Post # 1
I posted a thread last night about my asshole of a biological father leaving me a voicemail implying that my grandmother died when she really didn’t. Well this whole thing has affected me more than I ever thought it would.
Backstory: As I said in the other thread, my bio-dad was an alcoholic so my mom and I left him when I was 12. Unfortunately, in order to get away from him, we also had to leave his side of the family who adored me. I’m an only child and my dads sister never had any children so I meant the world to my grandparents. After my mom put the house on the market, my dad moved back in with his parents (and he never left) which made it really difficult to speak to my grandparents.
After we moved there was ovbiously some tention between us and my dad so I avoided contacting him for years and in turn, totally lost contact with my grandparents. A few years later my grandfather died. I was heartbroken. My grandparents were poor so there wasn’t any kind of service when he passed so my mom didn’t think it was necessary for us to go back. I was so angry at the time but looking back, I think she made the right call to keep me from that.
Well now, after having that little emotional breakdown last night, I’m really missing my grandmother. I can only imagine the pain that she and my grandfather experienced when my mom and I left. None of this was their fault yet they seemed to have suffered the most.
After thinking that my grandmother died last night, I started to really regret losing contact with her. She’s very old (late 80’s/early 90’s) so she doesn’t have much time left. I’m sure she would love to hear from me and I bet she would be thrilled that I’m getting married in 6 months but I dont know if I have it in me to make the call. I have no desire to speak to my father (especially after last night) but since he lives with her, I think thats probably impossible. It’s been so long that I wouldn’t even really know where to start with her (left when I was 12, I’ll be 25 on Tuesday). This would be so much easier if they had internet.
What would you do in my situation?
If you reconnected with a long lost family member, what was the experience like?
Post # 3
Phone her. Call block the call so if your dad picks up you can just hang up and he won’t know who called. If she answers, speak with her.
Just tell her that all this wedding planning has made you think of family and all the time you have missed with her. Once you start talking it will be easier.
Post # 4
Call her! It sounds like you may not have much time left to make this call and it also sounds like you will always regret not speaking to her.
Post # 5
Oh Cait. My parents are divorced too and my dad is a major toolbag. I have a great relationship with his mom and sisters though. They always treated us like gold.
How does your mom feel about this?
I say go for it. It sounds like you’ll really regret it if you don’t.
Post # 6
@SoontobeMrsA: I haven’t talked to my mom about it but I’m sure she would support whatever I decided to do.
Post # 7
Another toolbag dad here. And trust me, call her. I didn’t get that opportunity and now it’s too late for my grandparents.
And smart idea to block the caller id when you call, whatever money it costs to do that is totally worth it should you need to hang up quickly.
Good luck and know you aren’t the only one to go through this. All us ‘bees wish you luck & send hugs!
Post # 8
I bet your grandmother has been waiting to hear from you. I second PP’s suggestion of blocking the number.
Post # 9
I agree, you should definitely call her. even though your dad is a major dickhead, that doesn’t mean that she should not be able to have contact with you.
Post # 10
Call her, even if it means having to go through your dad, and it probably will. Speaking to her and getting that one last chance to talk to her will mean more to her and you than you will ever know. You have the rest of your life to avoid your father, but only a short time to show your love for her. Trust me, you will regret not speaking to her if something happens to her and you didn’t take the opportunity.
Post # 11
I’m so sorry Honey. <33 Sounds like you’re a great granddaughter 🙂
That being said…. F**k your father and call. Don’t let him know he gets under your skin. If he answers the phone just ask to speak to your grandmother. It’ll be hard but worth it in the end. You’ll feel 100 times better after talking to your grandmother and if your dad starts anything just hang up.
You’re strong!! Go for it!! I’ll be here cheering you on “Go CaitMarae, GO CaitMarae, GO!”
Post # 12
Sorry sweetness. I also have a toolbag dad (why are there so many of them out there? Geez!). I didn’t get to know my grandmother until shortly before she died and I always wish I’d had more time with her. I do cherish the memories I do have. You will very much regret it if you don’t do it while you can. Call her. Don’t let your dad take that away from you.
Post # 13
Im drving home yesterday and it hits me. Have your FI call for you. That way he can just call and ask for her and then once she gets on the phone he can give it to you.
If your dad answers, he can say he is calling from somewhere else or if you think it’d work he can say he’s your fiance.
Post # 14
I’m sorry sorry you’re in this situation. I agree that you should at least try to reach out to your grandmother. She will probably be so happy to hear from you.
@SoontobeMrsA: I think this is a good suggestion. It eliminates the risk of your father recognizing your voice and getting any nasty words in edgewise. Whatever you decide to do though, I hope it works out.
Post # 15
I agree with everyone who says to call! I also had a grandmother that lived out of town when I was in college but I wanted to keep in touch so we used good ole snail mail and she loved it. She passed away last year and I am so thankful I wrote to her. Even just a hello means a lot.
Post # 16
@SoontobeMrsA: Thats a great idea! Thanks!