(Closed) Fun Poll: Premarital counseling

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Did you work (Are you working) on communication and take premarital counseling seriously?
    Yes. It is/was awesome and we are still using the skills : (26 votes)
    37 %
    We took it seriously but forgot everything afterwards...no effect. : (5 votes)
    7 %
    It (is)was really useless stuff (at least to us) : (6 votes)
    9 %
    No but we should have (or should be). : (4 votes)
    6 %
    We used some good books (name below). : (3 votes)
    4 %
    We didn't do any counseling or use any books...we're winging it. : (26 votes)
    37 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My hubby and I did.  Our pastor did a great job with the counseling and really opened our eyes to some things that we had been completely oblivious to prior.  I’m glad we took it and we are definitely still using it!  🙂

    Post # 5
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    We did premarital counseling. I think one of the big things we took home was that it’s okay to be angry, and it’s okay to take time apart to think things through. We learned a lot about fighting fairly too.

    Another thing that premarital did was open us up to a lot of little things that don’t merit fights, but still bug us. We talked about splitting holidays, who’s family recipe for what food (ex. his family’s chili, my family’s spaghetti), and things like chore lists. We even talked about little, irritating things, like rolling vs. squeezing the toothpaste tube, and whether or not the dishwasher should have clean or dirty dishes in it more often.

    It was really helpful for us, because they weren’t things we thought about on a regular basis. We didn’t live together yet either, so it was great to start out on the right foot, having already discussed these points.

    Post # 6
    Member
    767 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We haven’t done any premarital counseling yet, and I’m not sure we’ll so anything official. We’re not religious, so there’s no requirements or religious leaders who offer it. A while ago I bought the book “1001 Questions to Ask before you get married.” Some of the book was things we had already discussed, but there were some new things that we talked about. We have been very open about our expectations about the future, so I’m hoping that between my “what-if-ing” and this book that we’ve talked about a lot of potential issues.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1801 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    We had 4 required meetings with our pastor to do some premarital counseling.  We didn’t have any books, but we did have some questionairres to do seperately, then talk over our answers.  Those surveys were acutally great because they got us talking about a lot of things we’d never openly discussed before.  We both think that helped us a lot, and we would have never gotten to them without the counseling.  However, the overall counseling wasn’t so much of a help for us.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2496 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    We’re doing it now and the most helpful parts have been talking about expectations and family dynamics.  Our families are pretty different, and we’re pretty different in a lot of areas, so it’s been helpful to figure out how to address the differences and understand why we approach certain things the way we do because of our upbringing.

    Most of the stuff we’ve talked about, we already have a pretty good handle on, but it’s nice to have an objective 3rd party weigh in and give some advice.  Plus, our pastor is fun and a good friend, so it’s a good excuse to hang out with him once a month!

    Post # 11
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We did the PREPARE-ENRICH survey online (it’s 150+ questions) and then went over the answers with a professional couples therapist.  It brought up a lot of good issues, and I’m glad we got them taken care of before they turned into something catastrophic!

    Post # 13
    Member
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    We’re not religious, so we won’t be obligated to by a church, but honestly, I don’t imagine we will do so, anyway. I know that sounds rather pretentious, but SO and I are VERY open with one another about things. We don’t let fights escalate to name-calling levels, ever, and are always respectful to one another even when we do have disagreements. We have also gone over (multiple times) the “big” questions that can be very destructive to a relationship if you aren’t on the same page: ie. religion, kids, money, family…etc. I’m sure there are things we have yet to encounter, but I believe that we would be able to handle the situation maturely and respectfully….I hope! 🙂

    I can see how it would be a great tool for some couples, though and am all for it!

    Post # 14
    Member
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m in the middle of reading “Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married” by Gary Chapman and am finding it very useful. My church requires a four week class and four councilling sessions before they will marry us. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    We had to do 3 hours of pre-marital counseling through our church for them to be willing to marry us.  Otherwise I don’t hink we would have done anything.

    Honestly – I really didn’t get much (if anything) out of our counseling session.  DH and I had already discussed all the major (and the minor for that matter) topics at length on multiple occasions before even getting engaged.  We already planned (and had been implementing) how we would divide household tasks, how we’d handle money/bills/etc.  Plus – both of our sets of parents set a great example for us to follow.  Our counselor even said that we were one of the most “prepared” couples he’d seen in a long while and that’d we’d already throughly covered everything and more on our own that he would typically discuss with engaged couples.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3525 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    We’re winging it, though we’re totally open to marital counseling if it becomes necessary. In our relationship, we live by a few principles:

    1) Be honest and open, but kind

    2) Remember to have fun

    3) Remember to love each other

    In the 2 1/2 years we’ve been together, we have not had a single major fight. We take time to cool off if we’re angry and are careful to word things in a way that are honest but not hurtful. I think marriages tend to fail because the couple simply isn’t compatible…or they don’t remember to treat each other with love and respect as they work through their differences. Remembering to be kind is key.

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