Funeral and Wedding on same day? Which would you go to?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
  • poll: I would attend..
    The wedding ceremony : (30 votes)
    14 %
    The funeral : (38 votes)
    18 %
    I would attend the funeral then attend the reception after : (138 votes)
    66 %
    Other : (3 votes)
    1 %
  • Member
    261 posts
    Helper bee

    this actually happened to my new husbands BIL for our wedding. his grandmother passed away a few days before our wedding and the funeral was the day of our wedding. he missed our rehearsal dinner to go to the calling hours and went to the funeral instead of coming the the wedding then made a brief appearance for about the last 2 hours of our reception. granted it was different, it was a family member, not a friend, so we completely understood

    Member
    3426 posts
    Sugar bee

    I say attend the funeral and the reception after.  It will be the last time you can say “goodbye” to someone who’s died but you can always see you married friends again

    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee

    Something similar actually happened to us — I was a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding, and my husband’s grandfather passed away a few days before. The funeral ended up scheduled for the morning of the wedding, but the two events were halfway across the country from each other, so we had to either pick one or the other or split up so that he could go to the funeral and I go to the wedding. His family encouraged us both to go to the wedding, saying that his grandfather would have wanted us to be celebrating our friends rather than mourning him. So we ended up going to the wedding and quietly toasting his memory. It was a tough decision, but I think it was the right one for us in the end.

    Member
    2038 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If they were close by, I would go to the funeral and then the reception. If that wasn’t possible, I’d go to the calling hours for the funeral and then the wedding. If that wasn’t possible, I’d be torn. It would depend on howmuch I needed to say goodbye and support B’s family vs. celebrate with A.

    Member
    1485 posts
    Bumble bee

    Wow, that would be horrible.

    I would probably go to a viewing at the funeral home and then to the wedding. If there was no viewing, I’d probably make an appearance at the funeral service and then go to the wedding reception.

    Talk about an emotional day. Reminds me of when my grandfather died the same week I graduated from high school. My party was, like, the day before the funeral. People would come up to me with cards and smiles and hug me and say “congratulations!” and then give me a sad face and say “I’m so sorry about your grandfather.” 

    It was horrible.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Member
    433 posts
    Helper bee

    If my friend died, I wouldn’t be in any mood to celebrate someone’s wedding. I would be hurting for my friend.

    Member
    1907 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @cerenatee:  I was thinkin along these lines, too. I if I was close the person who died, I would have trouble putting on a happy face for the wedding. I doubt my friend getting married would want me bursting into tears randomly throughout the night.

    I might be able to swing the wedding if it was expected (long illness, sick & elderly, etc.), and it was more of a casual friend – but someone close to me? I’d want to try to do both, but probably be better off skipping the wedding.

    Member
    4974 posts
    Honey bee

    Personally, I hate funerals. This person who I loved isnt in the casket, just a body is. I want to remember the happy times not a funeral. So I would go to the wedding. 

    Member
    5775 posts
    Bee Keeper

    The wedding. I don’t attend a funeral unless my absence will result in WWIII. I don;t deal well with grief in a public forum.  I say my peace in private, thanks.

    Honestly, the dead will neither know nor care if you are not there. But the friend who is still alive…. she’ll know and she’ll care that you were not there.

    Member
    9081 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I voted funeral then wedding.  But if I had to pick only one, I’d go to the wedding.  I do not have to be at a funeral to mourn my friend, and I will certainly not forget them after that day.  But unfortunately, going to the funeral does not change anything with that friend who has passed.  I would celebrate with my friend who is still here and getting married.

    Member
    10748 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I’d do funeral and then reception party for the wedding. To me the boring part at a wedding is the ceremony so I would not mind skipping that. The bride and groom probably wouldn’t even notice your absence, but you do have a good excuse so I would tell them my plan. The RSVP matters for the reception only usually, and that’s the fun thing so I would definitely not want to miss that. 

    Member
    238 posts
    Helper bee
    • m33
    • 1 year ago

    This actually happened to me in 2008! My grandma had passed away and the funeral was set for the following Saturday and I had months before said yes to be in my friends wedding. I went to the funeral in the morning and left immediately after to get to church then the reception. My family members that were invited attending the entire funeral then came to the reception later that evening. It’s an unfortunate situation but you should try to make the best of both. 

    Member
    5755 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would go to the wedding, its not like the deceased is going to know….and as harsh as that sounds, I have my own ways of saying goodbye to someone.

    Member
    403 posts
    Helper bee

    I would definately chose to go to the funeral and the wedding reception.

    The only exception I would make is if I was actually part of the wedding.

     

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