(Closed) Fun vacation vs. ring money?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Thats a tricky place to be in, I personally would ask about taking a smaller trip and getting engaged sooner rather than later

Post # 4
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@boardersarita:  It sounds like he wants to take a vacation because his paid internship ends before he starts his new job.  I don’t think it’s appropriate to tell him or even kind of hint that you’d rather not take a vacation so he can save money for a ring.  This may be the only time for a while that he can take this vacation.  That’s kind of unfair because you want your ring sooner to tell him he might have to wait for his vacation for another time, not knowing when that will be? 

While it may be in your mind that you want to get engaged by a certain time, he might have a different timeline.  If he’s starting a new job in his career, he may want to wait a while before getting engaged because it can all be overwhelming if it all happens at once.  That (ie, the timeline) may be something you want to discuss, but don’t bring up the vacation in that discussion b/c those are 2 separate discussions.

Post # 5
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

 I think @futuremrsk18:  makes a really good point. He might just need a break from everything. If he is starting his job soon, then funds will be on the way after that. Maybe you should enjoy having him to yourself for that week and makes some wonderful tropical memories. Show him that the two of you are perfect while on the vacation. Make him believe that it doesn’t get better than you. 🙂 Then he’ll come to the conclusion on his own that he needs you and will act upon that.

Post # 6
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

I’d be upset that he’d prefer to go on a vacation than propose to me especially if he was already tight with money.I think personally I would talk to him about it and see what kind of a timeline he has in mind. How old are you , how long have you been together?

Post # 9
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@boardersarita:  You need to calm down and breathe for a minute. It’s sounding like this is starting to make you neurotic, and that’s not a good look for anyone. (I’ve seen it in the mirror enough times to know!)

What about camping? Do you think he would agree to a camping road trip? Camping, if you do it old school with a tent and don’t rent an RV or a luxury cabin, costs next to nothing. You can probably get tents on sale right now at Bass Pro, and sleeping bags/air mattresses will come in under $100.

Or what about a cruise? Cruises can also be pretty cheap, if you do them right and depending on where you live.

Las Vegas could be another option, as long as you set only a small gambling allowance beforehand. There are a lot of good shows and things there, and you wouldn’t have to pay as much for airfare as you would for Hawaii.

If he insists on flying over oceans, would it be possible to do the backpack around Europe thing? I haven’t heard of anyone having done this recently, but when I was in my early 20s a friend did this. They stayed in hostels and ate cheaply, and aside from airfare it was really reasonable.

Post # 11
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@boardersarita:  I think I was writing my post as you were writing your update. I really hope he was kidding with the “more fun” remark. If not, that’s mean, and you two definitely have some talking to do. Let us know what happens!

Post # 12
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

The fun remark would upset me too. But I think you might be having a bad day, and he let the pressure get to him. He might want to marry you and think you are The One, but he wants to do it on his terms. Sure, you should both agree on a general timeline, but it kind of sounds like you want to tell him exactly when to do. What if he just doesn’t feel ready right now? It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and won’t marry you, it just means certain things have to happen for him before he feels ready. And if that sounds like BS, I actually did a research paper on this lol There is in fact research out there that says that it’s not age or length of relationships (though those things are important too) but mostly marriage readiness that influences when people get married. Marriage readiness is mostly achieved through various events. For some people it’s finishing school, for others it’s getting a job, but it could also be a million other things. I don’t thinks it’s fair of you to judge him on his readiness, just because you’ve already achieved yours. It’s like having an “a-ha!” moment. You can’t force it, and some people just need more time. You have to wait for things to “click.”

Also, and this just cosmo and chic flick advice (lol), let him come to you. Make him want it. Do what pp said and go on that vacation and show him that he shouldn’t and couldn’t be with anyone else because you’re the best thing that ever happened to him. 

And lastly, there’s no such thing as a cheap Hawaiian vacation lol That’s why I’m saving it for my honeymoon (however far away that is lol) so I could splurge as much as I want on it. 

Post # 13
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think you should just talk to him about it. Ask him what his timeline looks like and if the vacation will change that. 

Post # 15
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Kat_Kit2000:  SO true. Excellent post. My man is one of these people aka “Still looking for his stray ducks” LOL

 

@boardersarita:   I think though, you should go on the vacation. Ultimately, you guys are together because you love each other and want to spend time with one another. A trip is the perfect time to get to do that without the business and craziness of day to day life. I know it’s hard to wait (TRUST ME – Seven years for this girl) but it’ll be sooo worth it when it happens. You just need to sit back and focus on the reasons you guys are together and focus on just enjoying his company. A trip would help him relax, help you relax – maybe you guys will have a good conversation on the trip? Who knows. Hang in there though. I know what it’s like to go a little wedding crazy, I have my moments and probably will have more before I get engaged one day!!

Post # 16
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

We may as well be twins! My SO is planning a suprise destination vacation for us in Oct. I want so badly to be excited and enjoy the trip, but in the back of my mind I know he can’t afford this trip and a ring. He’s 34, I’m 27, been together 3.5years, living together almost 2… So pretty similar to you!

Its driving me nuts! The worst part is everyone is convinced hell propose on this trip, but I’m almost positive he won’t. It’s a constant reminder that it’s not going to happen! I’m dreading returning from the trip w no ring, I’m going to be so disappointed and embarrassed!

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