Post # 1
Does anyone else’s family have weird (no fun!) rules about weddings that are affecting your planning? Mine has what I assume are very old New England attitudes about things, such as:
- Engagements should be short (1 year or less). No engagement announcements, engagement parties or engagement pics.
- No STD cards or wedding websites.
- Very plain wedding invitations (white cards with simple black type, or maybe ivory cards with brown ink as a radical departure).
I’m fine with the first two, since FI and I want to keep things simple anyway, but I’m a graphic designer and the invitation thing is bumming me out. I did these invitations, with a nod to keeping it simple, and my mom wrinkled up her nose like she smelled a turd when I showed them to her. Really? This is too over-the-top?! Now I either have to tone them down still further or live with the knowledge that she hates our invites.
What odd rules does your family have, and how are you dealing with them?
Post # 3
My man really wants red to be one of our colors, but my mom keeps insisting that that’s “too stark.” Also, according to her, I don’t really want all my friends there. I’d much rather have a small wedding. And there’s no way that I know what sort of centerpieces I’d like to have. And I definitely want a sit-down, drawn out dinner.
I finally told her that it’s my wedding, and she already had a chance to plan hers. And while I appreciate her input, the final decisions are still mine (and my fiance’s).
Post # 4
My parents have been pretty okay with whatever I want. So, I always tend to approach these issues like “is anyone going to die? No. Then I’m doing what I want.”
Granted, for some things, like guest lists, etc., I know a lot of people want input. But invitations? Heck no! That’s where your personality can shine! Time to start some new traditions and break out of the fuddy duddy! And if your mom pitches a fit, just ask her to pick her battles – if she wants you to give in on this, she may find down the road that there’s something she has to give up.
Post # 5
Aww, I like your invites. I hope you can come to a peaceful resolution on that!
(Some of) FI’s family are strictly anti-alcohol for religious reasons. Even when FFIL’s doctor told him to have a small glass of wine at night for his heart, FMIL thought he was on his way to becoming an alcoholic and quickly put a stop to that. The possibility that we would have alcohol at our wedding was never even really an option. Oh, well, cheaper for us at least?
Post # 6
i agree with goldilocks, break out and do your own thing! is it really going to bother you that your mom doesnt like the invites? if it does, then you might want to think of another option, but if that is your thing, and you are really looking foward to having cool invitations, I say go for it! and remind yourself at the end of the day WHY she doesnt like them…personal choice!
amaryllis, my FI’s family is (for the most part) non drinkers, but we both thought it was important to the both of us to keep the drinks flowing for the large majority of our guests who will be enjoying drinks! (heck I had one of my good friends JOKINGLY tell me that she wasnt coming if it isnt open bar! HAHAHA)
Its crazy how the everyone gets so caught up into minor details about the day! I say do you…you want to know that after your wedding is over you did EXACTLY what you wanted for your special day….no regrets!! 🙂
Post # 7
Yes, but they are your invites. And as you said, you are a graphic designer. You know best that simple can be sleek and chic and awesome, like your invite. Simple doesn’t mean boring.
Thank your mother for her input, then do what you want. Tell her you love her and you know she thinks it’s “weird” but it’s a representation of you (the daughter she raised) and your style. Let her know that you’re not planning on other major departures from the norm, so a few personal touches are your way of making the process special to you.
If she’s paying she may get more say, but really, 1 year after the wedding, will the ink color and pattern on the invite matter to her? Or will it matter that her daughter was happy that she got to use her skills and talents and is married to a wonderful person?