Furious…groomsman set wedding date 6 days before ours.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

@FutureMrsT1221:  

This is honestly just a VENT! I haven’t even picked my mouth up off the floor yet. one of my future husband’s groomsmen just got engaged last week. We are friends with this couple and absolutely love hanging out with them. The groomsman and my FH have a long history back to like 4th grade, while his new fiancé and I are more like acquaintances and we go on double dates together. 

WELL. 

we have had our date, September 26, set for months and they know it. The groomsman textes my husband today to ASK when our date is? Like he didn’t know. And then said basically whoops just put a deposit on our reception venue for September 20……… 

…..

They’ve been engaged a week. Ok. So now they will not even be at our wedding because presumably they will be on their honeymoon, and he will no longer be in our wedding party, I guess. On top of that we have lots of mutual friends who will now be coming to our weddings six days apart!!! Ugh!!!! I’m just so mad right now! What a jerk move. 

I don’t even know what to say to them when we next see them


Okay, in relation to the above…has your fiance spoken to him about this or are you just assuming this is what will happen?  You get one day, not the entire month for your wedding.  Yes, it sucks, but who knows why they chose that particular date…

Yes, he agreed to be in your wedding, but he doesn’t have to put his life on hold for it.  Who says they aren’t going to postpone their honeymoon?  Lots of people go a few weeks or even months after their wedding.  A conversation needs to happen first before there’s an epic meltdown.

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Are you guys geographically close, or do people have to travel? That really blows if you have guests who are going to have to choose between your weddings!

Post # 6
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

oh poo poo on the “you get one day” bullshit. It was rude and they knew what they were doing when they booked the venue. End of story.

Post # 7
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@FutureMrsT1221:  i’m sure they didn’t do it out of spite.  maybe it was the only available day for the venue.  it will all work itself out.

Post # 8
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Maybe the guy didn’t want to be in your wedding party and this was one way of getting out of it?  Or maybe the date his fiancee chose was special to her/them? 

Is it inconsiderate?  Well, not compared to the fact that he could’ve booked his wedding the same day as yours and then your mutual friends would’ve had to decide whose wedding to go to.  So, consider yourselves lucky that it’s not the same day. 

Post # 9
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

They might not be taking a honeymoon right away, it is fairly common nowadays to wait a little bit.  Maybe it was their only option for all family to be able to attend?  Maybe September is a month she has been dreaming of forever, and they don’t want to wait another year?  Maybe there were just being annoying about it, but until you find out the facts, you don’t know why they set that date.  

I know of many people who have weddings back to back weekends, and it really isn’t that big of a deal, especially when you live so close.  Now if they are planning a destination wedding a week beforehand, yeah, that would suck.

Post # 10
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

Do you really think they were out to get you and sabotage your special day? Do you think they are the tpye of friends to ruin your wedding day? 

Highly doubt it. 

So, I’d say, just get over it, and be happy for them.  like PP said, you and your FI need to have a conversation with them to see where he stands being in your wedding and set your mind at ease before going all epic on the situation.

September is a popular month for weddings, espeically Saturdays. That’s probably the only saturday available that month so they took it.  

 

Post # 11
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MsJ2theZ:  I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that sometimes the “you only get one day” rule is crap. Sure, when brides and grooms think that regular guests planning events close to their date is ridiculous, expecting a groomsman to be respectful of the committment he already made is not.

Post # 12
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SarahTee:  Yeah I’m sorry but I would have been none too happy if someone that was IN my wedding booked their wedding a week ahead of mine. Maybe it’s not such a big deal if it’s a dude since they are so much less involved. It’s not about it being “my day” it’s strictly logistics. The summer I got married there were 3 other weddings of close friends, they were all a month apart (ish) and there was a LOT of planning around each other that had to happen for all the showers and bachelorette parties etc, it got really hectic.

And I”m going to throw the guy a bone here and say while I think he totally remembered your wedding date, and even if he didn’t, he still put the deposit down before asking so he didn’t care either way… his fiance probably had a lot to do with that…

Post # 13
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@FutureMrsT1221: You didn’t answer the rather important question of whether or not the groomsman actually told you/your FI that he’s out of the wedding because he will be on his honeymoon or if you’re just assuming that. 

I can see how it’s annoying. I can see how it’s an inconvenience. But I highly, highly doubt they did it to spite you. There are lots of plausible reasons that they chose that date – as other PPs have said, maybe September is special to the bride, maybe that’s when the families could make it, maybe since you’re in Atlanta they think September is optimal weather for a wedding and they didn’t want to wait 18 months to get married. 

But seriously, ask him about whether he plans to still be in the wedding party. 

Post # 14
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I know a lot of people are going to say who cares, but you know, I would be pissed too.
If they had known your date and suddenly now they aren’t coming/being in the wedding I would be really upset. Did they say there was any kind of reason they chose that date? It’s kind of annoying the way it feels like they just decided they wanted to get married before you or something. I hope if people have to choose a wedding to go to they pick yours since you planned it first.
I understand that you get one day, but if they purposely pick a day that affects your wedding I feel like you have a right to be upset about it.
Next time you see them I would ask if groomsmen still plans to be in the wedding and I would (politely) ask why they chose that date.

Post # 15
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MsJ2theZ:  Exactly. The whole shooting a text message AFTER the fact asking when the wedding is and then saying WHOOPS is just screaming “I don’t give a flying fart about your wedding.” Guys are spacey and forget dates, I get that, but if he was happy to be involved in one of his best friends weddings, he should have at least texted BEFORE putting the deposit down. He knew something was wrong with picking that date, but he did it anyway. That’s just not what friends do. 

Post # 16
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@FutureMrsT1221:  I assume you haven’t sent out save the dates yet since your wedding isn’t until next Sept, so he might genuinely have forgotten which exact date your wedding is.  He’s a guy, and not to be reductive, but guys do that sometimes.

In any case, how about talking to him and making sure he knows you hope he is still going to be a part of your wedding but no matter what you are excited for him?  Because that would be the nice thing to do.

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