Post # 1
My future brother inlaw has just proposed to his girlfriend, which I’m over the moon about as she is a very good mate. But… They both keep dropping hints that they want to beat us to it. I’m trying not worried to worried about them getting petty. But I know they like to be the best at everything and could start trying to compeat with us. I just want to enjoy both weddings and the journey of personalising them.
I guess my question is how should I approach them and not upset anyone.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t approach them at all. If they get married before you do, what’s the harm? That actually gives you a chance to see what they do, and avoid any little mistakes they might make. As an example, we attended a friend’s wedding in May (they got engaged about 2 months after us and married 4 months before us but we did’t mind) and opted to have only one processional song for the entire bridal party based on their use of two, and how it really dragged out the time in between the bridesmaids’ entry and the bride’s.
The only thing that I think would be fair to bring up would be to ask if both couples could keep their potentially overlapping guest lists in mind when setting dates so that there aren’t two potential travel days too close together which may place an unfair financial burden on your guests.
But apart from that, there’s no reason to insist that your wedding happen first or fear that theirs happens first.
Post # 4
I’d be alittle worried about traveling guests pocketbooks so you might want to discuss this with them. If they got married at the end of this year, I wouldn’t see any problems with it because there would be some time apart.
Post # 5
Yeah, I wouldn’t sweat about it. I’m marrying into a family with a petty FSIL and FBIL, so I do understand where you’re coming from.
Let them get married first if they wish. I don’t know about approaching them about the spacing of the weddings – although ideally the weddings would be at least a few months apart so that guests can get time off from work/save up to attend.
We actually got engaged 8 months after one of our friends (they had been together 6 months, we were together nearly 4 years when we got engaged) but we will be getting married a month before them. He teased us about this, and I quickly shot it down. We did it because of pricing, because it was long enough after FSIL’s baby will be born, and because we didn’t want a long engagement. Maybe there are practical reasons behind your FBIL’s insistence on getting married sooner…at least, let’s hope.
If not, just sit and in your mind pity the poor guy who is so insecure that he has to beat his brother and future sister-in-law to the altar.
Post # 6
I want them to feel like there day will be a celebration of them and worry that it won’t be if they do things because of us. There haven’tlooked at venues or any thing yet. So I hope when they do logic takes over and they do what’s right for them. It would be sad to miss out on what they want just to be the best.