't want someone like that in your life. I know it's hard to see someone self destruct, but it's not your responsibility to save her.
Growing up with an addict made me more sympathetic than most but come on even I have to draw the line.
Asking my man to f you for money?!?!?!
@SoontobeMrsA: maybe that's how she's used to getting money. ala hooker-style? it's impossible to know what type of people she's been around, so maybe she figured what works on Bubba will work on Mr. A?
I'm just so insulted she thinks Mr. A. would want any part of that.
I'm sorry. I work with people who have addictions and it can be really devastating to think you are making progress and then it all falls apart. I had a client who was getting sober who killed somebody a few days later. So, yeah, it sucks.
You still showed someone they are worth carrying about, and that's important.
I work in a place where she probably belongs. Unfortunately, I can't help you considering you're not in Jersey. :(
Just heartbreaking to see someone has no pride.
I'm sorry..that sucks. At least Mr. A did the right thing in telling her in no uncertain terms not to contact him again. Y'all can only do so much...and she definitely crossed a line. I doubt she truly believes Mr. A is that kind of person, I doubt she's really thinking logically at all.
Let's remember she isn't deranged or crazy, her disease is talking. And it sound like she is not in recovery at all. So helping her at this point is pointless. When she is clean, and she need help by all means give it. But until then, pour your time and energy somewhere else.
@SoontobeMrsA: Yeah, it's horrible but quite often it's not until they have reached a point beyond rock bottom that people will find it in them to really do something about their situation. I have worked with people with all kinds of addictions, mental health issues, offenders, name it! And no matter how much you want to help, there is nothing you can do if the person is not participating. AND, for the person, it's easier to fall into behaviors they know and are comfortable with, even if it's crappy, than to put the real effort in change. Change is hard. Harder than staying in your crap.
So.. yeah, I guess you let her spiral out of control. Eventually, she'll be ready to change, or maybe never. It's sad..
@SoontobeMrsA: While addiction is a terrible thing, even if you were to force her to seek help she has to want to help herself. And unfortunately, many people with a problem don't want help.
I think the reason I even give an f about this chick after what she did is she reminds me of my father-lost, addicted and quite possibly close to death. I was unable to help him. I wish I could help her.
@SoontobeMrsA: I think this has stepped over the line, way over the line. This is not the last time she will pull this and it will only continue to escalate from here. It may be time to cut ties with this person. Obviously she is not ready to leave behind an addicts behaviors.
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So I posted http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/oh-your-girlfriend-is-so-lucky-youre-so-nice-sweet-cute-whatever because of the addict my FI was trying to help kick her habit.
She had backed off quite a bit after FI told her that he didn't think her comments were appropriate seeing as how he is getting married, blah blah blah.
So then on Sunday she texts him "Hey, Can you give me $50 bucks?"
He writes back "No, I can't. Why do you need it?"
She replies "My landlord is going to kick me out. I'll do anything. I'll f*** you and any of your friends."
He wrote back "Do not ever text or speak to me ever again." I wanted to rip her a new one but FI said to leave it alone.
Wow. We tried...