this actually happened to my new husbands BIL for our wedding. his grandmother passed away a few days before our wedding and the funeral was the day of our wedding. he missed our rehearsal dinner to go to the calling hours and went to the funeral instead of coming the the wedding then made a brief appearance for about the last 2 hours of our reception. granted it was different, it was a family member, not a friend, so we completely understood
I say attend the funeral and the reception after. It will be the last time you can say "goodbye" to someone who's died but you can always see you married friends again
Something similar actually happened to us -- I was a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding, and my husband's grandfather passed away a few days before. The funeral ended up scheduled for the morning of the wedding, but the two events were halfway across the country from each other, so we had to either pick one or the other or split up so that he could go to the funeral and I go to the wedding. His family encouraged us both to go to the wedding, saying that his grandfather would have wanted us to be celebrating our friends rather than mourning him. So we ended up going to the wedding and quietly toasting his memory. It was a tough decision, but I think it was the right one for us in the end.
If they were close by, I would go to the funeral and then the reception. If that wasn't possible, I'd go to the calling hours for the funeral and then the wedding. If that wasn't possible, I'd be torn. It would depend on howmuch I needed to say goodbye and support B's family vs. celebrate with A.
Wow, that would be horrible.
I would probably go to a viewing at the funeral home and then to the wedding. If there was no viewing, I'd probably make an appearance at the funeral service and then go to the wedding reception.
Talk about an emotional day. Reminds me of when my grandfather died the same week I graduated from high school. My party was, like, the day before the funeral. People would come up to me with cards and smiles and hug me and say "congratulations!" and then give me a sad face and say "I'm so sorry about your grandfather."
It was horrible.
If my friend died, I wouldn't be in any mood to celebrate someone's wedding. I would be hurting for my friend.
@cerenatee: I was thinkin along these lines, too. I if I was close the person who died, I would have trouble putting on a happy face for the wedding. I doubt my friend getting married would want me bursting into tears randomly throughout the night.
I might be able to swing the wedding if it was expected (long illness, sick & elderly, etc.), and it was more of a casual friend - but someone close to me? I'd want to try to do both, but probably be better off skipping the wedding.
Personally, I hate funerals. This person who I loved isnt in the casket, just a body is. I want to remember the happy times not a funeral. So I would go to the wedding.
The wedding. I don't attend a funeral unless my absence will result in WWIII. I don;t deal well with grief in a public forum. I say my peace in private, thanks.
Honestly, the dead will neither know nor care if you are not there. But the friend who is still alive.... she'll know and she'll care that you were not there.
I voted funeral then wedding. But if I had to pick only one, I'd go to the wedding. I do not have to be at a funeral to mourn my friend, and I will certainly not forget them after that day. But unfortunately, going to the funeral does not change anything with that friend who has passed. I would celebrate with my friend who is still here and getting married.
I'd do funeral and then reception party for the wedding. To me the boring part at a wedding is the ceremony so I would not mind skipping that. The bride and groom probably wouldn't even notice your absence, but you do have a good excuse so I would tell them my plan. The RSVP matters for the reception only usually, and that's the fun thing so I would definitely not want to miss that.
This actually happened to me in 2008! My grandma had passed away and the funeral was set for the following Saturday and I had months before said yes to be in my friends wedding. I went to the funeral in the morning and left immediately after to get to church then the reception. My family members that were invited attending the entire funeral then came to the reception later that evening. It's an unfortunate situation but you should try to make the best of both.
I would go to the wedding, its not like the deceased is going to know....and as harsh as that sounds, I have my own ways of saying goodbye to someone.
I would definately chose to go to the funeral and the wedding reception.
The only exception I would make is if I was actually part of the wedding.
@AussieSummer: I would attend the funeral.
The couple getting married can always be congratulated and the marriage celebrated, at a later date. They are living, and you still have time to spend with them.
The deceased friend is gone, and paying your respects at the funeral is something that you can't do at a later date. Funerals don't often have photographers, or videographers, which can be looked at later and still give you the feeling of paying your respects. Weddings have photos and videos you can always see another time.
Also, i'm sure if it was reversed, your friend would want you to attend the funeral.
@lovekiss: A friend that is so selfish she can't understand why you would need to go to another friend's funeral instead of her wedding, isn't a friend.
I don't know anyone that would truly care if I couldn't make their wedding due to another friend's funeral.
@chickiebee: Your post implies you wouldn't have been understanding if it had just been a friend's funeral instead of a family memeber's, is that correct?
I think a funeral is a funeral, as long as you were involved in the person's life and cared for them, that is where your responsibilities lie for attendance.
I would attend the funeral. If someone dies suddenly, I'm going to be devastated, upset, and traumatized. I would want to say goodbye to my friend, and I would be the biggest Debbie Downer at the wedding if I went. A good friend would understand if you missed the wedding for a funeral.
@drummerbride: no, I didn't mean that at all. I mistyped and apologize for that. I meant to say "and we completely understood"
my apologies!!!! We would never have made anyone choose. We felt horrible that he had to make the choice between the 2 events and told him not to even worry about the wedding that his family came first, and would have said the same if had been a friend. As someone else posted, the joys of a wedding can be celebrated long after a wedding, you only get 1 chance to say goodbye. Again, I apologize for my mistype
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Say you have two friends who you are equally as close to but they do not know each other. You have RSVP'd yes months ago to Friend A's wedding which is a 9 days away.
Unexpectadly, friend B dies. The funeral and the wedding ceremony are planned for the same day, same starting time and same duration of time.
Which would you attend and why?
Note- This is just hypothetical, just curious as to your opinion.