Fussy bridesmaid- advice please?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

She needs to wear the colors you pick- especially if you’re sweetly helping to pay!

i would just say hey lady, I realize they might not be your favorite colors but they are our wedding colors and all bridesmaids will be in them. This is just part of being in a wedding- I have done it many times before on the other end. Think about it and let me know if you want to be a BM in pink/mint or come as a guest.

 

dont let her steamroll you- you should be considering her needs?!? It’s not a freaking safety issue it’s a COLOR. 

 

Post # 3
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

msbooksandtea:  Given that you’re paying, yes, you can definitely put your foot down, especially because previously the only colour she vetoed was red (so, it’s not like she said ‘I would really hate to wear pink or mint green’ and you went and chose those colours anyway); I would probably also remind her of that fact. 

That said I was surprised by what did and didn’t suit my bridesmaids (some of them looked like corpses in colours I had thought would suit them; they looked really awful!) and am glad we have a neutral (ivory/cream) colour scheme as it allowed them to choose any colour they wanted (they’ve gone with emerald green) without it clashing. 

Perhaps you could go shopping and try some dresses and go from there? Could there be another reason she’s  being awkward? 

Post # 4
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2015 - Banquet Hall

No. Do NOT change your wedding colors to accommodate the fussy BM. This is you and your FH wedding, not hers. Your colors. Not hers. You are being very reasonable and even generous with that $100. What her mother said was totally rude. You are the bride and what you want is what happens. If you wanna walk down the aisle in a freaking BIKINI do itttttttttt. It is your day girl! No one can tell you what to do except, maybe, your FH 😉 So, if it were me, I would kick her out if she’s going to act like that. Don’t give in!!

Post # 5
Member
3960 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

msbooksandtea:   She wears one of the colors or steps aside.  Don’t give in!  

Post # 6
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

Let me just say that you sound like a lovely bride and friend! You’re very kind to have not only asked your BMs which colors they would hate wearing but also to offer to help them pay for the dresses. Really, considering she never said, “I refuse to wear red, mint, or pink,” she has no right to be fussy now, does she? But to bend over so far backwards as to changing your color scheme/coming up with a new color/etc…. Don’t let yourself become her doormat! What if she next decides she doesn’t like the new color? 

I would personally talk to her and ask why she has such an aversion to the color range you’ve offered her. Not only that, but I’d point out that you asked her in advance of her preferences and picked your color scheme because of what they mean to you and your FI. Not only that, but maybe mention that you asked her to be your BM because of your friendship and her involvement in your wedding is more important than arguing over the color of her dress. Offer to go shopping with her or even send her links to styles of dresses in your color scheme.

If I were you, I’d do a lot of things to accommodate my friend, but I would not change a thing to suit her tastes at the expense of mine. 

Post # 7
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

I feel for you! I have an extremely fussy bridesmaid too. She has an opinion on everything. Just yesterday she asks how I want to have their hair (I’m paying to get it done), and before I can even say anything bursts out “because I look horrible with curled hair. It makes me look like an oger. I won’t curl it.” Last week after I said I wanted nude shoes with the dresses, she says “Can I just wear my gold ones, I really don’t want to have to buy a new pair and gold looks better with it anyway.” These are just a few things. I’m losing my patience with her. I don’t have great advice, but I can definitely commiserate. I’ve been trying to let the comments slide for my own sanity. Just stand your ground. You shouldn’t have to change your vision for her.

Post # 8
Member
3206 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

msbooksandtea:  Do not change colors. I have worn many an ugly bridesmaids dress with a damn smile on my face. None of the brides graciously offered to pay, either. Tell this bridesmaid to wear a dress in the color you are requesting or step down. Simple. This isn’t first grade where a tantrum will get you what you want.

Post # 9
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

You’re being so nice to ask their opinions. I’m letting the girls pick their own dress styles, and color mostly, but it must be in the blue family and I don’t want them all matching so it’ll be “first come first serve” as far as the color goes so ifthey wait to purchase the dresses, they will have a smaller range they can choose from.

I didn’t take anyones opinion into account when my fiance and I chose our colors. Both of us have shades of blue as our favorites (and teal=blue/green) so we just decided to go with that. Plus we got engaged on the beach and have a large vintage bottle collection so everything we love just tends to be in the blue family.

I think in your scenario she is being a brat. You have a warm color and a cool color, so one or the other should suit her. It’s just part of being a bridesmaid, typically the dress, color and style, are chosen by the bride for the bridesmaid to buy and wear on the day.

 

Post # 10
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

msbooksandtea:  yeah she doesn’t get a veto on wedding colors, especially since you already asked her and she gave input, which didn’t include the colors you chose. If she doesn’t want to wear the dress, she can attend your wedding as a guest.

Post # 11
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

Don’t change your colours, your BM is being unreasonable and her mother needs to butt out with her opinions too, especially when you’re paying for the dress! I’m also paying for my BM dresses and they’ve all been great and said they’ll wear whatever I choose, but if one of them flat out refused to wear the dress I chose then they’d be getting told that’s fine but they’ll have to buy their own. You should give your BM the the options you’re considering & tell her that if she doesn’t like anything you’ve chosen then she’s free to go and buy her own, she sounds like a brat!

Post # 12
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

msbooksandtea:  I’m doing the same colour scheme for my wedding. I also have two BM (maind of honour is my twin sister and the BM is my oldest friend). I told them they can wear either mint green, blush pink or beige, whatever we find that we like.

I think if you’re paying for the dresses, she should appreciate that and wear whatever colour you envision. You seem pretty easy going so I don’t think you would chose something that doesn’t look good on either one of them.

I think light grey or beige would still ‘go’ with the colours you chose. Here are some pictures off my pinterest page that may help..

Post # 13
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee

I am in the camp (being a past bridesmaid as well) that you just wear what the bride wants. It is one day, for your close family member or friend! I would be delighted to wear the ugliest shade of burnt orange if that is what would make my BFF happy on her wedding day!

I would stick to your guns. You just need to hold your ground, so she doesn’t walk all over you. Calmly explain that you would like her to pick from the shades of mint and pink (and give her colour swatches- paint chips work great and are free) so there is no mistaking the colour palette. If she continues to refuse, I would honestly ask her if she would prefer to step down from the bridal party as this is somethin very important to you and you hope she could set aside her personal preferences for one day.

Post # 14
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

She said no red. You didn’t pick red. She doesn’t get to complain about the color. Especially since you’re paying.

If she has such an aversion to the color, you can rent a dress for her so she never needs to see it again, or she can attend as a guest and wear what she wants.

Post # 15
Member
1801 posts
Buzzing bee

Geesh. I wish the bride would have paid for my ugly dress.. lol you have every right to put your foot down. Go for it, girl!

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