Post # 1
Here’s the original post:
I met with my mom the other day and we discussed this. A few things she told me:
-She already INVITED them. She said she was just excited and did it without thinking
-She thinks of his kids as HER (not mine) family
-She thinks that if his kids are not invited it would put a strain on THEIR relationship (meaning her and her boyfriend’s).
Then she proceeded to tell me that she doesn’t want me to invite my ex-stepdad (he raised me, he has known me since I was 3) because it would be “weird” if he was there while she was enjoying a mexican vacation with her boyfriend.
I told her that I want zero stress and drama and I would give her an invitation with a time and a place and that’s all she needs to worry about and she said “oh that’s silly, you don’t need invitations”.
Help bees. She took total control over my first wedding but I let her because she was paying for it. I’m 34 now, we’re paying for it ourselves and she is already making it all about her.
I HATE DRAMA!!!
Post # 3
@Penelopeee: First, you’re inviting your Step Dad (Mom’s old Husband) becasue he’s family, you want him their, and it’s YOUR wedding.
Second, her brother’s children are NOT invited. If she invited them, she can uninvite them.
Stand your ground. This wedding isn’t all about her at all. It’s about you and what you choose to do.
Post # 4
Post # 6
Tell her to butt out. Seriously. Uninvite the kids, invite your stepdad, and tell her to suck it up. She’ll get over it eventually, she has to. I hate how weddings do this to people. tell her you are having X amount at your wedding, no more and please do not invite anyone to YOUR event. Good luck!
she’ll probably moan about having to uninvite the kids because it’ll make her ‘look bad’. Just flat out say you don’t want them there, it was her mistake, not yours.
Post # 7
Address the invititaions to the people you as the host want to invite. If people get their undies in a bunch over you not inviting them then they can have their own wedding and choose who to invite. I would keep mom on a need to know basis is she acted like that.
Stick to your guns, this is your wedding.
Post # 8
i agree with all the pps. do it your way! i think the way you want to do it makes the most sense (and i would do the same!).. good luck!
Post # 9
thanks everyone for the kind words so far. She is a master at guilt trips. She says she wants to invite his daughters because she has gotten very close to one of them and she feels bad because their mom isn’t in the picture (the daughter is 21 and lives with them). So if I do what was suggested and hold my ground she will blame me for 2 things:
1. I am intentionally causing problems with her and her boyfriend’s relationship
2. I am a heartless selfish bitch to not include the daughter that she is close with as she thinks of her as “family”
Post # 10
@Penelopeee: You tell her it was not her place to invite people to YOUR wedding and you are sorry she feels that way but this is your wedding and your money and your guest list is off limits.
Post # 11
Post # 12
@Penelopeee: she’ll call you a heartless selfish bitch? Really? You need to tell HER that SHE is a heartless selfish bitch before she even gets the chance.
This is HER issue. She F’d up. Do Not let her walk all over you, you are an adult and need to stick up for yourself. Mother or not. Tell her she’s being a Mumzilla. Lol
Post # 13
Nothing new to add here, echoing what others have said. Please don’t let your mom control this wedding like she did your first one. You want to look back on your wedding day happy with the decisions that you made. Firmly let her know that you and your fiance have put together the guest list that YOU want for YOUR intimate wedding, and that it includes your stepdad and doesn’t include grown kids that you barely speak with.
How your mom reacts is up to her – she controls her own emotions. So she’ll either understand that you and your fiance are making the right decisions for the two of you (doesn’t sound likely), or she’ll see it as you trying to ruin the relationship that she has with her boyfriend and his kids. Either way, it’s not up to you to manage that relationship. That’s up to her. It’s also not up to you to manage her reaction and her emotions.
Just my two cents.
Post # 14
I am curious…do you think the bfs children want to actually go to the wedding, or they want to go to Mexico? Because, no offence to you, but if you dont really know them why the hell would they want to go to your wedding?
Post # 15
@Penelopeee: BOO HOO A GROWN WOMAN MISSES HER MOM AND HAS TO BE INVITED TO YOUR WEDDING!!
yeah my stance is clear. Do what YOU want for YOUR wedding.
Post # 16
Shit. Your mom is nuts. This is your wedding. That you are paying for. It’s not about her or what the fuck she wants. Tell her your ex stepdad is going to be invited because he’s important to you. Her boyfriends kids are not going to be there because they are not important to you. She can piss up a rope.