Futuer Sister-in-Law as Bridesmaid???

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

personally, when my brother goes to get married, i would hope I would be in the wedding party. He and I have always been close, and whether i’m super close with his future wife or not, I would want to stand up there for him.

If you really think there’s time to add her, and it wont cause extra stress, go ahead & ask her to be in it. Eventually, more than likely, years down the road, she’ll be the one bridesmaid you’ll actually see on a regular basis.

Post # 4
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

If her and his mother are insistent upon her being in the wedding party, she should be included on your fiance’s side. She could wear the same dress as the bridesmaids. She absolutely doesn’t need to be standing on your side if you aren’t close to her. Don’t give in!

What about having her do a reading? She could wear a corsage.

Post # 5
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If it’s important to her to be in her brother’s wedding, she needs to discuss this with HIM. Just because you are the bride doesn’t mean they get to direct all of their anger at you, especially when she ASSUMED she was in it without even mentioning it to you!

 

 

 

Can he ask her to be a reader or something “non-BM” that is also special?

 

Post # 6
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You get closer to people by spending time with them.  this could bring you two closer.  You’re going to have to deal with her the rest of your life, besides it’s not like you have to pay for her dress or anything. 

Post # 7
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ve always seen the groom’s sister as bridesmaids. I’m not close to my two FSILs, nor do they ask about the wedding but the polite thing to do is ask them to be bridesmaids. But now it’s kinda too late since she already knows that you didn’t want her to be one. I would be upset if I was her too. 

Post # 8
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

She doesn’t need to be bullied into having FSIL as a bridesmaid. You don’t ask someone to stand with you hoping this will bring you closer. You ask your nearest and dearest to be with you. If they are insisting upon her being in the wedding, they need to talk to the groom about whether he wants her on his side.

Post # 9
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you don’t want her to be in it then don’t have her in it if it is important to you. Honestly, if you start letting them push you around to get what they want it will happen with EVERYTHING.

Another thing, this isn’t your issue. This is your Fi’s issue. It is his family HE needs to handle them.

Post # 10
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

When I got engaged, it was a given that I would ask FI’s sisters. I was not close to either of them and one even lives across the country. I have become so close to the sister who lives here ever since.

My brother is also in the wedding, neither FI or myself are close to him but my mom insisted he be in the wedding.

I think it’s a very nice gesture to ask siblings to be in the wedding, but in the end it really is up to you.

Post # 11
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

I asked my SIL to be in our wedding party. We weren’t extremely close before and we aren’t really that much closer now, but it felt right to me since she was going to be the only Sister I have (until my brothers get married). If it doesn’t feel right to you to have her stand up with you on your wedding day, then don’t feel forced into it. Don’t let yourself get forced into something you may regret later.

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@sjreed14:  I will share my story from the opposite spectrum. While SIL and I have since mended out relationship and I’m still glad I included her, she was no peach to deal with.

We asked her even though I wasn’t close to her. I mainly asked her cause I thought that it’s a given that siblings are in the wedding. She said yes, but made the stipulation that she didn’t want a strapless dress. For MONTHS I looked for a new dress and had her turn down everything and even at one point had her mom, grandma, and herself gang up on me at Christmas and whine about everything.

Come to find out, when shit finally hit the fan, that she felt like she was being forced to be in the wedding, that we never asked her (we did), and she hated the dress. She wished we wouldn’t have included her to begin with but I KNOW if we hadn’t, I wouldn’t have heard the end of it with her mom and grandma so we were stuck between a rock and hard place either way.

Her brother ended up dealing with her because she got VERY belligerent and mean. She ended up staying in the wedding and apologized to me for her behavior during the dance and said she was sorry for the way she acted and underestimated my ability to plan such a beautiful event.

**So, all in all, even though we had a huge blowup, I am glad I had her in the wedding.

In your case, I would talk to your FI and see what he thinks. If he thinks that its your choice, then it is your choice and have HIM tell his family that, not you. I don’t know that I would give in just because everyone else would be mad at you. You kind of got to pick your “evil.” Do you not include her and run the risk of everyone being mad about this OR do you pick her to keep the peace, knowing full well that everyone was able to get their way and with the possibility of her being a difficult bridesmaid?

Post # 14
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sjreed14:  I had this same internal argument with myself over my FI’s sister (and she and I were best friends in high school even, and just grew apart over time) but I am so, so, so glad I didn’t decide to have her in the bridal party.  We just aren’t close enough. 

Post # 15
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

My FSIL assumed too, but I made a place for her in my bridal party so that we’d be entering the family in good faith.  At the time, her and I weren’t close either.  We’ve since come closer together and I believe it was a great choice.

Post # 16
Member
540 posts
Busy bee

@sjreed14:  My brother has 3 sisters, neither of us were bridesmaids…and that is because his wife has a really tight group of friends who have been friends since childhood, and she has 1 sister.

We were included by being asked to be readers during the ceremony. I felt honored to be asked, but I was most estatic when i received an invitation to share their special day with them…that was what was most important to me.

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