Post # 1
So I need an annulment (FI is catholic, I am not) which I am NOT happy about but that doesn’t change the outcome so I won’t focus on that : )
We can’t start wedding planning/pre-cana until I recieve the annulment (and that can take up to 1 year to get).
I am officially “old” this year (35) and we want kids.
What should we do?
Post # 3
Are you legally still married? Talk to a lawyer about divorce/annulment proceedings.
Post # 4
@peachacid: No I have been civily divorced for over 4 years. It’s a catholic annulment I need to get.
Post # 5
What does your FH think about it all?
Post # 6
@Penelopeee: are you even able to get a catholic annulment? I don’t know much about it but 1. it wasn’t a Catholic wedding/you aren’t catholic and 2. I think there’s pretty specific things needed to qualify for an annulment, and most regular divorce reasons don’t count….? ETA: as in, you have to prove it was a valid marriage?
Sorry, not trying to be rude.
Post # 7
@loving_life: Not rude at all! I don’t think getting granted the annulment eventually will be an issue (spoke to the church already about this). Also, as far as getting married in the church I am a baptized christian already (methodist) and was planning on converting.
The hangup is my stupid age since we want to have kids. I still look and feel like I’m 25. Why can’t biology work in my favor!!!!
Post # 8
I would talk to your fiance and priest. Figure out if having children before marriage is a deal breaker and how important it is for him to get married in the church. Then I would start the annulment process and see how long it takes while you pick a date.
Your profile says wedding in Mexico– will your catholic church allow that? I know mine wouldn’t unless it was in a catholic church in Mexico. If you want a destination wedding, go for it now and get an annulment and a convalidation when you get back. It is easy.
Post # 9
So you need to get an annulment because you were previously married to a Catholic? Were you married in a Catholic church? I bet it varies wildly by diocese, but both my FI and I have to get annulments and they’re not supposed to take longer than a month.
My FI is Catholic and married a non-Catholic outside of a Catholic Church. I am not Catholic and married a Catholic outside of a church. So it’s considered in both cases “improper form” and takes considerably less time. If we had to go through the year long process, I think we’d be going for a convalidation rather than the marriage in the church. I’m 34 and want kids, too.
Post # 10
My father just had to go through this and it took two years to go through because my step-mom was very set about getting married Catholic.
My advice to you is that if you WANT to get married in a Catholic Church, you will be a sitting duck. The diocese usually aren’t ‘quick’ on the annulment..(at least in my diocese, may be different with yours), and it took repeated hounding from my step-mom to get it in the two year mark. Just don’t get yourself into a hole where you are planning a wedding and paying money and then find out that the church won’t annul a marriage by then.
Post # 11
I would not get married in a catholic church in that case. To be honest, the whole annulment thing doesn’t sit right with me. Unless you were forced to marry someone or there was some sort of abuse, I don’t think the catholic church should grant annulments. Sorry, I know that last part was not really answering your question and my examples weren’t meant towards you- don’t know your situation! I hope for your sake if you decide to wait for the annulment, you’re not waiting too long. Good luck!
Post # 12
I’m going through pre-cana right now, and to be honest if I were in your shoes, I would bypass the traditional catholic wedding and do something special and spiritual elsewhere. If you believe, you’ll always be loved no matter where you are.
Post # 13
I would call the chancellory/curia offices of your diocese and talk to someone who deals with annulments all day rather than just the parish priest (assuming you haven’t done that already). I would think since you weren’t previously married in the Catholic Church that an annulment would not be that big of a deal. However, Catholics take marriage very seriously so a lot of the processes are very thorough.
Good luck! I hope it works for you and you can find some helpful people in your diocese to get you to the altar!
Post # 14
only you can decide. I’m in a similar boat.
pray about it. and you’ll know the answer
Post # 15
@Penelopeee: My FI is catholic and so am I. He was married previously in the catholic church and mid last year he applied for annulment right through our local Catholic tribunal (didn’t go to the priest).
To obtain an annulment you are looking at 2-3 years now. They are backed up.
It took 8 months for him to be contacted for an initial interview, he was just recently asked to provide 3 witness information and those witnesses will get contacted to voice their opinions on his previous marriage. It takes a year from now…. putting us at around 2 years mark. Then once and IF annulment is granted, it has to be granted again by another Archbishop.
Once that gets granted then you finally get the nullity of marriage, which then allows you to start your classes. But these are not pre cana classes that you take before first wedding. These are different and more difficult. They really want to make sure that you don’t make the same mistake twice.
So add another several months of that.
FI and I decided to get married at the same place as our reception by a Revrend from Anglican Church. It will be a religious ceremony.
Once and IF annulment is granted and all, we are thinking of doing a very very small wedding ceremony at a catholic church as part of our 5th year anniversary (no reception… maybe dinner after only at a restaurant).
BTW, it also custs aprox 1,600 canadian dollars. They ask you to donate the money so you have a choice, but heard that if you don’t “donate” your case might take longer as it won’t be a prority.
They don’t ask for all the money upfront, but 400 to start.
So If age is your issue, just get married the same way we are and deal with this as you go.
Post # 16
my friend who is Presbyterian married a Catholic in a Catholic church last summer, she was not required to convert although neither was ever married previously.